


Acknowledgements

by Blue_hare



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Tragedy, Blood and Torture, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Developing Relationship, Flashbacks, Implied Levi/Erwin Smith, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Torture, Medical Experimentation, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Minor Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Multi, Non-Explicit Sex, Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Strained Friendships, Torture, Tragedy, What-If, post ACWNR, sort of canon compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2019-08-14 09:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 71,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16490402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_hare/pseuds/Blue_hare
Summary: I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul.-Pablo NerudaThis is how it ends...





	1. Allegiance

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work. Please know that I will add more tags so be mindful of those.

. 

. 

. 

The stench of steaming titan blood was everywhere. The heat, from the evaporating blood, congealing the dead and dying soldier’s blood, until a thick, rotting, miasma pervaded and overwhelmed all senses. The black smoke, covering the vast sky, made it, that time was hard to tell. How long had ago had the battle begun? How much longer would it rage on? 

The war had raged longer than many remembered. 

The ceaseless cries of those fighting, of those wounded, of those dying… 

_This must be what Hell is like._

Thought Levi, the smell of death forever stuck in the back of his throat, underneath his nails. The taste of iron familiar in his mouth…he couldn’t think, didn’t want to know, whose blood it was that he tasted. Pain had always been a constant and lingering presence to him, with him, and he felt in now, weighing him down. Everything about his being was so heavy. It was a wonder that he could still breathe but that hurt too. Living hurt. It had for a long time…more so ever since…

His breaths were raspy, like nails on chalkboard. He finally lifted his gaze, not really wanting to look at damage. _So tired, so fucking tired._ The brats were mostly okay; Mikasa hovering (like always) near the body of, a still steaming, Jaeger, Jean was still fighting, somewhere, amongst this damn mess, helping Hange lead the remaining soldiers, and Armin and Connie were nowhere… _Fuck._

There was a ringing in his ear (too close to that fucking blast) that was making his headache worse. The blood in his mouth was too much. He spat it out to the side. Everything was moving slowly. His eyes finally made contact with the body directly in front. 

Zeke, the fucking Beast titan.

He was dead finally… _finally._

He had made mince-meat out of that fucking traitor. He had never trusted that guy…he should have stuck to his gut… _He fucking knew it…_

_No goddamned fucking regrets._

_What a damn fucking joke._

He found himself wanting to laugh, despite his ribs hurting like a bitch. The fucking bastard nearly had him, broke his damn ribs when he got a hold of the wires and threw him towards the fucking trunk of those big-ass trees. Levi was ready though, he had been, ever since that day, five years ago. There was no way he was going to let that son-of-a-bitch get away. He made a _promise._ He intended to keep it.

The fucker was unrecognizable now. There was no titan smoke emitting, he had made sure to dismember everything. The gruesome sight didn’t bother him, few things did nowadays. He had to be sure though. He turned to Mikasa rasping. “The lighter.”

She stared at him, eyes so similar to his own, as she was reaching somewhere on her uniform. She tossed the lighter and the bottle of fluid at him. He twisted the cap with his teeth - his fingers were too broken and cut up - poured all the liquid on the Beast titans torso, struck the match, and watched the flames devour his remains.

“STOP!!!”

“Eren.” she called trying to hold his limbless body still.

“We still need him…blood, we still need it…”

“What the fuck are you spouting about?!”

“His blood I don’t know why but we need it. Please Captain believe-- I know I messed up…but please tru-…We need it. We need it!!!" Eren cried out desperate.

Levi stared at Eren. His eyes wild and pleading, without a hint of deception. He kicked one of Zeke’s arms out of the flames and quickly beat the fire out.

_Fucking Jaegers, always fucking messing everything up._

“If you’re fucking lying about this---”

“I’m not, I’m not.” He gasped through his cries.

“Captain!”

Emerging from the tree tops, Armin landed awkwardly, next to a fallen body.

“What’s going on Arlert?”

It had started to rain. Vaguely, he recalled Hange saying something about titan steam affecting the weather.

“We have to get out of here! There are too many titans. The others, the enemy is retreating…they…they panicked when they saw Zeke go down. We have to move. Everything’s a mess. Commander Hange and Jean will be here shortly, with a wagon and horses. We have to get ready before then. The titans are preoccupied, for the moment, with the dead and injured. That...won’t be for long.” Armin was already kneeling and sorting through his pack, looking for bandages and ointment.

There was a rustling from somewhere behind where Mikasa hovered over Eren. Everyone froze and Mikasa readied her blades, waiting. Reiner Braun emerged, bleeding heavily from his head, familiar titan marks on the side of his eyes, with two bodies on his shoulders. One was Connie and the other was the Cart titan’s wielder, Pieck.

“You!!!” Mikasa hissed.

“They’re okay,” he interrupted, placing one body at a time on the ground “I…” He looked green and on the verge of passing out, hands raised in surrender.

“Connie, he found me and told me what happened with Zeke and Eren…Pieck, she found us on the way over here.” He looked unsure as he continued. “She, unknowingly led some of Zeke’s followers from within the walls and we got ambushed. That’s why they’re unconscious.” 

Reiner looked to the ground, clenching his fists. 

“Pieck was followed here by them and she told me right before the ambush that… Zeke’s been fucking playing with us all. He and Kiyomi have their own agenda and …I suspect that, even then, they both are looking after their own interests.” He spit out. 

He looked towards where the crystallized spears Eren had summoned lay, to the one that had been broken off and was skewering the unknown figure that Eren had unintentionally pierced, in his aim for Zeke. The body had been thrown away close to the same tree that Levi had been flung to. In all the chaos, everyone had forgotten about that. There was no doubt that whoever they were, they were long dead. The end of that spear had pierced them clean through. The poor bastard hadn’t even put up a fight when one of Zeke’s titans had shown up, and spit them out at his feet. Like a pet presenting their master with a rodent.

Reiner turned pale at that, clutching his head.

_“Reiner, Zekes he’s done something horrible. He plans to---“_

“ That body, Pieck, was saying something, about it, before the ambush. We have to, you have to take them…the body you have to take it with you. You can’t leave it here!” Reiner said.

“What the –“

“Captain,” he took a step towards them and stopped as he took in the burning corpse of the Warrior Chief. The rain had begun to kill the flames and all that remained were charred burned up parts. He swallowed looking away.

“There was a reason Zeke was desperate for Eren to kill them,” He continued, “…I don’t know who they are but Pieck found me and told me that it—they are important we –you have to take them with you. When she recovers from her injuries, I'm sure she can tell us more. Please, please.”

 _Fuck_ , thought Levi. _There’s too many choices, too many decisions, too much that is unknown._

Fucking Zeke, continually bringing trouble.

“Whose side are you on?”

Reiner looked startled at the question. He smiled sardonically, a little sad and desperate and hopeful.

“Humanity. I’m on the side of Humanity.”

Everyone was quiet, waiting for the Captains orders.

_Humanity, always shitting humanity._

“You heard him,” he turned to Armin, the one closest to the body, “get the poor bastards body. No, take the damn spear-thing out, he’s dead anyway. Doesn’t matter if he bleeds, just staunch it a bit, secure them, and bring it over. When Hange gets over here we’ll pile it, with everything else, onto the wagons.”

Mikasa started towards Armin where he was kneeling next to the body. The spike had embedded itself into the ground, when it had fallen, when Levi had used the base to propel himself at the Beast titan.

“I’ll pull. Hold the body, Armin.”

Armin nodded, holding onto the shoulders. They were broad and bony. Whoever they were they had been kept prisoner he thought. The clothes they had on was filthy, brown in places where blood had long dried, torn in others from where titan stomach acid had eaten through the thin fabric. The foul smell of the inside of a titan mouth burned bright in his memory, since that first encounter, as a cadet.

“Ready?”

He nodded.

Mikasa pulled the spike, the body moving with the force, as Armin held on. There was blood and what they were sure were organ and muscle tissue clinging to the sharp end. Mikasa threw the spike to the side and removed her cloak, ripping it and kneeling to try to secure the body and stem the blood. Armin turned the body over, to tie the two ends together.

“Armin take that thing off, we can use it to stem the blood and… we should see who it is…” Mikasa trailed off tightening the two ends as Armin removed the cloth covering their face and handed it over to her.

He looked down to their face. The hair and beard, both, long and dark from blood and mud, was obscuring most of their face. He used the sleeves of his uniform to wipe some of the grime away. _So much death, he thought, finally looking at the man’s face. He felt a chill go through him, and let out a frightened yell, as he scrambled backwards far away from the body. He was gasping for air, eyes wide and shaking. Mikasa had stopped and had backed away slowly, as she took in the man’s appearance, feeling a chill settle deep within her._

__

“What the fucks going on now?!” Levi called.

__

He was already piling the burnt up limbs in a sack as Reiner had begun checking both Connie and Pieck for any overlooked injuries. Pieck would recover slowly the Cart titan had always been hard on her. Eren had remained where he was, staring unblinkingly at the black sky, unbothered by the rain.

__

The others had also shifted their attention to the body and then, as they saw the unknown persons face, the air around them electrified and time, time stopped…

__

Levi took a stuttering breath that got caught in his throat. His ears were ringing, louder than ever, his heart accelerating, eyes wide and vision tunneling - focusing with laser-like precision on the face that was quickly being washed clean by the now torrential rain and revealing a familiar nose and familiar eyebrows.

__

“I-It’s… the Commander.” Someone said.

__

“Erwin?”

__

. 

__

. 

. 


	2. Silvertongue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might be hard to understand...

. 

. 

. 

The way back, from Levis first expedition, was a long one. He was still felt numb inside and very cold. Their deaths were still replaying in his head, in an endless loop. 

Isabel calling out to him. Farlan's smile and wave. 

He shouldn’t have left them at all. They would still be here, if only had he not wondered away from them, in search of Erwin Smith.

“Erwin! We have to gather everyone and head back to the wall before the titans do.” The goatee one proclaimed.

Erwin had been looking to the sky. _It’s clear enough for the signals to work now._ He fired off a blue smoke signal, followed by a green one, towards the direction of the dwelling they had passed. Mike, had already confirmed that he could smell no titans around. They weren’t that far away from the dwellings they had used as a base the night before. Soon enough, he would know just how many more lives had been lost.

He clenched the reins in his right hand tighter, reveling in the stinging pain. 

This had been his idea and he had campaigned hard for this. Lobov’s crimes meant nothing now and he wondered if his gamble had been worth it?

He side-eyed Levi. He was quiet. Everyone was the first time they left the walls and witnessed the reality of which humanity lived. The fault was all his. Did he really think that some kids, plucked from the Underground, would be able to handle the outside world beyond the walls?

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, chiding himself for his maudlin thoughts. He was way past mourning every single death, whether, his fault or not… _Progress has been made,_ he told himself, thinking of Levi's strength and kills. 5 solo titan kills and 1 assisted abnormal kill. 

_Yes, progress._

As long as the Squad, he had left with Sadies, had been successful, and found what they had been looking for then, their deaths would have not been in vain.

Zackly and Sadies, would no doubt, take into account his failed formation when the next budget meeting came but, there was still Lobov if it came to that. The ruins were in sight and already he could see the remaining soldiers making their way to them. It would soon be time to return to wall Maria and to face the civilian crowds. He tightened his hold, once more, on the reigns.

The procession back to HQ, was long and bleak. The losses had been minimal from what Levi had heard. It didn’t feel that way to him and, so, as he made his way back, still following Blondie, no, Smith, he was not expecting the crowds. The crowds that were lined up and waiting, with their ugly faces contorted in open disdain, and their poisonous words aimed at the returning Scouts.

He was overcome with a strong, sense vengeful, fury and was about to make those ignorant, assholes have a piece of it and, yet, as he opened his mouth, he held himself back.

In the Underground, whenever such words had been thrown at piss-poor Unicorns, they had always, immediately retaliated.

The Scouts, _Why was he so damn fucking surprised?_ did not.

They remained grim and blank faced; some with their hoods up, others looking down. Then, there was Smith, who had taken the lead (not Sadies, the Commander), staring straight ahead, un-bothered by the vitriol thrown his way. Most of his Squad was the same, looking forward. Some of the other Squads, had followed suit, copying them.

So intent was he focusing on Smiths golden head, that he didn’t see who, amongst the crowd, threw a handful of mud at him.

He watched him fall from his horse as the crowds ceased their angry yells and everything, everyone grew silent, waiting... 

Levi watched Smith get up and wipe the mud from the side of his head with his bandaged right hand. It came away a crimson, muddy colour. For a passing moment, Levi entertained the idea of watching Smith lose his levelheadedness and Levi _wanted to see it._ He wanted to see everything that he had thought of Smith, as he held him and his friends captive and kneeling on the filthy ground. That he thought he was better than them, _more educated, more polished and clean, better than the underground insects._

Smith, did _nothing_ and when Mike got near him, he held up a hand, and continued his way on foot, leading his white stead behind him. The Scouts following behind, still silent but, they had seemed to straighten themselves--no longer were they hunched over. 

He never said anything or reacted to the incident at all.

The crowds didn’t resume their accusations and they began to disperse, running for cover. The rain had begun once more.

When Levi glanced down at the spot where Smith had fallen, he saw the stone. With the rain washing the mud away, he could see what they had hidden within the mud was a broken piece of brick. Brick used in the structures of, any one of, the surrounding buildings.

He had wondered why he felt an unforgiving rage at that. He wondered why _he_ didn’t react at all…

Levi remembered that incident with the stone clearly. 

Even after many years had passed.

Even after it was different stones that rained and knocked _him_ and many more to the ground.

Even after his death.

. 

. 

So _why_ was he remembering this _now_? Looking at a familiar profile?

_Why?_

_Why was he here? Why was someone, that looked like him, lying there?_

**Dead. Again**

**No,** he should be **dead**! This was a joke he was finally breaking down. 

“Is this some fucking joke?!” he asked tersely.

Silence.

**“Fucking answer me!”**

He whirled around. He didn’t want to see that face anymore.

“Did you know?” He asked tersely, facing Braun and Eren, both, still looking at the body.

“No.” they replied.

“He has two arms.” Armin called from behind. “It can’t be the Commander.”

He had recovered and was now examining the face closely. The rain had washed away most of the blood and mud. The long hair and beard still covered most of their face and they were badly bruised. It was hard to say for sure but, it remained that five years ago Erwin Smith, the 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, had died leading the suicide mission in Shinganshina. 

The likelihood of this person being Erwin Smith was extremely unlikely.

“Did the commander have any relatives?” he asked.

“No. He was an only child and both his parents, as far as I know, were the same.”

“They might have had relatives on Marley or anywhere else in the world. Like Eren. Or…” Reiner reasoned.

People were known to share features. It could be a simple case of mistaken identity.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. Like I said, they're dead. We’ll figure this out later.” Levi said squaring himself, slowly retreating into himself. Because there was not a chance in hell.

Erwin Smith was dead.

Levi had seen to that.

He had buried him.

He had _mourned_ him.

The rest continued preparations as they waited for Commander Hange. No one mentioned anything again. No one looked at the Captains shaking fists or to his robotic movements. When Hange came with the wagons and horses, no one said anything as both Mikasa and Reiner loaded the body (face covered again) and placed it far from the sack containing the Beast titans remains. With both Connie and Pieck loaded lastly, they departed.

Levi, despite his injuries, refused to ride in the other wagon. No one made any effort to argue against him. Not when he looked on the verge of falling apart. 

Hange was too tired to voice their concern. They knew Levi best and knew that they could take care of themselves. They could not show any favoritism under the current situation. There was still much to do. This job took a toll and they felt tired. There had not been much to discuss, just a quick update, and besides, the kids knew their duties by now.

They trusted them.

They eyed Eren and Reiner.

"Lets move out! Jean has taken the others and is already on the way to Maria."

There would be time later. Right now they needed to get back to the wall and plan the next move. Everything had seemed to fall apart so easily all around them. 

Paradis was _hell._

It had been that way for many years, especially for the people of the walls. Everything they had learned always led to more questions than answers. Despite the new technology and research they had gained, it was humanity that persisted in its headtsrong ways of people betraying and pulling a blindfold over friends and family. 

This side of humans was one Hange had always loathed. Unlike her predecessor, she was not the best at discerning the motivations and goals of their enemies, not with the clear assurance and confidence that he had. Sometimes at her lowest, more desperate of times, she cursed him for having left this duty to her. She had just wanted to explore and learn more of the world and instead here she was, at the helm of one side of a war. One she did not fully understand. She often wondered if anyone did. 

That was _war_ wasn’t it? It was one that lacked logic. War was always at the bequest of the selfish interests and goals of equally selfish humans. 

She had accepted the post knowing how hard it would be, with only she and Levi, as sole veterans. The others were just children. Children that had grown too fast, in a much too cruel world, in a short amount of time, and thus, had really not grown at all. There had been no time for them to pace themselves and process the horrors that few would experienced those first few months. They had done well as could be expected. Perhaps they would have time for joy and peace someday. 

The way back had been tense and everyone was quiet and weary. It reminded Hange of their way back five years ago. There had been no titans and that was thanks to the many bodies still remained on the battlefield. They couldn’t help but feel a sickening thought at that. How many more had they lost? How many more would they lose?

. 

. 

Jean had reached Maria first and had already issued orders accordingly, with the help of Riko. There wasn't much to do but to get the injured medical treatment and to complete reports. The Beast titan was dead but the war wasn’t over.

Pixis was already in the conference room looking exhausted and very much his age. There were various soldiers from under the Supreme Commander and Military Police but all were grim faced. Jean took seat as they waited for the rest to arrive. Pixis had expressed his wish for everything to be delivered and discussed once all were present.

“This will likely shed some light on everything that happened outside the walls and _within_ the walls.” He said ominously, fingers shaking as if reaching for his flask.

Jean frowned but nodded in agreement. 

With everyone in the crowded room Pixis finally made his way to the Supreme Commanders reserved seat. The room quickly quieted and everyone grew tense.

“The Supreme Commanders post falls to me. Darius Zackly is dead.” He announced to a shocked audience. He raised his palm to silence them and continued. 

“I'm afraid to have say that the Queen has also died.”

The audience cried out in outrage and shock. Amongst the 104 they remained in quiet disbelief. The rest quickly demanded answers.

“From the reports so far,” He continued raising his voice over the others, “Zeke Jeagers followers invaded the castle in search of the Queen. The commander of the Military Police, Nile Dok, was gravely injured as were many others, Zachary was leading the Queen and her guards to the underground tunnels when Yelena blocked the exit. She blew the tunnels exit and the Queen, in her delicate state, succumbed as did the child she carried.”

All around the audience seemed in utter disbelief.

“Annie Leonhart took off with the Jaw titan wielder.” Jean spoke out before anyone could say anything else. “I saw them on the way over.”

“What of the Beast titan?”

“Zeke Jeager is dead.” Levi ground out.

“What does this mean then? We lost our Queen and the Supreme Commander. Is Nile Dok dead as well?

No, they shot his leg and his lost plenty blood but the medics are optimistic about his recovery. Let us hope that we won’t lose another of our Commanders.” Pixis directed his gaze toward the Marley warriors leaning against one another and turned towards the Survey Corp Commander. “Tell me is there a reason why you have brought them within our chambers?” 

It was Reiner that spoke before Hange could answer, the just awakened Pieck straightening at the Pixis question.

“Zeke Jaeger double played both of our sides. Annie and Porco, the Jaw titan, are heading to Marley to let the government and people know of his betrayal. We plan on revealing it to the public and in doing so to smoke out his remaining followers out. Some must surely not know of his demise yet. It will be in our bests interest if that could be carried out as son as possible.”

Reiner nodded toward Pieck and helped her by putting a steadying arm around her elbow. 

“My name is Pieck and I was present when Yelena made her escape from your Queens castle. I followed her outside of the walls and I confronted her. I had been Zekes right hand long before her and I knew him although, perhaps not as well I thought I did. Still I knew him after the attack on Marley I began to look for anything that could explain his sudden turn against our home. I did not find anything concrete until just recently. Whomever they were sent a scroll written in code used long ago. They told me where to look and who to follow. It led me to Yelena and to one of the Japanese womans, Kiyomi, followers. I heard them talking and when I confronted them they killed themselves but I was temporarily unconscious and when I came to, it was the Jaw titan wielder that found me. I told him what I had heard and convinced him to find a way back to Marley and reveal it to them. I knew where to find them but it was too late. By the time I made my way over your Queen was dead. I followed Yelena and the others and I was the one that killed her, I killed Yelena. There were more of Zeke's followers than I thought and so I tried to make my way to Reiner. I found him." 

"I do not know what happened outside the walls with Zeke but there was a body that needed to be recovered. He had been looking for them for a long time. I believe that this person was a woman.”

She paused looking at Reiner who had tensed.

"The person, the body that was found and brought back was a mans." He replied.

Pieck looked around confused and went deep in thought.

A man? They, those two, had been talking about a woman. She was sure of it.

"I'm sorry, but I am not mistaken. They were talking about a woman. That man you brought I have no idea about." She looked to Pixis. They looked towards Hange.

"It was I that fought and killed Zeke." Levi spoke. "A titan did come in the beginning. It spewed up a body. I'd say they were already dead. Then again I was too far away to be certain of it. The brat was the one nearer." They and those assembled looked toward Eren, some with open distrust and hostility.

Eren had been quiet since the news of Historias death. Mikasa had been attentive towards their fist clenching and un-clenching. 

"I...I don't remember..." He had been so angry and full of rage when Zeke had laughed mockingly to his face. Calling him an easily fooled child. He hadn't registered the titan or the body, not till he took aim for Zekes head.

Pixis looked nonplussed. 

"The body you recovered, where is it?"

"It has been taken to the underground labs for an autopsy. The Beast titan remains were brought down there as well." Hange spoke.

"Was there anything that Zeke Jeager said in relation to the body?" 

"No." Levi quickly replied.

"He has a vague resemblance to the previous Commander."

It was Mikasa that spoke up. From the corner of her eye she could see the Captain tighten his jaw and Commander Hange go still. 

"Do you mean Erwin Smith?" Pixis questioned, raising his brow.

"Armin and I were the ones to remove the spear from the body. His face was covered and Armin was startled at the mans appearance...I was as well. Despite the facial hair and injuries there was an uncanny resemblance." Mikasa continued. 

"I do not mean to sound disrespectful or to call you a liar but he---"

"He is dead." Armin interupted Pixis. "We thought that he might have been a relative to the Commander. The way Zeke was to Eren. I would like to take a look at his family records if they are available." 

"Of course, that would be best. Hange I'm sure has some of them on hand at the Survey Corps base." Hange nodded. "I will have any other records of his fathers and mothers family collected and brought by tomorrow morning." 

Armin nodded as he watched two soldiers make their exit. Pixis crossed his arms before them and then came to a conclusion.

"As it is we will rest and treat the injured tonight. Get some rest, whatever you can manage, and relay the same to your soldiers. We dont have all the facts yet and we wont on weary and pain filled minds. If what Miss. Pieck and Mr. Braun say is true then the war between us may have come to and end. There still remains the titans and whatever remains of Zekes Jeagers followers. At the moment the bigger question is whether the Hizuru Ambassador is a threat and how much of a threat they pose? It seems war may linger longer." 

"Guards will placed around the Beast titan remains inside and outside the room. The same will be with the body brought back." He looked to the two from Marley. "I hope you understand our reasons for keeping you under guard as well. Eren Jeager the same goes for you. That is all. You are dismissed."

A group of guards escorted the three titan shifters first and then the rest filled out. 

. 

. 

Levi had disappeared into his room as soon as the meeting had adjourned. Bandaged heavily around the torso and limping on his right leg. He had turned blind to the medics advice to rest after the battle and had refused the crutches they offered.

Alone in his room and with his gear still in place he eyed the cooling cup of tea.

The satisfaction that he had felt when he killed Zeke was short-lasting and now with everything---Historia was dead and Zachary and even the rat faced Nile was injured---there was just numbness.

He reached for the cup but held back. His left hand was trembling too hard.

He had the Beast titan out on the ground exactly as he had had him 5 years ago. The bastard was smiling and when he took the end of his blade and cut one of his arms off he reveled in his agony filled screams. He continued hacking away until all four limbs were cut off. Just as he was about to finish severing his head off Zeke said.

"I wonder what Erwin Smith would say to you now? I've heard so much about him its like **I** practically knew him." 

. 

. 

Hange, tired as they were, made their way to the dungeons. It was where they kept the bodies of the deceased as they waited for the families to claim them.The guards outside saluted them and Hange quicky dismissed them and the others inside as she went to collect the medical record. The door was the third on the right and they felt themselves tense up as they reached for the handle. There was some anger towards Levi for their quick retreat to their quarters and especially his lack of information regarding the body. It was what Armin had told them, after the meeting was up, that had left them anxious and scared....

Of course Armin would notice, they thought.

_"The eyes are the same."_

Whomever this was might be related to Erwins family and they would find out whether this was so.

The file had been in their old study accumulating dust. Hange ran their thumb along the letters, one my one. They took a deep breath and fixed the mask over their mouth and pushed the door open. It had been a long time since then donned the white lab coat.

The body was covered in a white sheet. Someone had already cleaned it from the note on the door but, the autopsy, Hange had specifically requested they would perform it. They approached the body. Some long forgotten excitement shot through their system. It had been a long time since they had felt this feeling.

Drawing the sheet back they took notice _(their eyes were wide)_ that... the face was not as badly bruised as Armin had said.

_Its him! Its Erwin!_

They took a shuddering breath. _Calm. Calm_ That could have easily been the conditions in which they had found it. The hair and beard had been brushed and trimmed and Hange moved the head to the left and pulled the hair away, just above the ear.

The scar from the rock incident.

Not present.

The scar on their elbow, from their too enthusiastic stitches. He was the only one who would let them on practice, as cadets.

Not present.

The one from a training incident with Mike, Levis scars, the ones from the wire, from the shrapnel of broken blades, from when he had fallen from a horse when training.

Not present. Not present. Not present.

_They were breathing faster._

NOT PRESENT.

Hange took a deep breath. 

The mole just behind Erwins right ear.

"Present."

The one hidden in between his ring finger and pinkie on his _right_ arm.

"Present."

The cluster of forever freckles on his collarbone _(The ones quicksilver eyes lingered on.)_. 

"...Present."

The birthmark just above his left ankle, a ring within a ring.

"Present.

The birthmark that was the same one his father had, low on the back. _"You're only the fourth person to see it, Hange."_ They had blushed, Erwin Smith was after all, much talked about amongst the younger cadets.

_I don't understand._

"Present..."

They double, triple checked everything, all the while their vision became blurry with tears. Hange had known every scar and birthmark of every soldier that remained after the fall of Maria, that had been with the Scouts just as long as she or longer. She knew Erwins just as she had known Mikes and Moblits and many, many others. The right lens fogged up. They removed their glasses and in the cold temperature of the room they watched their breath dissolve. They closed their eye exhaling, holding tight to the metal table.

She retrieved her hand back in shock 

It was warm, it was _hot_

They opened their eye.

. 

. 

Levi pushed back from the desk, clutched the cup of tea, threw it at the window, and watched it shatter.

. 

. 

Hange watched mesmerized as the steam rose from the body _(Erwin)_ , delicate tendrils dissolving before they reached the high ceiling. They took a deep breath and as they exhaled...

Erwin inhaled.

Hange sobbed loud, hand stretched out and laying it on top of his moving chest.

Erwin was breathing slowly.

 _He_ was breathing.

. 

. 

_"You lose! I win!"_

Levi raised his sword and severed Zekes head. It rolled to the side, facing the skewered body to the left. The mad smile, forever triumphant, still on his face as the blood dribbled from the corners of his mouth.

Levi felt his hair stand on end.

. 

. 

Erwin was here.

He gasped a mouthful of air and he opened electric-blue eyes.

_Erwin Smith was alive._

. 

. 

"YOU LOSE!"

He took a canister of gas, shattered the remains of the window and flew off into the night, and Levi disappeared beyond the darkness. On his desk was black box the same as the one that had contained the titan serum. Inside, nestled against red velvet, was a silver tongue.

. 

. 

. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it too confusing?


	3. Pied-Piper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin Smith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3. Its quite long I think. thanks for waiting. Enjoy.

. 

. 

. 

Pain had always been a constant companion for Erwin Smith.

It had been this way as he entered the world within the walls.

“When you were born,” his father said, "the umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck.”

They had realized this too late and his mother had bleed out as they cut the blue, immobile babe from her womb. She laid there tiredly crying and scared as the midwife and her assistants worked hard to breathe life and colour into her babe. She had cried out with joy and relief as she heard the piercing cry of her newborn and when they placed the baby against her heaving breast she kissed his brow, pink skin and soft downy hair.

“I’m so glad you were born into this world.”

She whispered, one last time, as her hold on her husband’s hand weakened. Newborn cries fading into the dark void.

Yes, pain had been a constant companion and so too was _Death_

It was intertwined with him, more closely than anything else. 

Death never seemed to close its jaws fast enough, was never quick enough to trap Erwin in its grasp but, it took gleeful satisfaction in the wake of spilled blood.

. 

. 

“You keep on evading Death.” Nile remarked, glass empty.

“Perhaps he has made a pact with it.” Levi countered thinking of civilian and military rumors. 

“I think Death just favors you, Commander.” He proclaimed swallowing his drink, entirely too graceful, as Nile nodded in agreement. 

From the bed Erwin stopped his one-arm handling of KIA and MIA notices and smiled.

 _Such a creepy smile._ Nile and Levi thought, passing the bottle between them as Erwin looked down at the name written at the top of the MIA list.

_Zacharias, Mikael—First Section Commander_

Brother.

On his first expedition, he watched as Soledad saluted him _“I give my heart.”_ She had followed him from the orphanage and called him brother (again and again in his nightmares). Her spilled blood, bright crimson against the titans jaws and sallow skin of their hold.

Sister.

He watched the coffin descend below ground—a terrible numbing pain (guilt) as the people (fakes) patted his head and gave their “I’m sorry for your loss.” He didn’t cry once as he stood before the grave. “Such a creepy and odd child.” They whispered amongst themselves.

Father.

“You’ve got her hair Erwin, and her curiosity and her bravery. She loved you very much. She called you her ‘“little prince.”’ His father said, kneeling before the grave, fresh flowers in hand. 5 year old Erwin carefully laid his flower on the headstone tracing the name.

Mother. 

_It was fortunate,_ he thought of Nile and Marie and the children, _that I have no lover._

Levi snapped his fingers in front of him, successfully getting his attention and rousing him from his train of thought. He frowned at Erwin’s slow response and glanced at their severed right arm. Nile was picking up both empty glasses and bottle and making his way to the door.

“I’m taking these.” He said grabbing the forgotten documents from the Commanders hand. “Get some fucking rest, I won’t always be doing your job for you, you damn Old Man. Tomorrow you better be prepared to say goodbye to that hideous beard you’ve got. Looks like a fucking hobo,” they spit out, shuddering in distaste, “worse, yet, it looks like that rat-face bastard, Niles’ (“Hey!”).” They left and Erwin could still hear them arguing as he settled down.

Tomorrow another gamble, another parring with Death and just before he closed his eyes he thought. 

_Death didn’t favor anybody or anyone they simply were._

“They certainly don’t favor me” He spoke aloud, feeling the phantom umbilical cord tightening around his neck. 

The _pain_ of his severed right arm.

The shadow unwound itself from him, gazing at his sleeping figure--sound asleep and immobile.

Like the dead. 

. 

. 

He spat thick carmine blood onto the cold stone of his cell. Nile had just left and his footsteps were fading down the dungeon. The stationed guard made a noise of disgust behind him as he ran his tongue over lose molars. The “interrogation" had ended a while ago and with it the numbing effects of adrenaline. There was only pain.

His thighs were covered in burns from hot pokers and cigarettes. The back of his shirt was pressing on the welts from the lashes— _he_ had seemed to particularly enjoy those. He felt the blood pounding in his left eye. Breathing was difficult, the result of continued kicks to his sides. He focused on breathing slowly and evenly, the blood was pounding incessantly in his head making the growing headache worse. The vision in his right eye was spotty and his mouth was quickly filling with salty saliva. The urge to vomit was overwhelming but he forced himself to swallow, holding his breath and leaning against the wall so that the pain would distract him.

He didn’t want to give tomorrows audience the satisfaction of watching him prostate before them with a filthy, vomit stained shirt. The nausea would pass but the rotting smell coming from his right arm would not. He had hoped it was just his mind playing tricks on his senses but Niles grimace at the sight of his arm had killed that. Perhaps they would go to all that trouble with the gallows for nothing, perhaps he would die rotting like the many corpses of the soldiers he ordered abandoned beyond the walls.

They planned to tie a noose around his neck and watch him hang before the civilians (the ones whose ignorance had been ended in the wake of Annie Leonhart). The irony of such an end left him laughing much to the disbelief of his guard.

The irony that since the very beginning he had been brought to the world with a noose around his neck when the Nobles at the beck and call of the “King” had taunted his inevitable death at the gallows. Death, that he had, somehow, continued to successfully evade in his many outings beyond the walls, inside the (safety) of the walls _poisonhiddendaggerssabotagedequipmentpointedgunshiredassasins **titans**_ , and his recklessness (gambles), by his own admission.

The shadows moved closer, waiting.

"Not yet, not yet. Soon."

. 

. 

The door closed (softly), firmly behind the Captain. His steps quiet and too cat like for Erwin to hear. The door closed and _he_ disappeared. 

This pain was different.

It hibernated and reared as it desired. It left Erwin angry and ravenous because it burned in the pit of his stomach and in the blood of his veins. He burned in anger _because it should not._

The remaining sunlight had died, extinguished fast at the Captains exit. He had stolen it. Erwin wondered what else had extinguished with him (the door shut firmly). The gawping pain in his chest throbbed and oozed. His hand was shaking as he gripped his stump. The pain was no more, instead he remembered the flash of it, that seemed to settle, for a moment, on Levis face (Atlas shuddering at the added burden) before his declaration.

_"Erwin, I'll trust your judgement."_

Erwin had seen his head bowed in resignation (you stupid, stubborn, fuck), the downturn of pursed lips, the shadows that settled behind dulled, grey eyes, the ones that eventually would and hands (much smaller than his) clenched tightly, shaking. He turned around and the image was superimposed with all whom he had ordered to Death. 

(The door shut firmly.)

Erwin was gasping. 

Right fist over the heart, left hand behind the back.

"Give your heart to Humanity.”

For the glory of Humanity.

Judge. Jury. Executioner.

What other burdens would he thrust upon such slender shoulders? Those were more than enough. Humanity’s Strongest was still only human. There was no need to let such innocuous sentiments known. No need to let such words pass his lips. The black box would be the last burden on his shoulders surely... 

Everything was readied, the battlefield awaited, the pieces were all set (his _Queen_ was strong, pawns could be promoted, the _King_ would be save behind 3 walls). He would go and meet the awaited opponent.

The shadow shifted in the darkness. He placed a final letter inside of the top most drawer.

_The player could be replaced._

(The door shut firmly.)

When Erwin closed the door, (softly, firmly) he disappeared in the glom. His steps echoing, the shadows following until they became his until they…

…intertwined.

. 

. 

He remembered the sudden striking splat of mud, its coolness, and second the ringing in his ear and then a warmth. He lead the expedition back and through the goadingscreamingcrying crowds because it was _his plan_. His plan that had cost lives, that had cost _his_ friends lives.

His mount didn’t flinch or rear, so used it was too much worse violence. Still, when he got up and wiped the mud away the pain (on his hand, on his head, the one he still felt in his heart) ---"I’m fine Mike."---let him focus enough that he refused to break before them. Leading his stead (so they would aim for him without danger of inflicting any (more) harm to it) head raised and eyes facing forward beyond the torrential rain (a balm for the blood and pain) right fist clenched tightly, he felt his shadow awaken.

. 

. 

He lead the Scouts one final time. The men were rallied and ready on their war horses, signals in one hand, reins in the other.

The sky fell and thundered, the earth quaked and rumbled.

He rode forward and his (foolish) soldiers followed.

**RAGE!**

The remains of steaming titans and the look of quicksilver grey eyes as they lunged at him.

**SCREAM!**

Such a desperate inhuman sound from the Female titan. It left Erwin reeling everytime he recalled it. 

**FIGHT!**

Even now he remembered the grace and strength poised in each of Levi moves. Just like a bird. 

He looked forward, eyes set, meeting Death ready and determined. And as the sky bloomed emerald, scarlet, sapphire, violet, and black he remembered that they had always been _intertwined._

He was the pied piper leading the children to the edge of the cliff as they jumped and bashed their headsheartsbodies below the unforgiving rocks.

He had always been Death.

He fell, his mount fell and there was so much pain. His foolish soldiers kept on riding and the thundering and quaking continued until it didn’t and then the battlefield was getting quieter and he opened his eyes one last time and beyond, he had always looked beyond, he saw Levi hook his anchors onto the Beast and he knew.

_My Queen is strong._

His companion, pain, was quiet, and Death reigned over him, looking and waiting.

 _An old friend,_ he thought finally closing his eyes.

He remembered his Father carrying him on his back when he had fallen and skinned his hands and knees jumping from a tree. He had wanted to fly.

He did not remember his shoulders being that narrow or thin.

He remembered his father explaining the walls and he raising his hand and asking a question that had doomed them both.

He did not remember the why of the sting on the crook of his elbow.

He remembered silver grey eyes and the scent of black tea.

He did not remember the reason iron surrounded him.

He remembered clearly all the times spent with his friends joking and laughing.

He did not remember the cries of anguished relief or a promise vowed once more. 

He remembered the hard ground of the battlefield.

He did not remember the softness of a down bed or the scent of flowers.

. 

. 

When Erwin woke up next he heard the screaming, agony filled cries of thousands so loud and clear that there was not an ounce of doubt as he felt his head overcome with them.

_Hell, I’m in Hell._

A voice was closer, sounded clearer than the thousand others. A woman’s voice crying out. 

“He is awake. He is awake.” As hands brushed his hair.

The shadow waited.

. 

. 

Again, he should be dead.

He remembered darkness. Darkness had been present ever since she found him and imprisoned him and turned him over to whom he had been warned to avoid. 

. 

. 

“You must not let yourself be captured Erwin.” She brushed his dark hair and placed the helmet on top. “Be swift and warry of all. My contact will be waiting for you, show them,” she grazed the earring, “and they will smuggle you across the Mediterranean Sea. Getting to Marley will prove to be difficult but it will be nothing as you make your way throughout the rest of the journey.” 

She cupped his cheek to her hand and he kissed her knuckles in return. Nellie waited crouched to make it easier to reach her neck. Everything was readied. They took the main tunnel. He had learned the passage ways of each of them and the next big one, the one that had been worked on continuously to the Underground, was nearly finished. He could hear them working and they called out to him good luck and until next time as he passed with Nellie. He waved his one hand in return.

The exit was before them. Nellie stopped and gently took him in her hands. ‘Ready’ and she opened her mouth and placed him inside.

‘You have trained for months since we found you. You have studied and learned to shield your mind from their screams and cries. I’m sure it won’t be without hardships and plenty more lives lost but we all have worked hard and waited for the perfect opportunity. Erwin I feel as though this nightmare will finally end.’

Erwin was quiet, the once deafening screams were merely whispers. He concentrated harder until there was silence and he set his jaw in determination as he felt Nellie quicken, making her way to the shore of Paradis Island.

He would soon see the world and what had become of it--- the lands, and the people ---and he would learn the enemy and its plans. With these allies he would surely achieve the once impossible. He felt the emerald earring in his lobe and thought of his journey and remembered the foreign lands name as the locals called it.

“Nippon.” 

The Land of the Rising Sun.

_For the Glory of Humanity._

. 

. 

He should be _dead._

He remembered the pain erupting on his chest as Eren, in his blind rage at Zeke’s deception, hurled the bone white spear at him and felt Zeke haul him from where he laid. He had been waiting for his rumored little brother’s temperament.

Zeke laughed as he used the momentum of his summoned beast titans’ arm to evade the attack. Meanwhile Erwin was caught in his titans grip. The spear piercing through the titan hand and him. The titans arm was already steaming and disappearing, leaving just his body hanging as Zeke laughed summoning his full Beast titan.

He wanted to scream at the pain. He could not scream.

. 

. 

He heard the door opening and the steps of several, maybe 5 others, enter. He was already tensing. The light was blinding and he recoiled, eyes watering. He was surrounded cornered and then he caught the whiff of cigarette smoke. He could feel his skin break into a cold sweat.

“Its been such a pleasure getting to know you commander. The time has come for us to part however. You know during these last few months I feel like me and you could’ve been great friends. It’s such a shame that we couldn’t see eye to eye. We could have been brothers. I wonder for the longest time whether you might have been able to talk your way out of any situation. That’s what they say you know. That you inspire people, that you inspired loyalty such a “way with words”…such great things about Erwin Smith, the 13th commander of the Survey Corps. I guess that’s been your greatest weapon hasn’t it? That silver tongue of yours.”

The five that entered with Zeke grabbed him yanking him to his knees and holding his head as Zeke flashed a switch blade. He panicked even as he felt his mouth forced open. He was weak, exceedingly so after so long, after so many tests and beatings. His eyes were wide as Zeke grabbed for his tongue. He was breathing raggedly, his heart pounding.

Zeke looked at him as he sliced his tongue and Erwin’s eyes rolled back, his mouth filling with thick, hot blood that gagged him and had him spluttering even as he heard the splat of what must have been Zeke dropping his sliced tongue to the floor. He threw up at Zeke’s feet. The acid burning what was left of his tongue mixing with blood. He felt Zeke grasp his chin and forcing him to look up.

“You really are a handsome man Commander,” He said caressing his bearded covered jaw, running a finger along his cheekbones. “You have such an intense blue gaze that I might have been tempted to _follow_ you myself. Too bad you really aren’t my type at all and I doubt I’m anywhere near close to yours if rumors are to be believed.”

Erwin’s vison grew foggy and the pain was making him see spots and he thinks he must be imaging things when Zeke says.

“You sure do have an intense gaze there commander I wonder if you used those pretty blue eyes of yours on your Captain. Come to think of it he’s got a pretty intense gaze himself.

. 

. 

There was something warm resting on his chest. 

Déjà vu.

There was a familiar person crying. Once upon a time he remembered them crying at dying titans. The bed he was laid on was hot but the room was cold. It was odd, feeling out of body, just like five years ago. 

He was sure death was before him and yet he had been sure of that so many other times before. Just like five years ago he woke up to his mind filling with the loud wailing of people caught in never-ending nightmares. 

He screamed loud and hard and with so much force that his voice echoed all around. The person at his side was struggling against his sudden movements. But Erwin was beyond caring or noticing their continued attempts to calm him down. Outside there was more yelling as a door was thrown open and the sound of steps grew. 

The anguished cries of thousands came wave after wave, each time clearer and just as loud as five years ago, just as desperate with pain.

He clutched at his head, pulling on his long hair, in a last ditch effort to quell the noise. Immediately there were hands trying to hold him back, to stop his actions. The screaming persisted and Erwin cried out. 

"Make them stop. Make them STOP. STOP SCREAMING, STOP YELLING. PLEASE, PLEASE STOP CRYING!!!"

The hands backed away and then there was quick prick, like the sting of a bee on his shoulder. 

"I can hear you. I can hear you...I...an...hea..r..you..." he muttered, speech growing slurry, and bony limbs relaxing.

The screaming, yelling, crying, anguish and pain stopped. There was only silence as Erwin Smith drifted off into unconsciousness. Hange was left shaking with fresh tears streaming their cheeks holding on to Erwins hand, the needle she had used to tranquilize him lay shattered on the floor. The guards that had rushed when she yelled for them were pale faced and looking stunned as they watched the 13th Commander breathing slowly and calmly at last. 

"There is nobody screaming Erwin. There was nobody yelling. What did they do to you Erwin? Who did you hear crying?"

. 

. 

. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is it so far?  
> I was quite excited about this chapter.  
> Thank you for reading.


	4. Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 4 another long one.

. 

. 

. 

The ride had gone without any problems, the sun was not yet at its zenith as he reached the valley that led down to the small house. It was a peaceful day.

_A peaceful day._

Those had been hard to come by and now they were more or less the norm. Especially for those people within the walls. They had slowly approached peace, skittish and hesitant because so _many_ lives, far too many lives had been paid to achieve this fragile peace of theirs. 

Levi Ackerman stopped at the foot of the valley, taking in the sight. It had been almost a year since he had last seen this place. Down in the field it smelled of meadow flowers and wild chamomile. _He_ had always found the scent soothing. There was a cool breeze and this far away from the walls he could hear the swish of wild grass and the rustling of emerald leaves on trees. Summer was coming to an end.

Levi dismounted his horse, a young one "still learning" the breeders had said. Levi had picked up on their hesitance to let him ride the horse outside the walls and ignored them. The gelding had been sister to his previous horse and he wanted this one to a run outside, in true freedom, without the need (fear) of monsters attacking it. 

They had left early in the morning, just the two of them, despite the protests coming from Hange and the continued offers of many of the brats and newbies to accompany him. He gave them all a pointed look and they backed down, many frowning and Hange throwing their hands up in the air. They could do nothing to persuade him otherwise.

Their new role as Commander was just as demanding as any of the previous Commanders' had been. Hange wished them good luck and safe journey and handed them a fresh bouquet of flowers before he left. He placed the bouquet carefully in the bag, amongst them there were the seeds from the Survey soldiers and civilians. Each time anyone journeyed to the field seeds were scattered. This would be the first time anyone would see if the seeds had taken root.

They had. The once blood soaked earth scattered with human and horse corpses was covered with the red of the poppy. The “remembrance flower” with its gauzy delicate petals was a sight and Levi took in the in the time to appreciate the gesture that so many had taken part in. He scattered the seeds just as many others had done simply uttering a “Thank you.”

He left his horse to graze at the bottom of wall Maria and used his gear to make his way over the wall and into Shinganshina, to the well Hange had specified. That spring had been a particular rainy and long one. Levi wasn’t surprised when he saw vines of flowers climbing from the mouth of the well. 

"Berner, I’m sure you’re much better off where these flowers, Four-eyes asked me to bring you, wont make you cry and sneeze snot all over. Guess you never told them you are allergic to them. Or maybe they just wanted to annoy you. They’ve done well. You would have been surprised and proud. Still a pain in the ass though...at least they bathe more often. Do me a favor if you can and haunt the crap out of them when they get too carried away, especially when they need to sleep. Nag them as much as you can. You were much better at reeling them in than you thought. Rest easy. I’ll do my best to keep them in check. 

Levi placed the bouquet of flowers at the bottom of the well and saluted the final site of Moblit Berners resting place. He would have liked it, it was beautiful.

As he made his way back over wall Maria he paused and looked over both sides. 

_This is where Erwin stood as he commanded both sides of the battle._ Levi could see everything playing out in quick flashes. With a shake of his head to clear the visions he moved and look forward. Near the edge of the field of flowers had stood the Beast titan and his titan minions waiting, all lined up. Levi fisted his hands and clenched his jaw. 

_I'll fucking kill you and make you pay for what you did. Just you wait._

__

Levi turned to look to the valley, he could see the house with the red chimney and grey roof. He flew down to where his horse was grazing contentedly. 

__

_Erwin, I will keep my promise. I swear._

__

He made his way to the house with the blue door.

__

_"I still remember the blue of our door. I helped my Father paint it. He let me press my hand to it you know. I thought one day I would have a house of my own, with a blue door. It was my Mother's favourite colour"_

__

He tied the horse to the tree, branches heavy and bowing with fruit. The horse was quick to indulge in the overripe fruit on the ground. Levi gave a faint grimace at the fruit, as he unloaded the wooden box. With it secured in his hands and the bag over his shoulder, he stepped up to the front of the blue door. The door was old and weathered more so than the first time he opened it. The blue paint had begun to peel from most of its surface. The few remaining peels on the ground looked like fish scales scattered amongst the overgrown weeds. 

__

Levi pushed the door open. The undisturbed dust scattered into the sunlight coming in from the cracks and open spaces of the ceiling. There were weeds and flowers that had squeezed in-between and through the wooden floor boards. The vase that had once held the hastily placed flowers lay shattered on the ground, gleaming. Those flowers were growing inside and throughout the small room, the very same ones that Hange had placed in that vase 

__

“Erwin, I’m back. Its time you’ve come home.”

__

Levi stepped into the room and made his way through the flowers and to the bed. It was dusty as hell and his nose itched as he looked at the remains of the 13th Commander. For some reason, for just a quick indulgent moment, he had expected to see him sitting on the bed, waiting for him with an easy smile and a twinkle in his eyes.

__

_“Levi, is something the matter? What can I do for you?_

__

Those were just the foolhardy thoughts of a regretful mind.

__

The dead never waited for one. It was the living that endlessly waited.

__

The bones rested on the bed the same exact way they had when he left Erwin here. Levi set the box on the bed and began collecting all them onto the still, remarkably, well preserved Survey cloak. He made sure every single fragment of small bones were collected and then he reached for the skull. It was slightly turned to the left. Erwin had tended to favor the right side in his sleep. He was dead now though, and it didn’t matter which way their skull fell.

__

Levi reached with a shaky hand to turn the skull mirroring the motion 5 years ago. His hand lingered and he traced the right cheekbone tenderly.

__

He saw Erwin asleep in the chair and cupped his jaw. Erwin would wake, blue eyes soft with the remains of sleep, and with a smile he would remark. 

__

_“Your hands are cold.”_

__

Levi would grin back as Erwin would lean into his cold hand, blue eyes closing as if savoring the moment.

__

Just a regretful mind. 

__

That never happened. 

__

It never would.

__

Not once had they showed one another anything but professionalism and respect befitting their tittles as Commander and Captain. There had been a friendship but nothing more.

__

Levi withdrew his hand as if burned. He was gasping and there was a warmth behind his silver eyes. He cleared his throat rebuffing himself internally. Erwin wasn’t like that. At most he would stare confusedly at such a display on Levis part.

__

,em> Yeah, Erwin Smith wasn’t like that. 

__

Levi took a deep breath and with both hands placed the skull on top of the other bones. He tied the ends securely and placed them inside the ornate wooden box and headed towards the door. 

__

He comes back, after securing the box to the well-fed horse, to close the door behind him. Just as he does a flash of emerald catches his eye on the corner of the door. He hesitates thinking of bolo ties with emerald gemstones and then ignores it.

__

He closes the door softly, firmly.

__

He rides back through fields of wild chamomile, through flowers growing from dead soldiers and heads back to the walls.

__

In a weeks’ time will mark the anniversary of the Maria and Shinganshina battles. They will hold a ceremony to honor the lives lost then and the ones before. Erwin Smith will be laid down to rest at last, with a proper funeral befitting his accomplishments as 13th Commander of the Survey Corps. 

__

Soon after, an expedition beyond wall Maria will commence with Hange leading it. The world within the walls and its people would keep moving forward with their spear in hand. 

__

For now Erwin will come home (at last) and it is that thought that has Levi feeling lighter than he has in a while.

__

_Erwin will come home._

. 

. 

The rain has not let up at all, the wind had picked up and the lightning and thunder flash and echo all around. Levi is not bothered by the rain or the darkness obscuring his vision. He knows how to fly in such weather. Knows how to move with the wind.

__

He knows the way.

__

He lands on the stone dais, and he looks to the name carved on marble.

__

ERWIN SMITH

__

He had to be sure that he was still here. That everything had simply been a misunderstanding. They were all wrong!

__

They had to be. 

__

Erwin was dead. He had freed him from this hellish place. He was free.

__

Levi had set him free. 

__

He hadn’t abandoned him not like his mother had done to him or like Kenny.

__

But…

__

He had abandoned Isabel and Farlan.

__

He had abandoned Petra, Oluo, Erd and Gunther. 

__

He had abandoned countless others beyond the walls 

__

He hadn’t abandoned Erwin. He couldn’t. He wouldn't have. He brought him back and he was here beneath him. Resting. 

__

Levi leaned his back against he headstone banging his head back and forth, back and forth.

__

_"Levi, thank you."_

__

Back and forth. 

__

_"Are you ever going to tell me about your commander? What was his name again? Smith--right? Reiner and Berthold told me some things about him. Kept singing praises about him. I would have liked to meet him."_

__

Back and forth. 

__

_"I've been told he had a way with words. A silver tongued man with intense blue eyes and a creepy smile."_

__

Back and forth. 

__

_"Hey Captain," He leans close to his ear. "I heard from the Ambassador of Hizuru that she met such a man. Do you remember? Your silver tongued Commander. "Such a pity," she told me, "He is very handsome but"---and you’re going to laugh when I say this---"he is missing a limb." That woman is a straight up bitch huh? Hey cap---Levi what’s with that face? Wasn't that funny?"_

__

Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.

__

His body was numb to the biting cold, the storm raged on. He was so numb and tired, he ignored the warmth sliding down his cheeks. His quickened intakes of breath drowned in the wind. He bit his lip savagely to stop the oncoming sobs and when he couldn’t he screamed loud and hard into the night. 

__

He could see the silver tongue glinting mockingly against scarlet. Hand clenched tightly around the note.

__

_You never mentioned that Erwin Smith was so handsome, Captain. I hope you like this parting gift. I thought of you as I sliced his tongue off. Don't worry he will still make a beautiful corpse and guess Kiyomi was wrong. He has all his limbs attached._

__

Lightning flashed and right before the thunder boomed, the emergency lights went off in the tower beyond the woods. The tolling bells followed soon after and Levi felt his heart quicken. 

. 

. 

“Jean, where are you going?”

__

“Connie is still in the medical bay. He needs to know what’s happened Armin and I want to confirm Reiners and the cart titans’ story. This whole damned thing is a one stinking mess and we don’t need any more surprises on top of that. Not with the premier and…” Jean stopped abruptly to inhale deeply, fists shaking at his sides.

__

“Armin this is our fault, isn't it? We were the ones to push her into this role, well…not us but we didn’t do anything to stop the Captain back then right? And Eren, Mikasa is…went with them, the ones guarding them? I don’t know what to think anymore regarding Jeager. The whole things one big fucking mess. And it's still not over! Don’t you think that woman Kiyomi is going to try something as well? I never liked her.”

__

“Jean I…”

__

Armin was at a loss for words. He believed Reiner and Pieck and…Jean looked at his face

__

“I guess even a mind like yours can’t make sense of everything that’s happened huh?” Jean continued down the hallway. 

__

“Jean, I’ll meet you there, with Connie. I’m going to see the Commander about those records.” 

__

Jean focused on Armin footsteps head the opposite way, purposely not thinking about that particular bag of bones.

__

_One big fucking mess._

__

Connie was still being cleared for visitors just as Armin arrived with Mikasa trailing behind. All four of them were battered and bruised and exhausted, emotionally and physically. Connie looked a halfway like a mummy with his head wrapped tight from where one of the Marley soldiers had fired and nicked his ear. He looked expectantly at the three around him. 

__

“So you gonna tell me what's happened in the briefing assembly?” 

__

“Yeah, just hold off on questions till we are done. Okay?” Jean patted his ankle awkwardly.

__

The next couple minutes for the 104 seemed long as they let Connie know of all that had been discussed. By the end he was staring down at his hands with a blank expression. He cursed out loud and plopped back onto the bed, his arm covering his face.

__

“So Historias dead, the Premier is dead, a whole slew of our soldiers and Marley soldiers are dead. The captain killed the Beast titan and shit is still shit…” He let out a broken chuckle. 

__

“Connie---“ 

__

“What about Reiner and Pieck and Eren? Where are they?” 

__

“Pixis is keeping them in the holding cells” (“Pfftt, a lot a good that will do.”) “Connie they were telling the truth weren’t they? Reiner and Pieck…” 

__

“Yeah, they were. So what’s going to happen now? Are we just going to wait around while that woman is up to who knows what and there’s still Zeke’s followers, right? What’s going to happen to them? Do we even know where they are or…Fuck!” Connie covered his face with both hands. 

__

“I don’t remember who but, after our second time into titan territory, someone said that the 104th were damn lucky. They were right you know? We were, I knew it and…Sasha did to. We just kept surviving. And yeah we were top 10 but we know that means shit when you join the Survey Corps. You go out and survive that first time and we got lucky because it was the vets that made sure we survived. A whole lot of them died. I wasn’t that much of an idiot to realize that was the reason nor was I arrogant enough to think that we got chosen by Captain Levi to join his squad because we were all that. They just wanted to keep this damn oddball group of idiot brats under watch. Because we had spies and traitors and titan shifter to our fucking ears. Yeah we were lucky. And now we still have one don’t we. Eren he’s a goddamn traitor!” 

__

“Connie---“ 

__

“Shut up Mikasa! You and Armin still have each other. Me and Jean, we had Sasha and shes fucking dead and Captain Levi and Commander Hange, they lost everyone right? We all know, we just never talked about it. We were all damn cowards! I had a family and guess what, that big brother of Erens’ fucking turned them into titans. Our luck ran out didn’t it?”

__

Connie cried silently, his hands shaking. Jean refused to look at him instead looking to the floor. Armin and Mikasa were the same. 

__

“My mom….She's never going to be able to go back is she?” Connie struggled, voice breaking. “I’m gonna to have to kill her, aren’t I?”

__

“You don’t know that---“ 

__

Connie sit up and looked incredulously at Armin. Tears streaming down his face. 

__

“Yes I do! There might have been a slim chance had Zeke survived but I knew it wouldn’t be possible even then. Armin you were the smartest in our cadet class and the smartest person I’ve met but, I’m not an imbecile, and I’ve not known you to be a liar. So look me in the eye and tell me how, how on earth is my mother going to be able to return to normal?” 

__

Armin starred, crying silently, mouth shaking unable to respond to Connie. Mikasa had closed her eyes tear streaming down pale cheeks. 

__

Connie laid back down tears still streaming down his face taking breaths through his mouth.

__

“Our luck ran out a long time ago.” 

__

They were quiet as they settled back. Armin sat on the floor with the file Hange had given him. She would have started the autopsy already. He felt guilty being the one to have mentioned the similar eyes. The Queen and Premiers bodies would be arriving by morning along with the rest of the Smith family records. They had been “lucky” that they hadn’t found any of Zekes followers, it seemed that they had fled to Marley or wherever.

__

He thought of Annie and Porco and wondered if they were okay. Had they reached Marley without a problem? His eyes were blurry and stinging looking at the file 

__

“Are you going to be able to look at that? The Colossal takes a lot out of you doesn’t it Armin?”

__

“I’ll be fine Jean. The Commandeer is going to be the one doing the autopsy and I want be sure to finish with these before the rest of the records arrive.”

__

“Is…do you really think it’s a relative of Commander Smith? 

__

“I don’t know. Commander Smith died. I’m not the only one sure of that. We all saw his body and his injuries. It would have been impossible for anyone to survive from the injuries he sustained, even if we had managed to get him back to Wall Rose in time.”

__

“Not impossible.” 

__

They looked to Connie, still staring at the ceiling.

__

“Unlikely, but not impossible. With everything that’s happened I believe that if anyone could pull something like coming back to life it’d be him.” 

__

“But, it would make more sense if it was a Marlean relative.” 

__

“Oh you mean like Eren’s psycho brother? No thanks. Besides, you said he’d probably been kept prisoner and everyone knows how much of great host the Beast titan was. Dudes probably better dead if they tortured him. What’s the file say anyway? Any sort of juicy details that the Commander had? Like an illegitimate kid or something?” 

__

Armin blanched and Mikasa eyes twitched. It was Jean who laughed, relieved to see, that Connie wasn’t miserable anymore.

__

“As if the Captain would have allowed something like that to happen.” 

__

“What do you mean Jean? Come to think of it what did the Captain say when he saw the body?”

. 

. 

Jean was heading over to the officers post. Everyone even the Military police were rushing to get everything ready before they set out after Reiner and Berthold. Shit he still couldn’t believe it! 

__

They were titan shifters. The same ones that had caused everything, from the beginning. And Ymir he didn’t know what to think about that all. Still, there was no time to ponder, he needed to be there when they set out. It was one problem after another whenever that damn suicidal maniac was involved and always, always people were left dead or hurt, left and right. 

__

"Jean, are you alright?” The Commander startled him out of his thoughts with a hand on his shoulders.

__

Jean felt himself tense and embarrassment at the Commander speaking to him so casually. He opened his mouth to answer but the Commander looked up, frowning. 

__

“Captain, just what is it that you are doing?” He stepped past Jean moving toward Captain Levi who making his way; gear over his dress clothes, with a spare uniform under his arm. He was still limping subtly. 

__

“I can change into the uniform on the way in one of the wagons Erwin. There's no t---” 

__

“You will not be coming with us.” 

__

“What?! But Hange and the rest are injured. Has Mike checked in?” 

__

“No, it is exactly why you will be staying behind. You to are injured and you've likely gone and hurt yourself further when you stopped Eren from devouring Annie Leonhart.” 

__

“I did that to---” 

__

“You ignored my direct orders to stay of off your injury. You will not do so again. You are my best soldier and I wont have you out on the field---” 

__

“You---the more reason why I need to go. I can’t sit this out due to a minor injury. Mike is gone and Hange is injured, you should at least take m---!” 

__

“The Military and Garrison will be more than enough. Is that not right gentlemen?” He replied directing his question to the several Military and Garrison squad leaders waiting for his orders. They nodded reluctantly as the Captain frowned, eyeing them critically. 

__

The Commander nodded at them to begin loading everything onto the lifts and turned back to the less than pleased Captain looking as though he wanted to kill them. He looked back stoically and turned to Jean. Throughout the whole exchange he had broken into a cold sweat. Not once had he seen these two but heads, especially not where many were present. 

__

“Strip.” 

__

The Commander ordered. Both Levi and Jean froze looking utterly at loss for words and replying. 

__

“What!?” 

__

“The both of you. Jean you have not refilled your gas I take it(he nodded) and Captain Levi has his all filled (he glared). Switch gears as well. I would prefer if there were no chance of the gear malfunctioning after the Female titan. Thomas,” The soldiers that Jean recognized as the one to bring the news of the titans inside Wall Rose was making his way to the lifts stopped at his name, “you will not be joining in this expedition. Take Captain Levis uniform and Jeans gear. Levi I won't hesitate in writing you up for this if you do not obey with the previous disregard I will have you barred from the next scouting missions as well, regardless of your status as the best soldier in the Corps or your healed injury.” 

__

The Captain, infuriated, all but shoved the spare uniform in Thomas’ direction and with quick precise movements removed his gear. Jean wasn't even close to finished with his, fumbling under the tense atmosphere. Jean paled as he made his way to Captain, gear handed to Thomas. The Captain seemed to want to fumigate him with his eyes alone, gear tossed so surprisingly at him that he was nearly smacked in the face. He at least had the care to not do the same to the gas canisters and blade dispensers. 

__

“Thomas, watch over the Captain. Make sure he stays off his injured foot and---” 

__

“I'm not some green cadet that I’ll need a damn babysitter!” The Captain spit out. 

__

“It seems you do, Captain. Hange and their squad will join you once we leave. Make sure they too take some time with their injuries. Let them know of situation with Squad Leader Zacharias and remind them of the Chain of Command.” 

__

The Captain looked up at that, eyes narrowing. 

__

“Are you not planning on coming back Commander?” He asked, voice tight.

__

The Commander turned to face the Captain, gaze unwavering, and with conviction replied. 

__

“I plan on doing what is necessary as Commander in order to retrieve Humanities Hope and best chance at defeating the titans, Levi.” 

__

The Commander turned to leave with Jean finally finishing getting his gear back on and chasing behind to catch up. On the way up he saw the Captain still waiting in the same spot looking steadily at the ascending lifts. He was clutching at the jacket around him, one that Jean had noticed was too big, looking, if Jean had to say, almost upset with worry. The Commander broke his thoughts as he began to ask questions about Reiner Braun, Berthold Hoover, and Ymir. He rode with the commander, at his side.

__

It was only when the Commander collapsed once they had reached the wall, once everyone had been safely over the wall and he lay bleeding from a severed arm that he remembered the Commanders parting word to the Captain. “Levi” he had called him by name reminding him of the Chain of Command. At the time he was sure that Erwin Smith, the 13th Commander of the Scouts would inevitably perish before they got back to Karanese district. Jean had not wanted to think of the Captain's’ reaction to the Commanders death. 

__

Jean had not wanted to think of anything as they heard the people react to all the soldiers return and not return. The Commander was brought last as his request and when Jean spotted the Captain and Squad Leader Hange he turned around and avoided their reactions to the Commander still bleeding and deathly pale, as they carried him on the stretcher to the Medic Bay.

. 

. 

“Jean what did you mean with the Captain?” 

__

“Nothing just remembering something from a long time ago. When the Commander lost his arm no he probably cut it off himself. It was way to clean a cut but...They argued before we left to meet up with the Garrison and remaining Scouts.” 

__

“Really, what about?” Armin asked looking curious. Arguments amongst the higher ups had been strictly behind doors and never in the presence of other soldiers. He had never heard of anything like that nor imagined anything like that happening with Commander Smith and Captain Levi. 

__

“The Captain wanted to come with us when we went after Reiner and Berthold but he was injured (Mikasa seemed to shrink remembering why) and of course the Commander told him no. As a matter of fact he ordered Thomas to watch over him and made me switch gears with him. I’ve never seen him so angry at the Commander but he didn't bat an eyelash at the hostile Captain. He just reminded  him that he could and would write him for insubordination and of the Chain of Command regarding Commander Hange. I never realized how prepared the Commander was to doing whatever was necessary in order to retrieve Eren. Nor his resolve in order to defeat the titans and bring us closer to freedom."

__

They became quiet again remembering the week during the Commander Erwins’ recovery. The Captain had been stoic but short tempered. Quick to snap at any deemed offense or inadequate order carried out by the 104 or Military or Garrison soldiers. 

__

Mikasa and Armin were quiet remembering the Captain broken hands shaking as they loaded the body onto the wagon. 

__

“I don’t think he believes that that was the Commander either. He brought him back didn’t he and _he_ was the whole reason the Survey Corps has someone as amazing as him. He left as soon as they dismissed us. Didn’t even talk to the Commander.” 

__

Connie looked thoughtful scratching at the bandages. 

__

“Yeah I guess I wouldn’t eith---.”

__

The alarm bells went off, sound nearly drowned out as the thunder boomed, the sudden calm atmosphere vanished as they stiffened. 

__

“Shit, what now?” Jean muttered, getting up and heading to the door. “Stay here guys I’ll go see what's up. 

__

Outside in the hallway he found several nurses and medics running around as they treated the wounded. As he headed down the hallway a member of his squad was turning the corner nearly knocking into him.

__

“Squad leader! Have you seen Captain Levi? Commander Hange asked for him to be brought to the officers quarters. We haven’t been able to find him he wasn't in his quarters. “ Amos paled. “ When Holix entered the room the window was smashed open and the Captain was gone. They are looking for him now---” 

__

“Amos, Squad Leader Kirstein,” a female soldier came running toward them. “The captain he came back. The lookouts saw him come in from the woods. Commander Hange wants you to come along as well Squad Leader.” 

__

Jean frowned too many things happening at once for him to focus on. He followed Amos and Sura. 

__

“Jean what’s going on?” Armin called from behind. 

__

“Nothing just the Captain was missing they found him though and we are heading to meet with Commander Hange. Go back and finish with the reports make sure Connie and Mikasa rest, both of them need it. I’ll be back later.” 

__

The three left, Jean attempted to get any information from Amos and Sura but they knew nothing. As they reached the North tower he saw several guard standing outside the entrance as well as Rico, who looked impatient and short of rushing the door. They seemed just as confused as anyone and Jean frowned. Just what the hell had happened with the Commander and where had the Captain taken off to in his condition? 

__

“Kirstein, what the heck is going on Hange won't allow anyone in until Captain Levi is back and the whole place is in a mad panic with the emergency signals activated and nothing to explain why.” 

__

“ Captain Levi was missing and they thought something had happened because he took off with his injuries. The window in his quarters was smashed.” Jean explained sounding more confident than he felt. 

__

“Don't bullshit me Kirstein! You know nothing same as the rest of us. This is no time for your Commander to be losing it!” 

__

Jean narrowed his eyes at Rico criticizing Commander Hange. He was about to defend them when the Captain burst through the doors, limping slightly and completely soaked, gear strapped on. He narrowed his eyes looking extremely put out at the gaping soldiers and the scowling Rico. 

__

“What the fuck is going on that the emergency lights and signals have gone off?! Have you all lost your shits for brain mind?” 

__

Rico stood her ground, accustomed to the Captains acerbic words. 

__

“Oh I think we were all just waiting for your presence  Ackerman. Perhaps you can talk some sense into your Commander. They certainly won’t let anyone have a chance. 

__

Before Levi could reply the doors to the North Tower opened and a frazzled guard appeared looking straight at Captain Levi. He paled and took a visible gulp of air. 

__

“Captain Levi, the Commander wants you and only Squad Leader Kirstein and Squad Leader Brzenska to follow me.” He turned around not waiting for them as Levi, Rico and Jean followed behind. 

__

Jean was sure that they would head to the examination and autopsy rooms but they passed the doors that lead down to them and instead headed towards the cells where they had once kept Annie Leonhart. The whole hallway was filled with guards stationed at every door. Jean tensed and he expected for Zeke Jeager to burst out into his Beast titan form. He saw the Captain and Squad Leader reach for their twin blade handles prepared for the worst. 

__

The rooms that had once house Annie in her crystallized was deep under the North tower. It was large, with spikes lining the walls should any titan shifter try to change. Jean was already breaking into a cold sweat at the very thought of the Beast titan still being alive after everything that Captain Levi had done to his body. _He had tried to incinerated his remains._

__

The guards at the front were all recruits that were barely qualified to be at the post. He wondered why the Commander had picked them to guard this place. They would have no idea what to do, they should have assigned veteran soldiers with experience. Not some no names that had barely seen any action. They looked nervous as their superiors approached them, suddenly standing up straighter. 

__

One of them knocked on the door and then a soldier who Jean recognized as one with and incredibly long Garrison record opened the door. He had retired from Active duty 2 years ago and had taken a position as a guard. They looked calmer, at least, as they let the three inside. He saluted and again led them to the center of the circular room. There more guards, veterans and to their surprise a couple nurses were amongst them. 

__

Commander Hange emerged from the crowd as they heard their footsteps. They were still exhausted and their hair was in a disarray. Her eyes were red as if they'd been crying. Her hands were erratic as if approaching a wild animal. Jean realized that they were so because the Captain had stopped. The crowds had dispersed and in a bed hooked up to an IV line, under the bright light of crystal was Commander Erwin Smith. 

__

“Levi,” they said reaching for the Captains hands. “Its him. Its really him. Erwin, he is alive. I made sure of it. It _is_ him Levi! He came back! He came back!” 

Hange embraced the frozen Captain. They were crying as they did so. Whispering things that Jean couldn't hear. He couldn’t tell which one of them was shaking as he looked away, to the body resting on the bed. Rico was frozen at his side as well and the both of turned to look at Hange and Levi. They saw Levi looking intently at the bed. His eyes were wide and so unbelievingly pained that they must have imagined the moisture in them as he closed them, arms frozen at his sides. 

. 

. 

They waited until they left the house before entering. A lithe, smaller figure followed by 2 others behind. 

"We have to hurry!" the smaller figure yelled frantic as they removed the emerald hood. "Its really him. Oh God. Please, please hold on a little longer. Please work!" 

With their syringe in hand they injected the contents into the left antecubital area. Then, they placed their hands on the injured side and watched as it became encased in blue crystal. They stopped as the figure was completely encased. They motioned for the two much taller figures to take hold of the now completely crystalized body and they hold the door open as the they exited the door. Outside Nellie was waiting crouched down as the figures carefully climbed on top. 

Nellie reached with her great large hand and held onto one of the figures while the other secured the crystallized body onto Nellies back. The figure walked gazed as Nellie as they bopped them on the head affectionately. 

'Goodbye, Ponce.' 

Ponce smiled, sharp teeth gleaming as they watched Nellie run off into the setting sun. They headed towards the house once more. The smaller figure was waiting arranging the bed once more. They stepped forward as he entered and reached for their face as Ponce leaned forward. 

'Thank you for doing this Danillo. I'm promise I will end this nightmare.'

They kissed Danillos forehead as he laid on the bed. It creaked under his current weight. The silver blade gleamed as they cut their right arm off, the house quickly filling with steam. The needle filled with crimson did not sting. There was flash, the steam stopped and the figure gazed at the remains of Danillo. They arranged the limbs and placed the hood over his left turned face. They waited and kissed their bone white forehead as they cried silently.

The figure, in their haste, dropped and emerald clip on the corner of the blue doorway. They got out a safe distance from the house and then the air electrified and in the same direction that Nellie took off a smaller titan with blonde curls followed.

. 

. 

. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and point out any mistakes or confusion if possible. This one was complicate there was just a lot of dialogue and it might have come off a bit ooc. Let me know what you thought.


	5. Glory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! >.< 37 Pages! Enjoy!

. 

. 

. 

The first time Levi had seen Erwin laying on a medical bed he was not supposed to.

It had already been three months since he had gone on his first expedition outside the walls. The daily routine and constant training kept him distracted from thinking too much about Farlan and Isabel. He trained hard and he cleaned obsessively. More often than not, he could be found in his usual cleaning get up, one bandana over his head and another covering his mouth. He had expected some sort of ridicule at his appearance but, on the contrary, none of the scouts gave him flack.

The Scouting Legion, as Isabel had observed, was full of weirdos. They all had their habits and quirks, rituals, if you could call them that, when dealing with the aftermath of expeditions and their losses. It was something that Levi had unwillingly learned to respect in them. For the most part they left him alone. Sometimes, some of the soldiers would try to initiate a conversation with him. They quickly learned that he did not appreciate their efforts.

Some offered their condolences by saying “Magnolia was good with the horses” or “Farlan was real good at explaining the strategy formations.” It felt weird having these complete strangers come up to him and say something about his friends. They had left a lasting impression on the few people that they had interacted with and Levi was _angry._ They were _his_ friends and he didn’t want anyone talking or knowing about them. Mostly, he was unsure about how to respond to their sincerity. He hadn’t made any acquaintances. He had refused to. 

They never said anything regarding their Underground status afterwards. It seemed that once they had gone out and fought the titans and died, they had proven something to them. Once they put those wings on their backs, they were considered part of their oddball family. One full of weirdos with a death wish, that were addicted to the slaughter, to that sense of _true freedom._ However long it lasted. 

As for Smith, they hardly crossed paths (he seemed busier than before) and Levi was relieved. He didn’t understand _why_ he had chosen to stay. That first night back from the expedition he had showered and scrubbed long and hard till his body had bled and still he felt filthy. Covered in mud and their blood and his guilt. 

He packed everything that belonged to Farlan and had snuck into the women barracks to do the same with Isabel’s things. He had planned on leaving and returning to the Underground. He had gotten up, the moment was perfect and yet…he could not do it. He called himself a “coward” and an “opportunist” because he could not return to the darkness. He had felt and tasted the light, had breathed true freedom and he wanted _more_. That feeling that he had felt, he knew, he would never feel again if, he returned to that world of darkness. 

It was just as Smith had told him.

He hadn’t known anything at all, when it came to the world or what “freedom” actually meant. He got angry remembering blondies foolish words. Erwin Smith had successfully enticed him by offering something that Levi had never wanted, had never dreamed of wanting because he had not known it existed.

Levi stayed, seduced by Erwin Smith’s silver tongue and his vision of something, that his angry eyes could not see. 

The few times that they crossed paths Levi kept himself looking straight ahead. Smith nodding in acknowledgement, making no mention of his bandaged right hand or scarred neck. Sometimes he still felt that need to throw himself at him. To take his knife and plunge it straight into his heart and feel the warm blood soak his hands. To rip his perfectly, combed, blonde head from his body, and _breathe_ and bask in his quenched blood thirst. The headaches he had begun to get since that day, were worse. The insomnia, the same. 

Levi lived like a ghost, withdrawn and absent those first 3 months. 

It was humid night, and Levi often took to wondering outside his assigned barracks when he could no longer stand the humidity. The Underground was always cool or cold and if anything, it was that, that Levi missed during the peak summer months above ground. 

He was heading to the communal sinks to fetch some water when he heard a carriage come to a stop. There were voices and from the sinks he saw a figure running to meet whoever was in the carriage. The voices were conversing in low whispers, sounding frantic. He could not make out what they were saying from that distance. Then, the figures drew close, dragging a third figure between them. They were trying to move fast, to the end of the hallway. Where the officers chambers were located.

The clouds, that were blocking the moon dispersed as they reached the corner and Levi saw their backs clearly. Two, were not in the usual Military issued uniform. Instead, they were wearing dress jackets, similar to ones he had seen on unsavory Sina citizens Underground. His heart quickened when he remembered who had left late yesterday night, wearing those very jackets. 

From the dinner table the women had been talking loudly amongst themselves. They were gushing at the handsome Squad Leader Smith and his second, Zacharias. Levi and a few of the men were scowling, clearly not in the mood to be hearing about the two blondes. Levi left as soon he was done eating. On the way back to the barracks, he saw the two blondes discussing something with the Commander. He turned to go the long way around and by the time he turned back (after reprimanding himself for running away) the carriage was departing. 

He didn’t know what compelled him to follow them down to the room he knew was unoccupied. When he got close enough, the door burst open and one of Smiths squad members came out. He looked at him with surprise then, seemed to make up his mind on something, before he shoved a bucket at him, barking for him to bring back water. Levi stood there, (uncomprehending) watching him running to go, who knows where? He was debating whether to simply not fetch water when he realized that they had given him a perfect excuse to see what had happened. 

Levi returned with the bucket of water. The door was closed and there were more voices inside. He reached for the doorknob when the door flew open again and Berner who, he remembered was in Hange’s Squad, came out looking pale and in a rush. His eyes flew to Levi (and the bucket) and then Zacharias came out. 

He seemed surprised to find Levi there and then frowned looking at the bucket in his hold. He was about to say something, eyes narrowing, when Hange yelled for him from inside. Zacharias turned around and Berner ran past Levi. 

"Shit!" he heard Zacharias mutter. "Get in here with that water!" 

He finally entered the room and he froze at the sight of a pale and sweaty blonde on the bed. His face was twisted in a grimace and he was shaking his head. Hange was trying to get his dress jacket off of him and struggling. 

"Just cut if off! Don’t bother being gentle." Zacharias barked trying to hold Smith in place. He turned to Levi and motioned for the water. Levi didn’t notice. His eyes were drawn to the scarlet stained shirt. Hange cursed and pressed a towel to his bleeding side. Smith groaned out loud. 

"Levi, the water!" They screamed getting his attention. He moved forward, not understanding why anything was happening. Hadn’t Smith gone to a noble’s party? Why was he lying and bleeding on the bed? From a stab wound? 

"Why---What the fuck happened?!" 

"Not now!" Zacharias hissed, pressing a second towel to Smith’s forehead. 

The door flew open again and Berner came back carrying a case. He opened it and began arranging vials of liquid and dry herbs. He took out some bandages, a suturing needle, and thread. 

"Mike I need to know what kind of poison it was? (He shook his head frantically) Shit! Okay, okay." Hange looked at Smith and bit their teeth before pressing on their open wound. Smith jerked up yelling in pain. 

"Erwin, listen! I need you to tell me the symptoms. Tell me what you’re feeling?" 

Erwin was whispering into Hanges ear. They looked to Moblit, describing the symptoms who looked back worried. They didn’t know it! Levi could tell. He stepped forward and took vials and herbs from the case. 

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Zacharias yelled, panicking. 

"Its Dolly! The poison is Dolly. It’s made from those white berries, the ones that---" 

"White baneberry!" Berner exclaimed, helping Levi sort through the herbs. Together they ground up herbs and mixed them with the liquid in the vials. They steeped them and mixed them in water and handed that to Mike who sniffed them, looking suspiciously at the contents. It was only when Berner said that they were safe that he wrapped his arm around Smith and tipped the antidote slowly into his mouth. 

Levi was frozen as he watched the liquid disappear. Hange was already finishing stitching the wound on his side and was carefully cleaning around it before bandaging it tightly. Levi waited, furious and confused, as Smith settled down having consumed all the antidote. 

"What the hell happened?!" He ground out, his fists shaking. 

"Those bastards poisoned him that’s what happened. It’s all my fault. I should have stopped him." Mike bit out, sliding down to the floor, all his energy spent. He looked to Levis still confused face. 

"What?! Did you think you were the only one aiming to kill Erwin Smith?!” 

Zacharias admittance left his mind blank and he felt his eye twitch; angry at the obvious provocative statement. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t lying. Hange and Berner, looked at Levi, with wide disbelieving eyes. _So they hadn’t known,_ he though. He refused to show any guilt at that. Instead he looked to Smith who was staring right back at him. His blue eyes just as intense, despite his brush with death. His heart pounded in his ears and he felt heat creep up the back of his neck. He ignored it and looked back at Smith, furiously. This time, it was he that looked away and Levi felt some (relieved) satisfaction until he croaked. 

"Mike, get him out of here. He can’t be here." 

Levi glared at Mike as he got up, intending on doing just as Erwin ordered. _Like his fucking mutt._ Levi scoffed and turned around. _Fuck them all! Especially that blondie. I hope you choke on your damn vomit!_ As he made his way out the room, (intending on slamming the door) Smith called out to him.

“Levi, don’t say anything and tomorrow...we’ll talk.” 

Levi froze. He looked back and nodded. He closed the door after him; softly, firmly. 

When he got back to his quarters he threw himself onto the worn mattress. He was furious. He didn’t know at what exactly? Maybe that mutt or the weirdo or that meek mouse of a man? Maybe he was angry at Erwin Smith? The stupid, fucking, bastard got himself stabbed and poisoned and Levi was _furious_ because...How fucking dare he? Levi had _spared_ his life and here he was, easily getting almost killed by some assassin who, probably, had nothing on Levi. It was a shitting disgrace to Levi that some two-bit had done that to Smith. _His_ target.

His head was pounding again and he was wound up way too much to sleep. He stayed awake till reveille sounded, thinking of Erwin Smith and god was that unpleasant. Just who the fuck was he and why the hell were so many people after his blondie head?! 

The next day Levi was led to the same room. Blondie was looking better (fuck him he looked like crap!). Hange was examining his wound and he was looking perfectly okay with that foul, smelling, four eyes so close to him. Levi furrowed his brow, waiting for Smith to put a fucking shirt on. Smith greeted Levi with a “Good morning” and motioned for him to take a seat on the chair next to the desk, in the corner. Levi preferred to stand and Erwin shrugged as if to say “Suit yourself.”

“I’m sure you’ve come up with various explanations as to what you witnessed yesterday night. I won’t deny or confirm any of them. You are free to think whatever you please. I only ask that you keep any or all of them to yourself.” 

“I thought you were going to tell me everything.” Levi groused, raring to go. 

“I apologize if you thought otherwise but I was ill, you see---” 

“Bullshit! I expected nothing less from a two-faced liar!” Erwin frowned at him. 

“What? Don’t like to be told what you really are? A filthy, lying, _cheating_ , bastard (Erwin’s eyebrows rose up) who is probably just as crooked and twisted as those “Noble” Sina rats. Of course I fell for your stupid silver tongue, naïve, idealistic, foolish, dream!” Levi was on a roll, completely ignoring the two others gawking at him. 

“Guess what? You don’t have to worry your pretty, little, blonde head about a street rat like me! I won’t say anything. It’s not like they would believe me anyway. So fuck you very much! I hope you get constipated (all three pairs of eyes widened at that). I’m---” 

“Under a probation period.” Smith calmly stated, ignoring Zacharias snorts and Hanges full on cackles. 

“What!” Levi squawked. 

“You are under a probation period until the end of the year. I can’t have you get involved in my _business_ when you are being scrutinized by the Military Police.” Hange was full on laughing at Levis dumbfounded face. 

“Shut the fuck up Four-eyes! And just who the shitting shit is “scrutinizing” me! I’ll---” 

“Be the perfect Scouting soldier that you’ve been thus far.” Levi was close to losing it, being cut off by Smith one time too many. “ I need you to understand Levi,” And here he leaned forward serious, no trace of pain on his face. “That I recruited, you and your friends, to the Scouting Legion to begin with, not just because of your connection to Lobov but, because all three of you were extremely talented. The fact that you were self-taught was rare in itself and to do so and achieve that level of comfort when performing such skilled feats is not something that comes easily. Even to the most veteran of soldiers.” 

“The Unicorns are---” 

“I think we both can agree that the Military Police are not the Scouts, don’t you?" 

“Why the fuck are they spying on me and what the hell does a probation period even mean?!” Levi demanded, intent on ignoring the gasps coming from Hange, who, was on the floor, trying to catch their breath. 

“You joined the Scouts under my full recommendation and if, at any point, you became a liability, instead of an asset, then you would be brought back before a tribunal, and most likely, the Military Police would have taken custody of you. It will come as no surprise to you, that I am prepared whatever necessary, when it comes to achieving the objectives I have for the Scouting missions and their success. I don’t plan on given them any leverage when it comes to you, Levi. After all, it was I and my men that captured you and your friends. I have no intention of having them take credit for capturing the famed "Underground Rogue," and especially, to have them take away such a promising talent from the Survey Corp. I hope this clears some things up for you. If you still plan on staying, I expect you to uphold the values and duties that the Scouts are known for." 

He stopped waiting for a response. Levi was speechless, trying to make sense of Erwin Smith and the bizarre way that his mind worked. Truly, it was a task that he had not been prepared for. 

“So you just want to use me then?” Levi snarled, angry and ready to throw a fist at the overconfident asshole, regardless of his injuries. 

“I won’t deny that,” He tilted his head to Mike. “Till you came along, Mike was our top titan killer. Frankly, and no offense to your skills Mike, I think you’d be able to surpass his kill count in no time. In fact, I’m _betting_ on it. With you two at the front and Hanges innovations and titan studies (they grinned maniacally at the praise) I plan on revamping the Scouts and the way the Legion has been run.” he confessed, blue eyes burning. 

“So you’re aiming for top dog then? And you both are fine with him using you like that?” He looked at Mike and Hange, who simply smiled and shrugged. 

“ _If_ , that happens then yes I’ll be “top dog” as you say. I don’t expect that (both Mike and Hange guffawed and rolled their eyes). However, I’m willing to do whatever is required and necessary of me, to help the Scouts and humanity as I told you that day. Now will you keep whatever you saw last night to yourself?” 

“So I can think whatever I want? (Yes) If I thought you were a whore, who slept around with all of the Sina Nobles’ old cows, and had sired a whole bunch of bushy-browed brats, with creepy eyes you wouldn’t deny it?” Levi asked, trying to get a rise out of the blonde.

“I wouldn’t confirm it either.” He calmly replied. Not the least bit fazed at Levi calling him a whore to his face. They looked at each other trying to assess what they really were thinking and when Levi could read nothing from Erwin’s face, he let out a “Tch.” 

“Fine. You’ve got some fucking shit on your neck.” He pointed to Erwin's collar trying to get the last word in however childish. 

Erwin frowned, looking down at his collarbone, as Hange reached with their hand, laughing.

“Don’t you worry your pretty, little head boss. They’re just freckles, Levi.” Hange grinned, winking at him. “Well, that’s what we’re saying. Really though, it’s a hickey left behind from one of Erwin's many customers.” 

Smith coloured looking aghast at Hange. 

“Hange!” 

_So he could be ruffled_ Levi thought. 

“What? You’re not denying it, remember? And Levi.” They came towards him looking positively tickled. “I’ve never heard you speak so much before. You’re hilarious! God you should have seen you face.” she turned to look back at Smith. “ Ah, thats right they weren’t lying about the constipation, Erwin.” 

“Can I fucking leave now?!” Levi demanded, refusing to stay and listen to them anymore than necessary. That and Hange stank. How the heck did Smith stand them being so close to him? 

“I…yes of course you may leave.” Smith smiled at him, completely at ease, that damn smug bastard. “Thank you for your understanding and I expect to hear plenty of great things about your skills, Levi." 

Levi looked back at him and snorted then looked to Hange and Mike. 

“Has he always been so fucking dumb? Getting stabbed and poisoned?” He questioned mockingly. “Here I thought you were some great, giant brain the way the others talk about you.” 

Mike and Hange looked at Erwin actually seeming to agree with Levi. He on the other hand smiled knowingly. 

“Sorry to disappoint you, I’ll just let you know that everything went as planned yesterday night. There should be an announcement about an upcoming expedition soon. Will you be prepared Levi?” 

Without missing a beat, Levi simply raised an eyebrow and watched (amazed) as Erwin let out a low chuckle as if to say “Of course.” 

Levi left, ignoring the stares of the other two and the stir in his stomach as he remembered Smiths laughter and amused blue eyes. He thought that (again) he had underestimated him. It was easy to do considering he knew nothing about him. He never had, not really. 

Throughout the rest of the day he thought of Smith and his scheming. He wondered just how far that man would be willing to go to achieve what he envisioned for the Scouting Legion? When he showed up for hand to hand combat training and paired himself up with Levi, he realized that it was _anything, everything._

Levi was suspicious of his (unexpected) appearance and despite that he held back. Smith may have not been showing any outward signs of his injury but Levi _knew_ and he held back. Or, he did, until Smith clocked him on the side of his head and knocked him to the floor. When Levi looked back up, the fucker was staring right back with a raised eyebrow, mocking him. Levi felt that same rush of red and bloodlust and went after him. Smith ended on his back to the ground with Levi pressed to him. He looked stunned and then he opened his mouth, wonder in his voice. Fucking teasing Levi. 

“I didn’t think you’d care?” 

“Shut up! I don’t!” Levi hissed back, heat on his ears as he pressed his forearm to his windpipe. 

“I’m glad.” Smith smiled, wincing. Levi got up and purposely brushed his injured side, confused at his words. 

He offered a hand to Smith (who accepted) and hauled him to his feet. He seemed surprised at Levi’s ability to bear his weight and when he commented on it Levi assured him. 

“Don’t underestimate me you fat motherfucker!” 

Erwin frowned at the insult, not noticing that Levi was staring at his side. 

“You’re a stubborn bastard,” and he pushed on his injured side. “You’re bleeding. At least try not to raise suspicion to yourself. They might not even need to go to any trouble by sending people after you, if you do just as fine a job killing yourself. Better even.”

“You were too rough with me.” Erwin pointed out, hiding the stains with his hands. He looked up, just in time, to catch the handkerchief tossed his way. 

“Don’t blame me for your shit decisions.” Levi turned around and when Erwin didn’t follow he called. “Well aren’t you going to take care of that?” 

“We are still training...?” Erwin answered holding the handkerchief to his side.

“You’re going to bleed out more if you don’t follow me and get that re-bandaged.” 

Erwin followed Levi and allowed him to help (“I’ll do it! That four eyes probably fucked it up”). It surprised Erwin that Levi would willingly help him considering the circumstances that surrounded their encounter and its outcome (there was Lobov and then his friend’s deaths). Then, there was his averseness to touch or being touched and his obsession with cleaning. He thought that perhaps blood might be considered filthy but Levi was meticulous and clearly accustomed to doing this. Erwin didn’t comment on it. 

He was very still as Levi wrapped the bandages around his waist and over his shoulder and when Levi let out a breath, warm and near the junction of his throat, he bit his lip to hold back his gasp, his shiver. Levi took it as a show of pain and called him a “big _fat_ baby.” He brushed his knuckles against the freckles of his collarbone and Erwin thought that he was (sneakily) trying to check to see whether it had really been a hickey as Hange had teased or not. It amused him. 

“They’re just freckles.” 

It startled Levi and he fumbled with the bandages and then recovered looking irritated as he finished, tightening the bandages more than necessary. Erwin winced for real this time and he thought that perhaps he'd seen Levi’s lip curl in smug satisfaction. 

"I didn't say anything." 

"Then perhaps you were checking on my neck. It’s healed," he informed Levi, referring to the scar made with his sword on that rainy day. "You cant even see it." 

Levi paused his movements, almost ashamed (he shouldn't) as he remembered. He wondered why it seemed, that it was, before Smith that he often felt the most unsure? 

He finished putting the bandages away as Smith buttoned up his shirt. There was a sudden tension now. Erwin chidded himself on his unusual lack of tact. He shouldn't have brought Isabel and Farlan up. He wondered if their deaths would settle between them like a barrier? If they would haunt them? 

Perhaps it was better if he kept his distance from Levi and let him settle amongst the other Scouts. There shouldn't be anything more that required them to meet. _He knew now though._ Levi, wasn't someone that he could easily fool. Not when he had done it once already. Levi was weary of his actions and suspicious of him (anyone really) due to the nature of his upbringing and the environment in the Underground. 

"Levi..." He turned towards Smith. "Once the year is up and your probation period ends. I could have you transferred to the Garrison. I realized that my intention to have you join the Legion was not..in the best of circumstances. I should have asked you once...once a suitable period of time had passed." he ended awkwardly, words failing him. 

"Are you giving me a choice or ordering me?" Levi questioned brusquely. The anger clear and sound.

"I will _always_ give you a choice." 

They both seemed startled by his quick and honest reply. The honesty behind it sounded like a promise or a vow. A proclamation. It should not have sounded as such. Promises, by their nature were often broken. And in the Survey Corp, they were more often than not, lies (death sentences) that fell apart on the jaws of titans. 

"You don't even know if I will survive long enough until the probation period to ends." 

"Yes, I’m sorry that was...hasty of me. As you said, it's the same for me. I too may perish on the jaws of titans (or by poison). But...I suspect you may outlive us all." And here smiled. As if the very thought of Levi doing so made him happy. 

Levi frowned thinking that the way he smiled was creepy...It was too open and sincere. It made him seem like a young boy. A child, in its unabashed innocence. Levi had never thought of someone (especially someone a few years older than him) capable of being able to appear boyish, the way Erwin had. 

How very strange this man was. 

"Aren't you supposed to be tons better that I am? Does the military waste the hard earned tax money? As the civilians and nobles say?'' 

"I can't speak for all the military branches but, at least, we Scouts, cannot afford to waste any of that hard earned tax money.” And here he was back to looking the serious and uptight, righteous, bastard that Levi had first made him out to be. 

They didn't discuss Erwin's offer and Levi really did not want to think about it. They left and went their separate paths and if Levi turned back to cast a look as Smith walked away; posture perfect and shoulders straight, _it meant nothing._

And if Levi, as he made his way to his quarters, stopped outside Smiths to leave fresh bandages, _it meant nothing._ If he continued his same routine and schedule of “perfect Scout soldier” it had nothing to do with what Erwin had said. 

If the next time he saw Erwin, covered in bruises and walking with a limp (he'd seen mike sporting a cut lip) he continued these “nothings” that meant nothing, _it meant nothing, nothing at all._

_"It means nothing."_

. 

. 

“Hange, is he a Titan shifter?”

Rico asked looking back as Hange tried to read Levi. Levi who was so…tense and with his eyes unseeing as they looked straight ahead, at Erwin. Hange felt it though, his sharp intake of breath in response to Rico’s question. Hange didn’t turn around instead they raised their hands to Levis shoulders. 

He was shaking. 

“I don’t know. Not for sure.” They answered squeezing Levis shoulders before turning around and facing Rico and Jean. They were both still in denial. 

“It is him…it’s Erwin.” Hange approached the bed, looking down at him sleeping. The medics and nurses had left and only the guards remained. “I performed the autopsy on him and I confirmed that it was him. As for his arm being present, I can’t say when that happened. Only that the injuries he had, healed themselves, just as the ones titan and titan shifters do. None of his previous scars were present. None of them.” 

“Then how can you be positive that _it’s_ him, Commander?” Jean spoke from the foot of the bed staring intently at 13th commander. 

“I knew Erwin longer than most, back then the newer Scout recruits helped out the Academy cadets a lot more with basic first aid because medics were scarce. I patched him up more than anyone else and I learned and know his birthmarks. They were what effectively confirmed that it _is_ Erwin. All of them are there. I had other medics confirmed this as well. You can take a look at their reports if you’d like but it won’t change the fact that it’s him and that somehow, someway he is here.” 

“I can’t say any more. Other than, he woke up briefly once the worst of his injuries healed but…” Hange took a deep breath as she held onto Erwin’s hand and squeezed. “He awoke screaming and…” she paused, “…and he attempted to hurt himself. We stopped him of course and sedated him.” 

“That is another thing. If he were, indeed, a titan shifter his body would have transformed by now, physically. Just as Armin’s did. It hasn’t though. I can’t be sure as to the reason why. So I can’t confirm him being a possible titan. The possibility is out there which is why I had him brought here.” 

“At the briefing you said that a titan brought a body to Zeke and this is it, isn’t it, Levi?” Rico asked turning to him. 

Levi nodded. He had yet to move. 

”His head and face was covered so, as Armin and Mikasa told us, they weren’t able to properly gauge their appearance. That woman, Pieck said something about a female and instead it’s Erwin. Do I even have to point out that someone is lying?” Rico looked back to Hange before turning to Jean. 

“I talked to Connie as soon as he woke up at the Medic tent. He confirmed everything that Reiner and Pieck told us at the briefing. I...as much as I want to not believe them, I think that what they were saying is true. Like us, though, they only know part of the picture. We, as usual, don’t know everything but,” he looked to Erwin Smith, “he might be able to fill in those gaps.” 

“That’s what I’m hoping for as well.” Hange agreed. 

“Hange when he woke up, you said that he woke up screaming.” Rico looked straight at their remaining eye. “Did he say anything else, or something…coherent?” 

“Nothing that made sense to me. He was saying that he could hear someone screaming.” They looked pained as they explained. “There was no one yelling. It was just me and the guards who I had asked to wait outside as I performed the autopsy. He attempted to hurt himself,” Shaken Hange continued. “I have never heard or witness Erwin show such an outburst. The few bruises and injuries that I saw, I believe, were self-inflicted and others were consistent with those of torture.” They trailed off remembering Sannes. 

There was a silence. 

“He was most likely kept prisoner then.” Jean spoke, looking ill. 

“For nearly 5 years?!” Rico exclaimed, incredulous, uncrossing her arms. 

The possibility was out in the open. Not any of them wanting to believe that Erwin had endured so long in the hands of Marley, in the hands of Zeke Jaeger. 

“His arm grew back and he’s been kept prisoner for, as far as well know, 5 years.” Jean trailed off. “His physical appearance hasn’t changed as expected of a titan shifter.” He looked up to Hange. “When we infiltrated Marley, to retrieve Eren, we heard plenty of rumors from citizens, talking about the possibility of a new titan. Zeke himself told us that,” he looked back to the Captain, “The Ackerman’s were said to be the byproduct of titan experiments. It’s possible---”

“Possible that they have been trying to recreate those same experiments.” Hange finishes, eye wide at the possibility. 

“Either way we have to wait until he wakes up.” Rico crossed her arms tiredly. “There is also the possibility that he might be compromised. Being kept so long in the hands of the enemy he might be brainwashed. They could have as easily sent him as an agent. They could have broken him and he might not be all there…” 

She was right. Erwin could wake up and he could transform and wreak havoc and destruction for the Paradis people. There was no way to know. 

“When will the anesthetic wear off?” 

“It should be in a few hours. It was a strong sedative but, if what Jean was saying is true, then I have no way of knowing for sure. I have no idea about how, whatever he has been given or turned into, it will interact with the sedative. I have already let the guards know to notify me if and when he wakes up. I have also issued a gag order in effect. Until he wakes up, its best if we keep this quiet.” 

Rico and Jean nodded in agreement and then he left letting Hange know that they should rest as well. He passed the silent Captain on the way, still dripping rain water on the stone. He had not shown any other reactions, or made any comment. For he kept staring at the bed where the former Commander lay. 

Just as he closed the door behind him, continuing on his way back to the medic bay, Jean heard the door open and then slam harshly. He looked back and the Captain walked out, face absolutely blank, eyes unseeing as he overtook Jean with his brisk pace. Jean entertained the idea that it had looked as if he was running from the room. He didn’t pick up his own pace and instead watched as the Captain disappeared down the hall, into the darkness. 

In all his years as a Scout he had never once viewed the Captain as “small.” It was only then, as he watched those narrow shoulders shutter under a truth that was better off being a lie, that Jean viewed, the one called Humanities Strongest, show the weight of the burdens that were all the choices he had made. Humanity often forgot that their heroes were only human.

Humans that regretted and felt weak and felt loss and guilt the same as anyone else. 

Jean continues down the hallway and thought that tonight was fine for a visit. It was late but he needed the distraction and he didn’t think he could go back and not explain what he knew. He grabbed his cloak from a spare uniform closet and took off. It was still raining and as he stood under the dark sky he understood the reason why the Captain had taken off earlier. 

When Jean arrived at the door, he knocked loudly. Uncaring of the sleeping neighbors. The door opened and he walked in, encircling her waist and drawing her surprised face to meet his in a desperate kiss. She complained that he was wet and cold. He closed the door with his foot and asked if she was alone. When he felt her nod he hitched her by her but and made their way to her bedroom. 

Theirs, was a familiar and routine thing. One that Jean was thankful for as he buried himself in her warmth. She was always _warm_. Nothing at all like his first time. Nothing like the coolness from pale skin and smooth ink black hair or the iciness of calloused hands. 

He held on tight as her voice pitched and kissed her urgently. He wanted to forget everything for just a few moments and as her warm hands pressed him deeply to her, he did. 

. 

. 

He was walking through a darkness, a thick fog that he felt he would never get out from. One where the light had ceased to exist. He was so cold, so damn cold. He was shaking, his teeth were chattering. Why was it so fucking cold? 

He stumbled and fumbled to get the door open and as soon as he entered, he was blinded with a vicious, burning pain. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't get any air. He gasped out loud as he clutched his heaving chest. He _was_ breathing but it was too fast, much to quick. His vision was foggy, everything was. And the darkness would just not leave him alone! 

He needed air. He needed. He needed--- 

“You should be dead!” 

“You...should...fucking be DEAD!” 

There was pain everywhere now. In his lungs, in his head, in his _useless heart._ He tasted salt from his tears. Or was it snot? He laughed brokenly, desperately. It sounded more like a wheeze from a dying animal. A fucking street rat! 

He felt his way to the cabinet. He didn't need to. He knew the way (would know it blind) but he needed the support; his legs and body were useless. He had hidden them there, far enough in back that they wouldn't be found. No one ever came here though...not any longer...not anymore. 

He couldn’t get his fucking hands to work. They were numb with cold, shaking, and broken. The burning in lungs was unbearable and he slid to the ground, limp and useless. His breathing was more wheezing. He hated this. Hated this fucking weakness. This fucking state. Hated himself. Hated _him._

So. Fucking. Much. 

“Levi, you fucking idiot!” 

There were hands helping him from the floor. A wetness on his cheek, as they leaned him against the cabinet; drool and snot and tears. _Disgusting._ He barely made out Hange telling him to breathe deeply, slowly. _Couldn’t they see that he couldn’t?_ He still tried. It was painful. It burned and he wanted the numbness back. That feeling of nothing. He breathed deeply, slowly. 

Hange came to his side. _When had they left?_ There was cup of water. _A cup?!_ He wanted to yell at them. He couldn't hold onto it just as he couldn’t open the damn bottle. He wanted to sleep. He was so, so tired. 

Hange handed him the two tablets. They stuck to his mouth, dry and bitter, and brought the cup of water to his dry lips. He drank greedily. It felt as though he had gone without for a long, long time. He must look a mess. A sight for fucking sore eyes. Hange never minded though. Hange had known. 

He felt their arm around his back and then he was hauled to his feet and maneuvered onto his bed. Hange went back to the cabinet and opened the bottom right drawer. The blanket was there just as always. That at least had never changed. Making sure that Levi was cleaned up (he hated waking up filthy after an episode) and tucked and covered with the blanket, Hange eyed the dark circles beneath his eyes. 

The bottle in their hand was almost empty, the date from not that long ago. They sighed angrily. Levi had confided in them about this. Had said that he wasn't using them anymore. He lied. Just as he had lied about Erwin. Hange was pissed but...mostly they were hurt that he had felt the need to hide it from them. That he had run off into that damn storm when they tried to confront him. That he had completely froze them out just like 5 years ago. 

Levi had gotten better though, the episodes had subsided after Erwin was brought back. Hange didn't know anymore though. Not if he had hidden the sleeping pills. They forgot that Levi was as just as good at hiding the truth as Erwin had been. At putting on a mask. 

“Levi, you fucking idiot.” Hange whispered tiredly, closing the door quietly as they left. 

“You always end up in the same place.” 

. 

. 

‘I can’t reach him.’ 

… 

‘We can’t wait any longer. I’ll keep trying on the way. Is everyone ready?’ 

… 

“We are all set here as well. The others left a while ago. They should be halfway there going underground. It's still raining outside. Nellie,” he signed. “Will you guys be okay?” 

… 

‘Make sure all your teams are assembled and make sure the carts are secured and readied for the journey. We should be there before sunrise. Hopefully sooner, as to avoid the other titans.’ 

“I’ll get my teams assembled then. The others are just trying to get communications open with the others, in Marley.” The man pulled out a cigarette from his black vest. “It's going to be rough out there and it's gonna be shit if we get any sort of surprises out there.” 

A figure from deep in the mountain approached, helmet strapped to her head, and all black uniform. 

“So, it’s still a no go on communications. Those 3 know their shit though and so do the others. It’s only matter of time.” 

“Time is something we don’t have much off, darling.” He blew the smoke into her face. 

“Blow me some freaking hearts, asshole!” 

“I could blow something else if we had the time.” He drawled out, accent heavier than usual. 

“Fuck off, Laras.” 

Laras tiked-toked back at her. 

“You ever think we would make it out here? I sure as heck didn’t.” the woman thought. “All this was a freaking conspiracy. An island filled with titans and walled cities and people living in the dark ages.” 

“Don’t much know about the old world and it’s old time periods.” He inhaled and the smoke escaped through his nose. “Paradise, huh? To me it sounds more like those ancient myths, with Gods and monsters. Those are things I know. All those leftover countries and people were fed different shit by their government, right? That’s what I really learned meeting all of you.” 

The woman was deep in thought. All the people that were gathered at this base came from different parts of the world. Speaking different languages and all with their own ideas about where _titans_ came from. The reality was like something out one of those old movies or some mystical tome. The reality was worse. 

“Yeah, money makes the world go round.” 

“My abuelo used to say that to. Said a whole lot more though. Always going on about the government and its corruption. He was right, a lot of those old time folks were.” He frowned, his cigarette almost done. “Not just money but _fear,_ Lotte. Fear can make a lot of people turn a blind eye to everyday shit.” he stopped to let the smoke out. 

“Can make people blind, can make them silent, and can turn them into mindless puppets. Titans, huh? All of us are the same.” 

“Not for long though. I sure as heck don’t plan on becoming another mindless titan crushed by the corrupt, piece of shit wheel.” Lotte declared. 

Loras smiled. 

“Yeah, that’s the spirit! We just gotta pull the biggest, motherfucking showdown! Make some new friends with those poor bastards. Heck we already made friends with some I would never think off.” He turned toward the cave. There were two lines of crawlers all set to go out into the dark storm. Nellie was leading them. 

“There’s my girl Nellie, go ahead and get on yours, darling.” 

Lotte rolled her eyes, walking to the crawler right behind Nellie, Helmut. As she approached he lowered himself onto his elbows to make it easier for her to reach the cart strapped on his back. She made sure to stand in the front as she signed a greeting back to him. His bulbous eyes an icy blue similar to her own. They were what had made them partners. She contemplated that Loras was right. Helmut and Nellie were the unlikeliest of friends she had ever made. 

As she reached his nape she brushed her hands on his brown hair. She found her barrel and climbed in, Adelmo securing the lid after. From the air holes on the barrel she could see Loras get onto Nellies hand and she placed him on her own cart. There was a whistling sound and then she felt Helmut move. She could hear the reactions from the others in their own a barrels. Then there was only the sound of rain hitting the top of the barrel. The air holes were useless now. Visibility was impossible.

Shed thought about using the infrared but she held off, it would just cause her more panic and fear. She hoped the others would be fine, either way it would be along ride in cramped space. It was for the best. The darkness and the cold rain would protect them from the mindless titans. Even so, Lotte, still felt the same panic she always felt before a fight, before a big mission. She closed her eyes, willing herself calm. 

From the entrance to the cave Adelmo stood as he watched the crawlers descend into the ground below. The last one disappeared into the woods, beyond the cover of the storm. Someone joined him at his side. Aruna. 

“They left then?” He nodded. “They haven’t been able to figure out what’s wrong with the signals. Arjana and Chwalic think that the problem lies on Marley. Whatever is going on there Miloje and Kais better figure out a way to fix it and get their part done. We can’t do anything from here until that’s done.” 

“The waiting game can be the most brutal.” Adelmo murmured. 

“Yes, but in the meantime we have some weapons to prepare. Enzo got the good stuff and Meik is raring to go, as usual. Since nearly all of the others are aboard that ladies cargo ships, we got extra shit.” She turned around, Adelmo following in step besides her. 

. 

. 

When Nile woke up, the first thing he noticed was Marie. His wife was sitting on a chair by his bedside. She was knitting furiously in the way she often did when she was under immense pressure. He grimaced and she dropped her knitting needles on the floor, her attention immediately on her husband. 

“Nile, you stupid man. You’ve scared us all.” She grasped his hand tight. “That poor girl, Hitch, has been running around like crazy trying to do her best for you.” 

Nile smiled back at her. His arm was hurting but it was grounding him,allowing him to focus. The events of the day were slowly coming back to him, sticky like molasses. His face twisted when he remembered. The surprised ambush, the fire brought on by the explosions within the castle, the fighting and then vague memories of yelling, pain, and the smell of blood. 

“Marie, the Queen and Premier are dead, aren’t they? I’m not remembering incorrectly, am I?” He felt her hand tense in his hold. She let out an anguished whimper. 

“Oh Nile, I was so scared when they sent for me at mother's house. No one could tell me anything and I waited so long and,” the tears burst from her eyes and Nile cursed himself because he could see how weary Marie was. “I overheard them. The officers saying that the Queen and Premier were both dead.” 

“She was so young. So very young. Just a child and they killed her and her child.” 

Nile reached to embrace her and she fell into it. His own heart twisted in sympathy for the young Queen. Marie was right. Historia had only been a girl thrust into a role that had been too much for her to handle alone. In the beginning, she had been willing and eager to learn as much as she could, to become a good ruler, a fair one. Time had passed and the more they learned about their tiny world, the more she seemed to dim and then…then it turned into a burden that she had had to endure. 

Sometimes he had wished he had been able to help her but he was unable to do anything to ease her burden. The fault lay with the adults alone. For a long time he hadn’t wanted to say (admit) it but he also blamed Erwin. His friend who had gone off and died and left them all in this mess. 

_“Nile, humanity is now set on a different path. One far more dangerous than before.”_

He had thought his friend a fool to go out and lead the mission into Maria and into Shinganshina. With his missing arm, Nile had viewed it for what it was; a suicide mission that Erwin, had gladly led. His friend was many things but invincible he was not.  <.p>

Erwin Smith didn't come back. 

After so many expeditions, he didn't come back. 

Only two adults and the children that followed came back from the reclamation mission. 

But no one else. 

In the briefing after the remaining had Scouts recuperated, Hange Zoe, the 14th Commander of the Survey Corps and Levi Ackerman, the Captain, told the military and government about what had happened; Eren Jaeger successfully sealing the hole, then the Armored titan, then the Colossal titan and leading them, the Beast titan. About Erwin’s final charge as he lead what remained of the Scouts on a suicide mission. The new Commanders voice trembled in places but they continued steady, the Captain was quiet, back straight, devoid of any emotion as Hange continued their briefing. 

He could see some of the remaining Scouts faces grim and pale. It was too soon to relive what they had gone through. With the books that held the truth about the world and _their_ world, Erwin’s stories and theories all proved right. There was some satisfaction in that, at least for Nile. Erwin had been right. 

Mostly, there was a sickness in his stomach and a dark and somber reality that had settled amongst those at the meeting. Erwin Smith was dead. 

No one wanted to say what that truly meant for them all. They had a too young and inexperienced Queen, a new government that was still settling into a new role, with very little information, and Nobles and citizens that were tired of the constant upheavals and loss. Their world was not as small as they had thought. The world was larger, infinitely more so, than any of them had ever dreamed off. The world was cruel. The world and perhaps their own ancestors had done this to them. 

They had been abandoned and kept hidden and guarded by humans turned beasts. They had been left alone, Their people paying for the sins of their ancestors. Sins, that they knew nothing off. The truth was too fantastical, too warped, too _cruel._

How does one move forward from such a revelation? That the rest of humanity had abandoned them and forgotten them. 

What would they do with this terrible knowledge? This terrible truth? 

In the pit of his stomach Nile felt his grief turn to fury. How fucking dare _he_ go and abandoned them with it? How fucking dare he leave them on the edge with nothing but the long way down? They were blind baby birds that had been set free and, yet, they had not learned to use their wings. The pathetic things, useless, when they knew not the way. 

It was _he_ that had the vision, that had always looked forward with a plan in mind. He, that had set the wheels turning forward and had brought about the changes that the people of the walls had experienced in such short span of time. Levi was Humanity's Strongest, Historia was Queen, Hange was the 14th Commander, Eren and now Armin were titans on their side but…

They had all been catalyst in a bigger and broader plan. 

A plan they knew nothing of, had never thought _they_ would have to make. 

Erwin Smith was _dead._

Nile closed his eyes, that fury dying and turning into a cold and unshakable truth. 

Erwin Smith was dead. 

What would they do? 

What was the plan? 

Who among them could envision what he alone had been able to? 

Who would make the wheels turn? 

At the end of the briefing there had been a moment where Nile lingered. He made his way to the seat that had been empty for the entirety of the briefing. The golden plate was still on there. Name, Rank and Affiliation. He looked on at the cold table, at the back of the chair. With his eyes, he traced the sigil carved on the back. 

The Wings of Freedom. 

Just below he traced their oath. 

_For the Glory of Humanity._

“The _glory_ of humanity, huh?” he let a disdained filled smile and he walked out. What did that mean now that humanity had abandoned each other? Had hurt each other? 

Where was _glory_ to be found in such a cruel world? Filled with humans and their greed and their endless want and need of war? 

Nile had walked out, confident that, at least, his duty alone was clear; to his family, Marie and the children, the people and her majesty, the Queen. 

There was no room for debate on that, no vagueness. 

He would continue to support their effort into the unknown. 

Erwin was gone but the ( _their_ ) world had to move on and it would...set onto a path far more dangerous than before. 

Nile asked Marie for a glass of water as she told him that the children were with her mother and father. She informed him that the Scouts had come back and the Beast titan was dead. 

“Killed by Captain Levi.” 

Nile wasn’t the least bit surprised. Of course _he_ would be the one to kill him. There had never been any doubt from Nile that Erwin's little underground stray would avenge him. Their relationship was a strange one, one that he had never fully understood. There were plenty of rumors but Nile had never put much stock on them. One thing he knew was, that his old friend had always had a way of drawing the strange, the odd, the misfits into his orbit.

He'd feed them, provide a bed and blanket and then he'd give them a sword for each hand and the wings on their back and polished them until they shined bright. Until they stood with their gazes straight ahead as they flew beyond their confines, felling beasts. And some would die and Erwin would rally them and light them on fire and they were a _glorious_ blaze. And they came out from the ashes and the smoke and the steam, stronger, faster, smarter. 

He'd been like some old God, one that lost plenty of worshippers but, the ones that remained, were the ones that were most loyal; who picked up those twin swords willingly with calloused hands, and they would beat their silver and blue wings hard. Harder when those were soaked and dripping scarlet blood, with every stroke, with every beat of their clenched fists, with a war cry etched deep in their hearts. Erwin had always had a way of attracting them, with his words, with the gleam of his blue eyes, the shine of blonde hair, and a far off view that no one but he could see. 

Levi Ackerman had been his best, the most loyal, he flew harder, higher, his hands with twins swords deadlier and _so loyal_ that Erwin would set him loose, and he would reap havoc beyond the walls. He would always come back with wings drenched in steaming blood and Erwin would be there waiting. Nile had envied that. 

Despite what the citizens and nobles and merchants would say. The thing that kept them so loyal was their _trust_. Erwin had it in them and they in him. Trust was something that Nile had always found hard (for him) to come by. The Military police was rolling in abuse and misuse. They backstabbed and bribed and robbed and killed. He'd seen it and turned a blind eye. Until he was able to climb his way to the top. He had been convinced, hopeful that he would be able to change it. He had never been able to accomplish it, not until Erwin came and offered a way. 

He'd often dream of having kept his promise and having joined the Scouting Legion with Erwin. They slay titan after titan, a duo so in tune that words would never need to be uttered. So in sink that they would merely need to look at one other to communicate. Erwin had never held that against him. For Nile it was that, above him marrying Marie, that would have potentially put an end to the friendship.

That had been _their_ dream, their _broken_ promise. 

In the time after the successful coup d’etat, once everything had been set in place, Nile took a chance to reflect, to take in everything that had happened. He had always been amazed at the way Erwin maneuvered and adjusted his plans. The foresight he had to any potential barriers when executing his plans was uncanny. It was that alone that had made Nile shiver as he realized how easily Erwin had accepted him joining the Military Police, the one branch that Nile knew he had never shown any love for. In the end Nile understood _why._ He wondered how long ago had Erwin planned to overthrow the government? Had Nile, joining the Military Police, fallen right along into his plans? 

He laughed long at the realization of how prepared Erwin had been to see his plans through. More so, how in the end, something was always gained. How some truth would be unveiled and how, that truth, always, in some way, prove Erwin and his theories correct. 

A nurse came soon after he laid back down to give him something for the pain. It made him drowsy and with the storm outside it was easy to fall asleep. Easier when when he convinced Marie to lay in the same bed. She had had fallen asleep faster than he and he kissed her forehead before closing his eyes. Tomorrow there would be various officers to brief him on the missed assembly but, for now, he would take whatever rest he could. 

He plunged into a dream he was familiar with; with the twin swords in each hand and the silver and white wing beating on his back, he slay titan after titan as he followed golden hair ahead. 

. 

. 

Eren navigated his toy car on the edge of the desk. The wooden car flew through the air in a swift _woosh_ and landed on the boarded window. He paused and searched for the eyehole and peered through it. It looked bright outside and he really wanted to go and play out there. He looked back to the desk. 

“When can I go outside?” 

The golden hair shifted and she turned around. She looked tired again but she still offered a smile to him as she spread her arms out. Eren ran and wooshed right into the embrace, laughing. She laughed as well and held on tightly to him. 

“Soon. I promise” she whispered. “I finished your medicine, it doesn't taste as funny as the last one.” and she reached to the desk where she had all her shiny glass bottles. 

“Its going to feel like a pinch though but you're very brave Eren.”

He like being called brave so, he held out his arm accustomed to pinches, and buried his face in her neck. He felt the cold swab and smelled the alcohol and he felt the pinch. There was no funny taste in his mouth. He smiled as she put the band aid on his arm. One with birds. Funny looking ones, with big, round eyes. 

He felt very sleepy all of a sudden and he was so warm in her embrace. He mumbled something, a question. 

“It’s okay the headaches will be gone and the pictures will disappear.” 

He felt her kiss his chestnut hair and blearily opened one eye. He left his tor car near the hole in the window and the sun was shining behind it. _He still wanted to go outside._ His dreams were filled with light and toy cars and not once did they turn dark and scary. 

Not once were there strange people covered in red, being devoured by giant monsters, there was no blonde boy or black haired girl, no pounding of horses on the ground or clanging of metal swords, no green capes with bloodied wings. 

Eren slept soundly as he was rocked, a soothing humming close to his ear. 

Eren bit down hard on the hand over his mouth. The person let go, as they yelled, dropping him hard on the ground. He was dazed and was slow to get up as they reached for him again, harshly holding him by the hair. He wanted to cry out but, there was a cloth shoved, as he opened his mouth. He watched through tear filled eyes as they dragged her by her long hair, still kicking and screaming.

“EREN!” 

Zeke watched in amusement as his titan dragged the woman. She had a scarf tangled around her head. He called out for the titan to squeeze her she let out a high pitched scream. From the woods up ahead a titan came rushing out and Zeke starred, caught off guard. 

He smiled at the woman. Her scarf had fallen and he watched her hair spill, long and golden, as the titan dropped her on the ground. He inched closer and stretched his titan mouth, it always intimidated them when he smiled in his Beast form. 

“So that’s how you’ve been avoiding me for so long.” 

He roared and the titans behind him moved and the woman froze, expecting the titans upon her. They ran past and intercepted the titan halfway and then they commenced to feast. The woman screamed and cried, trying and failing to get up. 

“You should worry about yourself rather than the titan.”

Zeke was reaching for her and she kicked and punched trying to get out from his titan grasp. It was futile. He wanted to take a look at her. He could see the resemblance. The eyes were the same as his mothers. At least, of what he could remember. She had died a long time ago. He gave a warning squeeze to get her attention. 

“I got him.” 

She froze. 

“ You weren’t as careful as you thought. Icarus lives on.” her eyes widened. “I wondered why you took such liking to him but well, he is very handsome.” He hummed. “My younger brother has been most helpful, I have to say. So many crimes committed amongst the wall people. It’s as similar story, his and mine. We both got our fathers tortured and killed.” 

“He is nothing like you.” she spat, her youthful face twisted in disdain. 

“You right about that. He knew very little about his dear father. I suppose it's what saved him in the end. I may not have use for that but it could prove to be useful to others and I rather have it destroyed. He doesn’t seem to know about it at all. You, on the other hand, do, don't you? Tell me where it is? Ymir’s h---” 

Eren is scared. So scared. His dad is acting funny. His dads eyes are weird. There is a fuzziness to Eren's own eyes, like when it's foggy out. But he is not outside. He is inside. 

In the basement. 

He has never been allowed here. 

Its mostly dark and there’s all sorts of funny looking things and smells. One he is familiar with; alcohol. His head hurts and his mouth feels dry. He wants some water. He wants his mommy. 

On his left side his father steps into the strange light from the bright bauble. With the light and the shadows on his face Eren thinks he looks scary... _evil._

He whimpers and he can feel the tears slide down the sides of his face. 

He hears his dad talking, trying to calm him down. He says that it’s okay, that he won't feel too much pain. Just a pinch. Only a pinch. Eren opens his emerald eyes. He is scared. There is a needle that glints the light from the strange bauble and then he feels the pinch and he feels all funny and suddenly _too hot_ and he is _so thirsty._ He really wants his mommy. 

He tries to open his eyes and ask for water. But it’s so, so foggy now, and hot. It feels like a sticky, humid summers day. All this fog, all this _steam._

He closes his eyes at last and hopes his mommy will come and bring him some water. It’s not so bad now. The heat has passed and it’s comforting with the humming in the background. _Eren dreams._

_He dreams, dark and scary._

“I’ve killed them all. I’ve doomed us. I’ve cursed us.” 

Eren bangs his head back and forth as he pulls on his hair. 

“I couldn’t change anything. Historia is dead.” he sobs. 

The guards outside his cell shift uncomfortably. He sounds crazy. They wince at a particular loud bang. When the second shift guards come they heave a sigh of relief. The prisoner had kept mumbling gibberish throughout the night. At one point he was crying. One of the guards, who is older and has children of his own, can't help but think that he sounds like a child. A child calling for his mother, one who is in distress. 

“Be quiet. Shut up. Let me sleep. I need to sleep. Just...just be quiet…” 

. 

. 

Marie woke up to Nile mumbling in his sleep. It was something she had grown accustomed to in their long marriage. She sat up from the bed looking to her husband. His face had some color back and when she laid her hand on his forehead it was cool. She swung her feet to the side and felt around for her shoes before slipping them on. 

Being a mother with children that, often took a long time to get up for school, she had learned to wake up early. It was ingrained in her now. She made her way to the window and drew the curtain back, just so, that she could glimpse whether the storm had passed and whether the sun had risen. It had not.

The storm was for the most part over. There was thick fog out now and she wondered if maybe, it was actually, much later, than she thought. Either way she was up. She turned back to look at Nile who was still mumbling. She sighed to herself making a quick run through her hair with her hands and smoothing out any wrinkles on her clothes. She exited the room and headed towards the officers dining hall. She passed two soldiers, both in black uniforms and matching fiery, red hair. The cooks would surely need a hand as she and she felt restless now that Nile was out of danger. She glanced back to the pair, their emerald clasp earrings winking in the torch light. Family heirlooms they had said.

At the thought of family, she felt a surge of affection for her husband. Nile had been easy to fall in love with. He had frequented the bar her family owned, for the majority of his cadet years. Most establishments then, tended to overlook how clearly underage the cadets were. If one could be a soldier, surely they could drink. Really though, fledgling cadets were easily swindled and quick to pay for a drink at a bar or woman at the brothel. 

She had seen them. Throngs of young cadets, loitering outside the brothels, looking and speaking crudely and making obscene suggestion to any females that happened by. That was where she first met Nile. He had come running after her, apologizing for the comments his fellow cadets had made. She was embarrassed herself and she could see that he was as well. 

“I actually didn’t want to stay anyway. I should have probably done as my friend had, and turned back around once the...the establishment was in sight.” He confessed awkwardly. 

They talked some more as she walked to the bar. Marie thought he was nice, polite. Nothing at all like other boys that liked to grab her arm tightly, or stare at her widening hips, or her (sudden) developing breasts. He came every free weekend after, to talk to her as she wiped the counter down, right before business picked up. She liked it and she wasn’t completely dense that she had not noticed why. He never bought anything. When she questioned why he responded. 

“My friend says I’m better off saving whatever they give us for later. “Something better” he says.” 

“The same friend that turned back around?” she asks, referring to the brothel incident. 

He nods. 

“He sounds smart.” 

That’s it really. Nile agrees with her readily and then proceeds to tell her more about his friend. She can see the clear admiration that Nile has for this friend of his. She finds it cute. Marie doesn't meet him for a while but in the meantime, she learns and hears plenty about him, through Nile. 

She finally meets Erwin Smith. Nile had introduced them on a busy night so it was quick and she was surprised that Nile had managed to bring his taciturn friend out. He was nothing like she had imagined him. She thought he was handsome and that he had a very intense gaze about him. Standing next to each other she thought that they were quite opposites. Then, it got busy, so she didn't pay much attention to Nile and Erwin Smith. 

Nile liked to complain to her about him. That he never goes out, that he is always reading or studying or training. Sometimes, she imagined that she was the wife hearing every complaint that her husband had, other times, she imagines, that Nile was the wife complaining about his husband and that had made her giggle internally. She listens intently though because it’s Nile, her boyfriend. 

“Erwin just keeps going on and on about his crazy theories and the others eat it right up.” 

That was one of his more common complaints. That, and that the instructors either loved or loathed, Erwin Smith. At the time Marie had _envied_ him. This Erwin that Nile went on and on about and later she _hated_ him. It was stupid of her but still...It would be because of him that she would lose her Nile. It was because of Erwin Smith, that Nile was planning on joining the Survey Corp. 

They had made a promise together, that they would. 

She had known that from the beginning and yet as graduation drew closer, dread settled, thick and heavy. The Scouting Legion, that was either loved or loathed, that was where Nile had decided to join after graduating. She was immensely relieved when Nile had changed his mind. He had graduated in the top 10 and had chosen the Military Police. Marie held on tight to him as he confessed that he wanted to marry her, to have a family, and she held on tighter still, nodding and saying “yes” over and over again. 

She tried not to think about Nile and his promise to Erwin. When she asked, Nile had said that Erwin had simply smiled and said that he understood and that he knew that he would. They married a year after and despite the invitation Erwin did not come. An expedition was taking place the same day. Marie had been relieved. 

The week before the wedding she had been plagued by terrible nightmares. Nightmares where Nile never made it to altar, instead, it was Erwin that walked towards her, dressed in black. As he reached her, he held out a uniform, a green one, with the wings stained crimson. She knew, she knew instantly that Nile had died. Then she would wake up screaming as her white dress, slowly turned black. 

The men who joined the Scouts left many behind; mothers and father, sisters and brothers, widows and children. Nearly all those left behind grew resentful of the Scouts. She had seen the widows. They were easily recognized not merely by their gaunt and haunted appearance. There was something else. A fragile frailty to their dead eyes. It used to send shivers down Marie’s back. They all had the same look, glacial and broken. As if they would never be happy again. 

She never revealed to Nile her uneasiness and the guilt that she felt when it came to Erwin. 2 months after their nuptials Erwin came to congratulate them. He smiled warmly at them and gifted them a tea set painted with delicate yellow daffodils. It was beautiful. 

“I came across it by chance. Nile said that yellow was your favourite colour and daffodils were his mother's favorite. It seemed perfect.” 

Marie smiled, thanking him. He endeared himself to her slowly and perhaps it was his way of soothing her guilt at their broken promise. Since then, whenever he would pay them a visit, Marie served tea in that very tea set. She encouraged their friendship thereafter. She had always known how much Erwin meant to Nile and she could see the same held true from him. 

It was a friendship that was hard to keep considering the distance and then the nature of their respective duties. Duties that, as time went by and they climbed the ranks, often were at complete spectrums and in opposition. Despite it all they cared for one another. After each expedition Nile would sit at the breakfast table going over the newspaper. Marie waited (bated breath) as Nile would sigh in relief at the absence of Erwin's name from both the KIA or MIA lists. There were times when he recognized other names, of course, and she watched him sag in sadness. But, it was never Erwin's name and she was thankful for that. She felt that Nile might break in someway. One that she did not want him to. 

Time passed, Maria fell, the Female titan was revealed (Nile couldn't believe that it had been one of his subordinates, that Erwin had allowed it (the destruction) to happen). He told Marie much later, that he had not recognized his old friend. Soon after Erwin lost his arm and Nile had rushed off, pale faced, certain that he would be too late to bid goodbye to him. There had been so little remaining of his graduating cadet class then. Marie prayed to Sina, Rose and Maria, asking that they would save Erwin Smith’s life, that they would spare her Nile the anguish. 

Nile came home a week later, tired and complaining about the Captain (“Why does he always complain about my beard? It’s Erwin's’ who looks like a hobo.”). Marie liked the Captain. He had always come across as an honest, if strict (and petite) looking man. Thankfully Erwin was still alive and despite his complaints, of the Captain Levi’s abuse, Nile was smiling. 

The coup had made everything more complicated. It strained their friendship further. Put Nile in a dangerous position and by extension his family. Marie had been thankful that, at her father’s insistence, she had learned how to operate a handgun, and she had always been a good shot. Nile had made her promise that she would always carry a weapon hidden on her person during the coup. She had known the minute, that they had printed the wanted signs for the Scouts and Captain Levi, that something more was happening. In the end the coup had been successful and for once it seemed as though Nile and Erwin would rekindle their friendship having stood by each other's side in order to overthrow the corrupt monarchy. 

At the coronation dinner Marie had been shocked at how young Queen Historia was. Perhaps it was her motherly instinct but she was but a child. She felt the same way when she met Captain Levi’s squad. They were _so young_ and yet she could the sort of matureness that only the Scouts possessed. A sort of understanding that came from seeing and experiencing only what they had and what few would. She had seen the Commander briefly and despite Niles warning she still felt shock at the extent of injuries. Truly the previous monarchy had been barbaric to have inflicted such torture on Commander Smith. 

He refused to dance but for one. Marie couldn't help but think that and Queen Historia looked like Father and daughter as they danced. He was different yet again. Polite and distant. She didn’t take any offense, after all, it had only been 2 days since he was released and cleared of his perceived crimes. It was the first time that she had thought that he looked forlorn. Despite his victories and accomplishments, Erwin Smith, looked as if he was trying his best to not fall apart. 

With the reclamation of Wall Maria she could see that Nile was worried. Late one night, he told her that he thought that Erwin should stay back, that with his injuries he would be at a disadvantage. 

“There's no one else though. No ones else who could do it. I think, I know, that with Erwin as Commander. He is the only that stands a chance at reclaiming Maria. We have come this far because of him. He has always been able to see something that nobody else can't.” 

He held her close to him and she knew, she knew that Nile was frightened about the outcome of the mission and its repercussions. She felt it herself. There was a different wind blowing, whatever change it brought with it, would inevitably change their course for better, for worse. 

They lined up the street. They held banners and waved flags sporting the bust of Maria on one side on the other the Wings of Freedom. This would be the path that their heroes would walk through. This would be where they would return home. 

Triumphant. 

Maria was once more theirs. 

The Scouting Legion had been victorious. 

All throughout Rose and Sina the news had traveled fast and wide. The lookout garrison had spotted the Green flare. The victory signal. The citizens were ravenous with joy, there was cheer all around. The very air, sweet, with elation. They waited as the lifts came down one and then another. That was it. 

It was like a cruel joke. 

The citizens ceased their celebration and the air became thick with shock. 

Only 9 had returned. 

_Only 9._

They stepped forward slowly, weary. Hange was at the front, one of their eyes bandaged, then the children (one was being carried on a stretcher) Marie had met at the Queen’s coronation dinner. Then the Captain, trailing in the back. 

Marie looked to the officials at the front, they were standing on a raised platform. The heads of the Government and the Queen (who had insisted on being present when the Scouts (her friends) would return) were grim looking. So this was it then. They were the _victorious_ survivors. 

There was no sound, no noise of any sort.

Just complete and utter silence. 

As the Scouts passed by the Queen and the others, Marie watched as the Queen stood, back straight, left hand behind her back, right arm over her heart. A salute. The rest followed and as they made their way down, the citizen lined path, each and every one saluted the remaining Scouts; solemn and grim. A true salute.

There was no reproach or accusations. Not one. 

Marie looked once more to the young Queen. She was still holding her salute, there were tears running down her pale cheeks and then Marie felt her own. It wasn't just her. She could see, could hear those around her crying, some wailing. She stared ahead as they made their way down the path. She caught a glimpse at the their faces. 

All were haunted by terrors and loss that they alone had witnessed and had overcome. They stared straight ahead, their gazes fixed somewhere beyond. Toward the end, Captain Levi made his way. Marie caught a glimpse of his face. 

It was his countenance that overwhelmed her, that pierced her heart and she cried out loud. The lump in her throat had become too much. Nile was at her side in an instant and she clung to him desperately as he tried to soothe her. It was of no use to either of them. She could feel his own tears as they fell on her neck. 

They had won. 

The mission had been a success. 

They had been victorious. 

It was a cruel truth. 

They had lost many, they had lost many more. 

_They had lost too many._

It was a hollow victory. 

Marie would never forget the Captain face as he walked by, so very ghostlike.

His face was gaunt and haunted. 

His eyes were glacial and broken. 

He had looked as if he would never be happy again. 

He looked like a widow. 

. 

. 

‘Erwin.’

‘Erwin.’ 

There was a voice calling for him. Much louder and clearer than the rest. 

A familiar voice. One that Erwin knew. 

His mind was buzzing with millions of voices. No longer quite as loud or overwhelming. He felt heavy, weighted down by his body. Everything that made him up. Nerves, and bones and muscles. There existed a knowledge of every part of his being. It was overwhelming. A sudden tidal wave of information and sensation. A new pathway, that only now, revealed itself. He blinked his eyes awake. He breathed in air and felt the way it seemed _new_. It was strange experiencing things for the first time, once again. 

‘Erwin, can your hear me?’ 

He blinked his eyes open again and raised his right arm to rub the grit from his eyes. 

‘Erwin, are you awake?’ 

‘Yes. I’m awake. I can hear you.’ 

“You’re awake!” 

He turns to his side abruptly, his eyes wide and wild. _It’s them! They are back._ He moved faster than he thought possible, because he slams the person onto the floor, hard. His hands on their shoulders, gripping tightly and then there is yelling in the background. Yelling aimed at him. Ordering him to move. To let go of the person in his grip. 

It’s very odd. His mind takes a while to adjust. His body had moved impossibly fast, faster than his mind could comprehend. His eyes adjust and he can finally see and think clearly. His body and mind finally in sync. 

“Erwin. Erwin. It’s me. Do you remember me? Do you know who I am?” 

He blinks his eyes and it’s like everything shifts and comes into focus. He stares down at the person beneath him. Thick brown hair, and...and a familiar pair of eyes...eye? He loosens his hold on their thin shoulders and he feels the regret immediately. He leans back and pulls them to him. 

“Hange!” 

They embrace him back, crying and Erwin panics. 

“I'm so sorry. Hange, I’m so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt. I’m so, so sorry.” 

He apologizes over and over again as he rubs their back comfortingly. Then he notices the guards surrounding him with their swords and firearms aimed at him. His eyes widen even more. 

“Rico! Horst!” 

He recognized nearly all of them. He feels Hange push at him and he lets them go. Hange promptly smacked him on his left arm, hard.

“Are you fucking trying to kill me you ungrateful scoundrel!” they exclaim looking at him tears in their eye. 

“I was not. I promise you.” They throw themselves at him and now it is him who is lying on the ground. 

“You remember me! I am so fucking glad you remember me and that you are okay.” they are sobbing again and Erwin pats their back. 

“Hange there is no possible way for me to forget you. I don't think I will _ever_ meet anyone like yourself.” he assures them sincerely and they seem to calm down. 

Hange gets up again. Offering Erwin a hand, completely calm, as the others still dumbfounded at the unexpected development between the two former and current Commanders, of the Survey Corp. Erwin is quick to look around him, taking the time to survey the room he is in. He has never been here before. He looks to Rico and Horst and then Hange again. 

“This is not a dream is it? You are truly here? I am truly here?” 

The question catches them all off guard. It is Rico who takes a step forward and slams her heeled boot on Erwin's bare left foot. Erwin does not expect it and he nearly yowls before biting back his scream. He looks indignantly at Rico who only looks coolly back at him. Hange is laughing in the background and he can see Horst and others wearing a horrified look. He hopes the robe he has on, is not open in the back. It is a strange thing to wish for. 

“It’s not a fucking dream, Smith! Now are you gonna tell us why the hell your up and about when you should be six feet underground!?” she demands trying to keep her cool. Because someone she had known and admired was alive, after all. 

Erwin is still hopping on one foot, looking a complete fool before them all and then he hears the voice again calling for him. His countenance changes and its noticeable enough that Hange stops laughing and the atmosphere turns serious again. 

“It’s a long story.” Rico begins to open her mouth. “One that I have the full intention of sharing with you but...There is something that I need to request of you. Can you take me to see the 3 titan shifters in your custody? I promise that you can tie me down, chain me, incapacitate me, in any way you would see fit. But I must see them and speak with them.” 

They stare blankly at him.

He supposes that it’s a strange thing to wish for. 

. 

. 

“Shit! Shit! Get up Giulia! Sound the fucking alarm. There's titans approaching the wall!” 

Giulia takes off running from inside the wall and up the stairs, to reach the top. She pants hard. Just a few minutes ago she and Tomazs were joking that being in-between the walls, right next to the titans that made them up, was crazy and now there were titans from outside, approaching them. Approaching Maria from Aldebaran district. 

She reached the emergency system and uncovered the large crystal. It’s brightness hurt her eyes after having been in the dark for so long. They had better fucking see it she thought as she squinted her eyes trying to see through the fog. 

“Come on! Come on!” 

The fog was too thick. Fuck! She felt her heart drop as she waited and then she saw it. Barely making it out through the fog. It flashed once, twice. She nearly fell in relief and then she signaled back. _Titans._

“Mother fucking titans!” 

The signals went off one by one, down the line until they reached Karanese and, then finally, the bells were ringing, in all of Wall Rose. Where they had evacuated everyone before the fight against Marley. Giulia heard a thump and her blood ran cold. 

. 

. 

The door to the underground holding cells opened. The guards tensed before a voice called out. 

“At ease!” 

Squad Leader Brzenska walked in followed by Commander Hange and then a tall blonde man with chains on all his limbs and a muzzle around his face. There where guards holding onto the end of the chains and each one carried the titan killer weapon. The Thunder Spear. 

“Remain with your weapons at the ready, outside the door!.” 

They did as they were told as they eyed the tall blonde man as he shuffled in slowly, the chains clinking as he moved. He stopped close to the middle of the cells that house the 3 titan shifters, so that he could see them and they him. Commander Hange leaned forward to whisper to him. They approached the cell where Eren was being held, the man following behind. 

Eren was leaning against the wall, knees bent so that he looked like a small, scared child. When Hange called his name, his head lifted slowly. His hair was long and obscuring most of his face yet his emerald eyes were gleaming with fresh tears. He looked so tired and so incredibly mournful, as if he had finally given up. Hange felt a pang as she remembered the first time that they had met. 

“Eren, there's someone that wants to see you.” 

It was a tight fit but Erwin maneuvered himself in front of Eren and did his best to kneel before him in an imitation of the second time that they had met. He held out a chained hand. Eren looked back, his eyes widening. Erwin could see a hint of recognition. He felt a sense of sympathy and empathy for Eren. He _understood_ how difficult it was with so many voices. Voices that no one but they, alone, could hear. 

“Good morning, Eren. My name is Erwin Smith. It has been a long time but do you remember me?” he smiled, despite muzzle, the same way as five years ago. 

Eren looked back at him, with wonder and confusion in his sunken eyes. 

“The Commander. I remember. Erwin Smith, the Commander of the Survey Corps.” 

Erwin smiled, encouragingly and then shook his head. 

“You are not entirely wrong. I, no longer Command the Scouts, Hange Zoe does.” he nods to them. “Eren, I’m glad you remember me. Will you let me help? The voices,” Eren stiffened, “I can ask them to be quiet. I can ask them to leave you in peace so that you may rest. Would you let me do that? Would you accept my help once more?” 

Eren looked back at Erwin Smith. He had been so tired and scared and confused the first time he had met the Commander of the Survey Corps. The second he had been anxious, especially after the beating at the hands of Captain Levi. The pain had lingered in his mind long after the injuries had begun to heal. He remembered all these strange people who had offered him help and a place among the Scouts in exchange for a power he knew nothing of. He remembered feeling a sense of acceptance because these people did not look at him with fear in their eyes, like a monster. 

Erwin Smith, had offered him his hand to shake with a smile, that had made Eren eager to accept. For the first time, Eren felt that he was being viewed no longer as a hot headed child but as an adult, as a man, _a scouting soldier_. The way he had always wanted his, too busy, Father to acknowledge him. It humbled him. To have the Commanders handshake and _respect._

Now he hesitated. 

Ever since the chapel, on Reiss territory, he had slowly become weary of coming in contact with people. _Afraid._ The Commanders hand was still reaching out to him and Eren reached back to meet his handshake. There were no flashes, no memories, and the minute they came in contact, Eren felt a moment of peace. 

There were only _his_ thoughts and the pounding of his heart in his head. Then finally he could rest, could sleep without the incessant voices, memories, and dreams. He dreamed of nothing. Just a void, a quiet silence that was welcomed gratefully, at last. 

Erwin watched as Eren relaxed and fell asleep. He asked for them to lay him down properly onto the bed and to cover him and let him rest. He would need it for what was to come. 

“Eren has not had a proper rest in a long while.” He told the others. “I can answer your questions later. Now, I would like to speak with Reiner Braun and Miss Pieck.” 

Hange lead the way to the other holding cells, Rico following behind. The both of them had gotten up from their beds, awakened by the commotion. They were tense as they were approached. Reiner's eyes went round as he saw the man in chains. He remembered his composure as, he, in his Armored titan form, kneeled next to him atop the wall. 

He was calm, not the least bit of doubt(of fear) on display. On the contrary, he had looked coolly at the Armored titan beside him. With his sword held in his one remaining arm, he glanced at Reiner and he smiled, he smirked. Reiner took it for what it was, _a challenge._ And my god. 

How could Reiner doubt that the Commander would die due to a missing limb? 

This man who had maneuvered with only one arm, who had only minutes ago lost the other, and retrieved Eren. Perhaps their War Chief had met his match. As a warrior, as a soldier, Reiner was not ashamed to admit that he admired the Commander. He was a different kind of leader to Zeke Jaeger, their War Chief. Where he inspired, the latter cowed.

That had been the 13th Commander, Erwin Smith. 

Who had died 5 years ago. Who should be dead. 

“Commander Smith.” 

Erwin looked to his left and he smiled back. 

“Its been a long time.” he turned to Pieck and politely introduced himself, the smooth motherfucker. “Things have changed vastly since last we met. You have questions and I can provide some answers but not all. I believe we both can benefit from some much needed answ---” 

“Cut the crap, Commander. You want something from us. Something else than answers. What is it?” Reiner demanded. 

“Eren was right about you Reiner.” Erwin acknowledged, as he recalled. “I would like it if Miss Pieck would let me and them.” He motioned to Hange, Rico and his handlers. “Ride on the back of her Cart Titan Form.” 

“Why?” Pieck asked moving closer as the others wondered the same thing. 

“ In a few moments there will be a message from the Scouts stationed on Maria. There are titans heading from the Northeast. They are approaching from Aldebaran District, the outlier city of Wall Maria. The fog---” he answered calmly. 

There was a deafening silence. Then Erwin nearly fell backwards as the chain around his neck was jerked back. 

“What the fuck are you saying? Why the hell would you say that!?” 

They had not gone outside, they were underground, there was not a window from which to look out from. Erwin should not know about the fog. 

“The fog was obscuring them. They are hiding, waiting beyond the woods. The signals were only relayed moments ago. The fog delayed it.” Erwin continued monotone, his eyes glazed looking beyond. Then, his blue eyes, focused again. 

The bells rang. 

The tension spiked. The chains were tightened. 

“So you see we don't have much time before sunrise.” 

Pieck stared back at the commander, her intelligent eyes searching and then she nodded. 

. 

. 

“What the fuck was that?” 

Tomazs appeared from behind Giulia, cursing, deathly pale. 

“The titan...the titan...its the titan. It’s knocking. It’s knocking on the entrance.” 

Giulia peered over the side, the vertigo hit her or maybe it was shock. The fog had hidden a 5 meter from them. It was at the entrance, arm raised as it knocked on the entrance at Aldebaran District. Once, then a second time. 

_THUMP!_

_THUMP!_

“Fuck.” 

_THUMP!_

_THUMP!_

They both stared at one another, the fog was dispersing. They could see further ahead...at the crawler titan just beyond the wood. Waiting. 

_THUMP!_

_THUMP!_

. 

. 

. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it coming along ok? I wanted this chapter to show some of Erwin's important people and their thoughts on him. It was fun getting into their headspaces (I enjoyed Nile and Marie and feel as if I know them better even though they are imagined). More tags also. Did you catch some of the references to the anime/manga and character smart passes? Thank you reading and being patient with me. :)


	6. (Un)Tethered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter proved to be harder to write and the length far longer than I anticipated. I have broken it into two parts. Enjoy the first part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for suicidal ideation.  
> Warning for extreme graphic and creepy dream sequence.

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Erwin opened the door to his office, no longer surprised, to find it unlocked. 

The first time, the sight of him - one bandana over his head and one covering his nose and mouth - had frozen him silly. Erwin was sure he must have been gapping for Levi had taken the time (by then) to appear collected, for he too had not been expecting Erwin to arrive back so early. There had been a stiff atmosphere, neither of them saying anything to the other, as they simply looked at each other. Both, speechless and dumbfounded. 

Erwin closed the door at last. 

“I did not think my office was so lacking in cleanliness that you would see to it yourself, Levi.” Erwin said, glad his words had not failed him, as they often had when it came to Levi. 

He scoffed, shoulders relaxing as he went back to dusting the glass bookshelf. 

“Of course you would think that.” Levi replied, as he rolled his eyes. “It’s a fucking dump! How you manage anything in here is a fucking mystery!” 

In the time since their spar, Levi had not stopped short of merely leaving bandages outside his bedroom door whenever, Erwin arrived back, often weary and bruised, from conducting his schemes. 

It had branched beyond simple bandages. Levi waited for them to get back. He began to bring Erwin (and by extension Mike and Hange or any other involved, in whatever the blonde schemed) dinner and tea and other necessities. 

However, it was Erwin, who was the recipient, more often than anyone else, of these unexpected attentions. He never asked questions, knowing that Erwin would not be forthcoming. It, however, did not mean, that Levi was completely in the dark. Although, much of what Squad Leader Smith got up to was left a mystery to the other Scouts, Levi now knew better, and because of him growing up Underground, he knew what to listen and look for and how to hide his curiosity from any nosy bastards, MP's or not. 

That was how it started, this odd routine of theirs. 

Presently, he was scrubbing the windows, so thoroughly, that Erwin debated asking whether they had done anything to offend him? 

He walked to his seat behind the desk, removing his coat and draping it behind his chair, ignoring the “tch” from Levi and his very deliberate scoff towards the coat rack. His office had never quite looked as clean or as organized, and, admittedly, it had never felt so welcoming. Although, really, he could not give much credit to four walls, it was another that deserved it but, he knew better, and that he should not to mention this...for both of their sakes. 

He had never considered himself a sloppy person. Having been the son of a professor, neatness had been taught to him early on. Even so, that seemed insufficient next to Levi’s high standards. Before he knew it, he had been sentenced to whatever corner the younger man pointed to while he scrubbed, dusted, mopped, and wiped. He had heard the rumors concerning Levis extreme propensity toward cleanliness but, until just recently (3 months ago), he had never seen him at work. His chosen attire for the task had yet to fail in inducing Erwin’s bemusement. 

Levi, in the span of those 3 months, since he first saw Erwin poisoned, learned much about the man he had been hired to kill and now followed without regret. He was a stubborn and ruthless man when it came to obtaining information or gathering evidence on corrupt nobles or merchants opposed to the Scouting expeditions. He was always ahead of those people but often played the part of foolish or naive, inexperienced Scout to throw his opposition of guard. Often, knowing well, when to appear naive and when to not. But he was also an incredibly stupid, stubborn, bastard easily getting hurt or poisoned, if it meant some sort of gain for the Scouts. He was always single-minded when it came to his goals. It’s why Levi (and Erwin’s friends) often called him out on his bullshit and reminded him that he was human and he could and would die if he kept on dismissing his well-being. When Erwin set something in mind, a plan, a trap, a _gamble_ , he always forgot to take care of himself. 

He overworked himself and forewent meals habitually, and it had become frustratingly obvious, that he sleep late, with recurring frequency. Levi had heard Mike and Hange discussing Erwin’s furlough appearance and that was why, Levi had, since then, taken it upon himself to wait in Erwin’s office as he worked through his duties as Squad Leader and his _other_ duties. On top of his regular Squad leader duties, the idiot seemed to jump at any chance to help out the Commander, even though his workload already included a frankly (in Levi’s opinion) absurd amount of duties that, Keith Sadies, as Commander, should himself oversee. 

It was Levi’s presence that made Erwin aware of the long hours he spent in his office - bent over books and paperwork - and because Levi, was a stubborn bastard himself, he had no problem ignoring the blonde whenever he would tell Levi that he could go to bed and rest. It didn't take long for Erwin to realize what Levi was doing and so he began to cut short the hours spent in his office. So that Levi would be forced to retire to the barracks and sleep. 

“I didn’t think you would come back so late. Mike was moping around your office all of yesterday, complaining to me that you had refused his company on your visit to Sina. Wouldn’t let me properly clean the shaggy mutt.” Levi said, as Erwin took a seat with a visible slump, that he quickly straightened up, at Levi’s raised eyebrow. 

“Yes." He replied, humoring Levi. "I apologize if he bothered you while you were in the midst of cleaning.” 

“Why didn’t you let him come with you? And why the fuck did you take so long? He said you should have been back yesterday.”

Erwin purposely kept quiet. Sometimes he wasn't sure how to interpret Levi's questions. Questions, that had begun to sound like accusations, even nagging at times. Questions that sometimes sounded tinged with worry. But that was _impossible,_ Erwin told himself. Those sort of thoughts were _dangerous, unprofessional._ Levi, took his silence to mean, that he was not privy to whatever Erwin had been up to and the subject closed. He grunted and moved to the next pane, his scrubbing much more rigorous than before. 

Erwin was shuffling through the papers he had brought back, stopping at the form with the seal bearing roses on its surface. He looked at it with a hard stare, noticed his tight grip, and then loosened his hold (he had never liked creased or wrinkled paper) and looked up towards the window. The sun was hitting Levi on an angle, so that the half that Erwin was viewing was bathed in light. With his bangs held back, he could see Levi's eyelashes, long and ember, in the afternoon sunlight. 

_Dangerous. Unprofessional._

He looked away, swallowing down the strange flutter in his throat, _not his heart, not his heart._ He should have kept his distance, just as he had told himself he would, Erwin thought. He had not and now...He sighed, pinching his eyes closed. It wasn’t often that Erwin went astray from what he had told himself he would do, from the path and goals he set for himself. Especially, when it came to the people that might be affected by him and his choices. _By his selfishness and his arrogant goals._

They...had grown closer, learned to depend on one another, to a degree. Erwin would not flatter himself, by so unscrupulously thinking himself a _friend_ in Levi’s life. Their relationship had just become a more solid, definable one. _Definable was good, safe, professional,_ he thought. Levi had already suffered because of his scheming and still Erwin wante-... _No._ He had promised himself he would keep his distance and yet...He sighed. Yet, he had somehow inspired in Levi curiosity...no, not curiosity, suspicion, surely it was suspicion. That was likely the reason why the distance between them had minimized and Erwin had let it. He had not done anything to dissuade Levi. On the contrary, he had even encouraged it and...He felt the shame, guilt. He had enjoyed the attentions, however insignificant they may have appeared to anyone else, these _“nothings.”_

He looked back down to the form on his desk, ignored it and the nagging clench of his stomach, and from his bag withdrew an envelope bearing the Supreme Premiers Seal and the Kings Seal. This would allow Erwin to reaffirm, _to keep_ his bygone promise. It would ensure Levi with a way out, from the Scouting Legion, without endangering his granted citizenship and the pardoning of his crimes. This would be Erwin’s way of _atoning_ for the deaths of his friends and for forcing and involving Levi in his schemes and gambles. 

He laid the other form next to the envelope, straightening both out, and evenly spaced. It made him feel more in control, to arranged them, when he was not. 

It would create the much needed distance between them and likely, it was distance and dissociation, that Levi needed to forget. To not see or be involved with Erwin Smith, the man that had dragged him from one hell and into a different one. 

Erwin’s blue eyes once more strayed to the window, at Levi cleaning the corner, where dust and dirt collected in abundance, if left unattended. He supposed, he must have been staring longer than he meant to, because he was brought out from his reverie, startled as Levi stopped his cleaning to ask. 

“You gonna tell me I missed a spot?” 

“I...no, no I wasn't." He cleared his throat. "You haven’t.” 

“Then why the fuck are you staring so much? Its fucking creepy, you creep!” 

Erwin did not reply (words failing him _again_ ) and instead turn to look down to the mess he had made on the desk (again). Had he not turned his his gaze away, he would have caught the rose-pink on the tips of pale ears. For a moment Levi wanted to tell him off for that (he had spent a long time cleaning it, after all) but returned to the filthy window corner, ignoring the memory of a cool, blue, and burning gaze. Levi had been unsettled at Erwin’s continued silence and the intensity of his blue gaze. 

Maybe he was hurt and was pretending not to be? Erwin did that often. Dismissing and saying that it was nothing “just a scratch,” even so, he relented to Levi dressing his “scratches.” In the Underground, scratches could turn into an infection and that could mean death, Levi had once told him gruffly. Since then, Erwin had been silent as he removed his clothes and let Levi (or Hange) treat his wounds. 

Levi turned back to the blonde, suspicious of his odd behavior, with the intent of ordering him to strip because, the fucker, would surely do it incorrectly later without Levi (or Hange) to do it for him, and of course, Levi wasn’t willing to waste his time treating infections later on. Taking care of things as soon as possible was a no-brainer, in Levi's dutiful and meticulous mind. As it was, the arrogant bastard, already tested Levi's patience, (he had little to spare as it was) with his superior acts of posh, politeness each time he got up saying, "Levi, I'm done. I am going to bed, you should as well. Goodnight." As if Levi was stupid enough to believe that Erwin didn't take his work to his quarters to finish, if he felt that Levi stayed too late, and needed to sleep. _The shitty liar._

Levi had been in a rage the first time he saw the light beneath his door, because truth be told, Levi had always had a hard time sleeping. And if he had used Erwin working through documents and forms, as an excuse to not be alone under the dark solitude of the night, he wasn't ever gonna say anything. He would have opened it, that door with the strip of light beneath it, had he not remembered _who Erwin was and who he was._ Barging in, late at night, into an officer’s quarters if only to yell at them to "stop fucking working and go the fuck to sleep!" didn’t seem like _nothing. _It would be crossing a line that Levi had not wanted to. It would be a step into unknown territory, a new facet to their relationship of Scout soldier and Squad Leader. Levi wasn't sure if he wanted them to be anything other than soldier and their superior. If he would even be able to call a man like Erwin Smith “friend.” If Erwin would want to label a street rat, who had been hired to kill him, a “friend?”__

____

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_Comrade would be enough..._ Levi told himself. 

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_It was enough._

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The minute Levi turned around to assess the overall appearance of the blonde, he spoke. 

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“Levi, won’t you take a seat?” He gestured to the open chair, in front of his desk. 

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Erwin could see Levi hesitate, caught off guard by his unusual request. He reiterated his request a second time. adding a “please” and watched as Levi left his cleaning rag, folded (neatly), by the window, and then take a careful seat, staring at Erwin intently...quicksilver eyes searching. 

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Erwin felt the fluttering. 

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“Are you hurt?” 

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When Erwin said he was not, Levi prepared to get up to continue his cleaning. 

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“Wait,” Levi paused and sat back down, reluctant to seat himself in across from Erwin. It was too close and at the same time schismatic, the desk between them creating a barrier that seemed...expendable. It put Levi on edge, perfectly illustrating their status. One, that while Levi craved, also made him want to away with it, made him feel inferior to the blonde. 

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Erwin seemed to collect himself, having placed his hands, awkwardly, on the table, before picking up a heavy looking envelope and sliding it to Levi, his palm facing up as he did so. 

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“What’s this?” Levi asked, not taking the envelope for himself, not even fully registering it, instead, focusing his silver eyes on the flash of permanent scar, long and deep, embedded into hardened and calloused, salmon skin. 

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_It was his scar._

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The other one. A fraternal twin to the one made that same day, under an overcast sky. On the neck - a fragile place for the metal of a sword to rest - close to that speckle of freckles. 

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“Your probation period has ended.” Levi looked up, the foggy stupor turning into unexpected surprise. It still had not been a year. “It was a unanimous decision given your conduct. It helped greatly that the citizens have taken to calling you “Humanity's Strongest.” Erwin smiled, as Levi scowled at the title. “As part of the finalization you have been granted Citizenship and your crimes have been pardoned and expunged from your military record. You are effective, since 4 days ago, a free man.” 

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Levi inhaled, astonished at the sudden turn of events. He reached for the envelope with shaky hands. For a selfish moment, he felt a pure feeling of happiness, that quickly changed into bitter conceit, at the thought of Isabel, of Farlan. There was two official seals; one was gold and the other crimson. 

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“Inside you’ll find the documents necessary as proof of your Sina Citizenship.” 

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He opened the envelope, his eyes widened as he unfolded the document to find a portrait of himself on the right corner. _When had they? Who?_

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“You’ll have Moblit Berner to thank for the portrait.” Erwin said, guessing at the question Levi had. “I think he did a fantastic job capturing your likeness.” and Levi admitted that the quiet man had. “Much better than the portrait sanctioned artists of Sina would have.” The blonde smiled at the remark. “Given that we have no record of your last name, I asked them to leave that blank, in case you would like to add it yourself or if you decide to take...to take another, such as your wife’s should you marry later on.” Levi looked up suddenly, snorting, at the mere suggestion of such a preposterous thing like marriage. 

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He put the paper back in the envelope as Erwin watches silently, waiting, until Levi looked up to address the other item on his desk. 

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“Levi," His tone sounds different, more serious, formal. "Do you remember what we discussed some time ago?” Levi gives a confused look back, wondering at the sudden formality in the stiffness of Erwin's posture, to the careful consideration on his face. “I...The reason why, I took so long, was that, I paid an old friend of mine, a visit. Ian Dietrich and I graduated from the same cadet trainee class. He was recently appointed Squad Leader, by Commander Pixis, of the Garrison.” Levi froze, all at once remembering. “He is to be stationed in Wall Rose, in Trost District. I, and forgive me for this, assumed you would not like to return to live in Sina, and I did promise you, that I would offer you the chance to transfer to the Garrison. Ian, is looking to establish a Squad, that would help him oversee Trost. Your accomplishments in the Scouts more than qualify you, and he expressed his agreement, if you would like to accept the post.” He slid the form to Levi, palm facing up, his expression carefully blank. 

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_The scar on his palm flashed._

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“It is a good position." Erwin licked his lips, making sure to keep a steady, professional tone. "The Garrison pays well, better than the salary you are currently provided with. In due time, you would be able to purchase a home for yourself and later start a family.” Levi inwardly recoiled. _Why the fuck was he bringing that up?_ Levi’s knee began to jerk up and down. “It would be a comfortable life after every---”

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“Are you ordering me!?!” Levi demanded, voice unnaturally high, closer to a yell. His knee halting and fists clenched tightly in the fabric of his pants. “Do I have a choice or have you already made it for me?” 

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Erwin fumbled, caught off guard by the acidity of Levi’s accusing tone. By the unexpected rigidness of his small shoulders. 

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Erwin messed up. His arrogance showing through and through. So obvious was he, by the look of disgust on Levi's face. 

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_"Hes such a know-it-all, that creepy eyebrows. Just because his dad is the teacher."_

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“Of course not. I told you I would give you the choice.” Erwin was reaching for the form. “You don't have to join the Garrison or...or even stay in the Military...I...You are a free man, Levi. You can do as you like.” He was withdrawing the form. 

_____ _

_He could still fix this. He would fix this._

_____ _

“That’s not it!” Levi panicked, his smaller hand reaching out to stop Erwin’s. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

They both froze. The moment suspended in time. They did not move their hands away. 

_____ _

Levi licked his dry lips. Erwin's blue eyes followed the movement, hypnotized. 

_____ _

“You said that I have the choice.” Levi stated. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Yes.” Erwin replied breathless. 

_____ _

_The fluttering was there again. It felt like a flock of birds._

_____ _

“So...I…I can decline you friends offer?” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“...Yes...” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“I can stay on in the Scouting Legion?” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“You don't have to Levi. You---” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“It’s my choice! I want to stay!” 

_____ _

His tone was serious, his quicksilver eyes determined.

_____ _

They stared at one another, their hands still in contact. Erwin withdrew his hand from below Levi’s first. He watched as Levi sat back down, he hadn't noticed him stand up at all. 

_____ _

Erwin could feel the burn of Levis fingertips as he dragged his hand away. It felt like a trace, _a phantom, scalding caress._

_____ _

They did not reach for the form again. 

_____ _

“If you are positive?” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“I said I was!” Levi answered, irritated at his choice being questioned. He stood up, adjusting the bandana over his nose and mouth with his left hand, his right hand felt numb and too hot, intent on finishing with the filthy window. 

_____ _

Levi ignored the feeling in his heart. _That vague trembling of stars._

_____ _

“Levi, you don't have to do that.” Erwin called out. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Yes, I do! Are those eyebrows of your obscuring your creepy eyes? Can you not see how filthy the windows are?” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“I don't mean that. No, I mean…yes.” Erwin’s wordsmith ways were a wreck. “The cleaning in general, I mean. You don't have to do it, Levi.” Erwin sighed. “I know I haven’t said anything...and I’m sorry I haven’t but you don’t have to keep on coming in to…to clean and tidy up after myself. It’s not right and it shouldn’t be you, to be the one to do it. I can do it on my own or I can have someone el---” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“If you don't want me in here...in your fucking office you can say so! You can just tell me to fuck off!!! I won’t fucking care if your office becomes a dump.” Levi snapped as he turned to Erwin, bracing himself for Erwin’s dismissal, the anger in his eyes hiding the hurt and humiliation. He felt wrung out.

_____ _

____

_____ _

_Erwin didn't trust him._

_____ _

____

_____ _

“No…” Erwin panicked. “It’s just...I am unused to this type of help and Levi...I feel...embarrassed that you are here cleaning, after myself. You should be resting after training or socializing with the other Scouts instead of in my office clea---” 

_____ _

__Oh._ _

_____ _

“I like cleaning.” Levi confessed in a tone entirely self-conscious. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Yes, yes I know.” and Erwin did, he really did. “I know you are fond of it.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

They were looking at each other and it was one time too many for the both of them. Levi turned around and reached for the rag and moved on the next window pane, pretending his ears weren't suddenly burning (again) and his hands weren’t shaking. He felt like a fumbling, fucking brat. He was almost done and then froze as he heard the chair slide back and footsteps heading toward the door and the door closing behind him. He furrowed his brow and attacked the task with new rigor, intent on not turning around. On not thinking about Erwin. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

It proved harder. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi let out a snort, irritated with himself. He was deluding himself if just because Erwin had not said anything against him staying in the Corps and had allowed him to finish the cleaning, in his office, without kicking him out, it did not mean that he tolerated Levi. It did not mean that he wanted Levi and his rude company. He would finish cleaning then and after...after Levi would not return to this office. His probation period was up after all, and even though he was still curious about the schemes and the business that Erwin conducted, it did not mean that Erwin would allow him to be a part of it. That was his choice to make and just as he had accepted Levi’s, Levi would do the same. He would not come back to this office and he would no longer intrude into Erwin Smith’s affairs. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He was collecting his cleaning supplies and the envelope from the desk (completely ignoring the transfer form) when the door was opening again. He looked back surprised because he was sure Erwin would not be returning so soon. That he would even want to. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Oh good, you are done.” He smiled as he set down a tray with a teapot and two cups on the middle table. “You are always bringing dinner and bandages when I, or the others miss it. I thought this might be a nice change.” he was sitting down on the armchair and was motioning for Levi to take a seat across from him, on the sofa. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Won't you join me? To celebrate your probation ending early and your decision to stay in the Legion.” He was pouring the tea. “There’s a clean towel for you to wipe your hands with.” 

_____ _

__A vague feeling of stars, trembling._ _

_____ _

Levi took it and did. He sat down and took the offered cup in his peculiar way and inhaled the scent of black tea. He sipped it carefully, aware that Erwin was watching him. There was a warmth, _stars trembling,_ building inside him at the intensity of those blue eyes. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Is it to your liking? I’m afraid I could not find any sugar or honey to sweeten it.” Erwin confessed, looking ashamed. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“It’s not bad."Levi told himself that he wasn’t assuring him. "I like my tea plain.” 

_____ _

His eyelashes were very pale as he looked up, blue eyes luminous. 

_____ _

“Oh. Alright.” and Levi watched, amused, as Erwin took a sip of his own. He grimaced, just as Levi thought he would. Erwin did not like black tea and much less plain, black tea. Levi had seen him stir spoonful’s of honey into chamomile tea whenever there had been some available. They spent a quiet and pleasant evening. At one point Levi had gotten up to clear away the tea, even though Erwin had insisted that he would do it. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi came back with a notebook, one he used to practice his manuscript in. He took a seat across from Erwin who was back at his desk, concentrated on the missed paperwork that had piled up in his absence. They worked in a calm silence and together they lit the fire place when it grew chillier in the office. They used some of the discarded paper and both pretended to ignore the form that no longer laid on the desk. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Hange and Mike came by later with some drinks and food and their congratulations to Levi. He asked Hange whether Moblit liked tea and they replied that it would be better to get him a set of artist pencils, confessing that they had misplaced his when they were in the midst of an experiment. Levi rolled his eyes at Hanges carelessness. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

It was already nearing midnight by the time Hange and Mike had retired to their own bedrooms. They left quietly, as to not wake Levi up, aware of how little he slept. Erwin stayed behind, grateful that his two friends had taken the empty bottles and plates with them. He continued working through the pile of remaining reports and documents, hoping that Levi would wake, embarrassed as he often did after falling asleep and threatening to burn his finished work once he saw that Erwin had stayed up to finish the remainder of it. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He did not wake. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

By the time Erwin looked up and stretched his arms high above his head, hearing the satisfied crack of his stiff back, Levi had laid down fully onto the sofa. Erwin watched him sleep from his desk feeling guilty. There wasn’t any doubt that Levi had stayed up late yesterday, waiting for him. He tilted his head, resting his cheek on his right hand and continued to gaze at Levi who had curled into himself. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

To Erwin, Levi’s resemblance to a cat was uncanny. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

It had been the first thought when he came back, late one night, to find Levi asleep on the sofa. He had made the mistake of rousing him (his neck was at such an angle that surely there would be a kink). Levi had woken up, startled and prepared to fight and Erwin who himself had not been expecting him to awaken so swiftly and alarmed, fell back. Years Underground had made him alert to danger and had quickened his reflexes. He had likely startled Levi, nevertheless, he was surprised to find Erwin laying with his behind to the floor, blue eyes wide and apologetic for being so careless and ignorant of Levi. Levi heard nothing as he looked at his bruised cheek and felt the stinging on his knuckles. He had swiftly punched Erwin. To hide his embarrassment, Levi had angrily demanded to know “why the fuck” Erwin (and Mike) had been so long? 

_____ _

____

_____ _

The next time he caught Levi asleep (as he waited for Erwin in his office once more) he covered him with his evening coat, gently as he could manage. Levi did not wake but when he saw him next, he had demanded to know whether Erwin ever washed it (he did) because “It stinks of disgusting sweat” and “Don't you ever fucking bathe? You are beginning to smell like Four-eyes.” Erwin had not been expecting for Levi to have washed it himself, he always took it to a cleaning service. When he told him that, Levi looked incredulous at him and called him “a lazy fuck.” By then, Erwin knew better than to take offense to Levi’s crude language and colorful insults but all the other times Erwin made sure to cover Levi with a blanket. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He purchased one on one of his Sina trips. It was a light blue-grey one, made of soft wool, recalling Hange mentioning that Levi had once commented that he liked the feel of that particular fabric. The first time Levi had fallen asleep and woken up to it, he had wondered where it came from and had taken a few extra minutes beneath it. He left it folded on the sofa unsure of who or where it belonged. He saw it next folded in the bookcase. He didn’t comment on it and neither did Erwin. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Erwin tucked the blanket gently around Levi who was exhaling soft sigh-like breaths. Levi moved abruptly, turning over and tucking his chin closer to his chest. Erwin stilled, breath held, as he waited to see whether Levi would awaken. His eyes widened as small fingertips pulled the blanket closer to their ears. Before Erwin left for his own room he stoked the fire adding a few more logs so that it would burn warm through the night. Frost had already settled on the window as he closed the door softly after him. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He had the ridiculous thought that perhaps he should purchase a pillow next. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

When morning came Levi stretched his arms high above, got up and folded the blanket, storing it in the glass bookcase. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Time passed, and everything, _everything_ changed. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi walked to his office with a box cradled in his arms. He fumbled as he opened the door. Inside everything remained the same. After Erwin had been promoted to Commander, his previous office passed to Levi. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

_“Because it was you that made it such a clean and organized one.” He had smiled, his blue eyes lighting up. “It’s only fair.”_

_____ _

____

_____ _

It was as if time had turned back to that time. Levi had kept everything the same way, the furniture, the desk, the sofa. There were even some of Erwin’s books still remaining in the glass bookcase; the ones Levi “borrowed” and never returned. On occasion, Levi would find Erwin in his office, sitting on the sofa, re-reading those books, something Levi found extremely useless, if he had already read them once. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

But Erwin insisted, that each and every time, he would find something new; an idea or a thought, a different perspective. Levi simply rolled his eyes at the smiling idiot. Erwin still never took those books back with him, to his own larger office, instead he placed them in the bookcase, and making sure not to smudge the glass (Levi had scolded him for leftover fingerprints, many a time). Levi felt no need to deny him entry, although, he was twice as strict with Erwin, given that his old office was now his. Erwin still allowed him entry to his Commanders office, although Levi had begun to knock before doing so, on account of their new titles. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

More importantly, Levi still (on occasion) fell asleep on the sofa, in the Commander’s office, the _his_ blanket wrapped around him. Erwin had never said anything against Levi following and making a new napping spot of the much newer sofa, would have surely voiced it. Levi had never found the need to ask. The (Levi’s) blanket found a new home in a drawer Erwin had (meticulously) cleaned. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

After Erwin died, Levi and Hange went through his books and packed the ones they would donate to the new library being built at the Queens request, just as his will had dictated, keeping some to themselves. Levi placed the box in the middle table of his office and took them out, one by one. He took out the matching cup and set it on his desk, next to its twin, he folded the white scarf, and placed in the bottom drawer of his desk. He placed the books in the glass bookcase along with his borrowed books and a wood carved figurine of a cat curled into itself. He had never noticed it before and he wondered why he had never asked Erwin whether he liked cats? There were a lot of things that he wished he had asked Erwin about. He pulled the pale blue-grey blanket last and he sat on the sofa with it on his lap. 

_____ _

He caressed it absentmindedly. In the past it had always brought him a sense of comfort...It no longer did. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi was vacantly staring at the light coming in from the window. There was no golden hair that the light could catch and turn fire and blaze.

_____ _

____

_____ _

He felt desensitized and too sensitive all at once. His hands were clutching the blanket in a white-knuckled grip and abruptly he let it go. His emotions misplaced. Except he didn’t know what to feel and who and where to direct those feelings at? 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He felt like a bird who had lost its intrinsic sense of direction. His wings were heavy yet they still functioned. And so what if they did? He was lost, continuously beating them to stay afloat in the vastness of the sky, of the world. He no longer knew what the “right choice” was. The one that he would least regret. Where was his guide? Which way was true north? There was no longer any safe place. There was no home to fly back to. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

How long would his wings keep beating? Soon they would tire and the white feathers, smeared in blood, would fall, and then Levi was sure he would plunge straight down to earth, to hell. There would be no one to catch and break his fall. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to fall straight down? To make the choice right now. To just stop beating his weary wings and fall, fall, fall. At least then the sight of endless blue, blue, blue sky would be the last thing he would see. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

_Levi, you’re the only one I can leave the Beast titan to._

_____ _

____

_____ _

The light caught for a moment and shone golden and Levi let out a noise, a sound between a moan and a sob. His breath hitched and there was a painful lump, a whimper, lodged in his throat. He breathed through his nose and exhaled through clenched teeth, shuddering at the sudden chill in the room. He looked down to the blanket on his lap and then commenced to unfold it. From the side of the arm of the sofa he took the sweater draped over it. It soft, knitted sweater, old and well worn with age. He wrapped it around his shoulders and leaning into the back of the sofa, tucking his legs close to his body. He pulled the blanket around and over his head, placed his hands on top of his knees and he pressed his chin to his cold, trembling hands. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He kept vigil through the night even though there wasn’t any need. 

_____ _

_He wasn't late. Would never apologize for having kept him up waiting. He would never come._

_____ _

Levi’s eyes never strayed from his desk. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He was waiting and waiting and waiting. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Eventually, his eyes grew heavy. The scent of chamomile and black tea and ink and books lulled him to sleep. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

_He_ never came back. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi kept waiting. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

waiting 

_____ _

____

_____ _

The seasons changed and passed. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

waiting 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“I will wait until I kill the Beast titan. Just like I promised you.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

waiting 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Some scents faded, some did not. Levi still wrapped himself with it, still slept in his office in that same sofa when no other place would do. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

_“Erwin...I’ll wait for you so….-”_

_____ _

____

_____ _

. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

_“You always end up in the same place.”_

_____ _

____

_____ _

. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

. 

_____ _

_"-please...wait for me."_

. 

. 

Levi woke up in a fog. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

It was always this way after he took the sleeping pills, after he experienced an episode. There was a heaviness to his body and for a brief illusion, induced moment he was back 11 years ago; a new and unwilling scout soldier surprised to find himself asleep, (ASLEEP!) in Erwin Smith's’ office. The first time he found himself there Levi had startled awake because reveille had sounded. It would be a first for him, to be awoken by it. Something fell to the floor with a heavy thump and the clinking of metal. It was his evening coat. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi stared uncomprehendingly at it. He felt a flush of heat creeping on the back of his neck. He was caught unaware and  < em>he had seen. It wasn’t the first time he had fallen asleep on the sofa in his office but...in each of those other occasions, Levi had awoken and left for his barracks long before reveille sounded. This time, he had not and that...unsettled him. All those years in the Underground and the many lessons that Kenny had drilled into him had simply ceased when Erwin was present…

_____ _

____

_____ _

There was a sense of humiliation, even though, Erwin had not particularly done anything to warrant such a response from Levi. It felt like he did. Like he had undermined or bested Levi in some way that Levi had yet to figure out. Maybe, it was because he had seen Levi in a vulnerable state and Levi’s instincts failed to perceive him as a threat. He questioned whether this life above ground was making him soft. Was he losing his edge and becoming complacent? The idea did not appeal to him. It would mean that his skills were eroding and outside the walls that meant death. It also meant that he was likely to stop being of any use to Er---the Scouts…

_____ _

____

_____ _

He plucked the coat from the ground. Erwin was gone today, once more, on another meeting. The coat was soft and Levi caught a whiff of the aftershave he might have used or cologne, he wasn’t positive. Levi himself did not use such things...there had never been any use or need for them. Smelling clean and of soap was enough for him. His coat smelled...nice, not bad at all 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi shoved the coat away from his face, horrified with his action and disgusted when he felt heat creep up his ears. He fooled himself into believing that it smelled of sweat and that was entirely the reason why he saw the need to wash it. He told himself that he wasn't disappointed once Erwin’s scent vanished and all that remained was the scent of Levi’s favored detergent. It smelled clean after all. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

_“You always end up in the same place.”_

_____ _

____

_____ _

His face was clean at least, his mind supplied. His body hurt more than it did yesterday he realized as the fog of induced sleep lifted. He grimaced when he realized the foul taste of his mouth. He did not want to get up yet and he burrowed into the warmth of the blanket. He peeked through lashes in the direction of the desk. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Erwin was arranging two cups on it. One each, for the both of them. Sunlight was streaming through the window and his golden head was ablaze. Levi smelled chamomile and heard the sound of the spoon stirring, occasionally hitting the sides of the cup. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Honey, he thought, smelling the sticky sweet scent in the air. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Levi, wake up. You promised. You promised to kill me.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

What? 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“You said. “With these two hands I will kill you Erwin Smith.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

What…? 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“You promised them and Lobov.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

No you're wrong...I would never...how...how...how do you know? 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Erwin turned around and Levi took a shuddering gasp. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

It was wrong. It was all wrong. Erwin was raising his cup to his mouth. The overwhelming smell of sweet honey and chamomile nearly gagged Levi. As he took a drink of the tea, blood, muddy and crimson, rolled down the side of his head. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi was petrified on the sofa, unable to look away. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Erwin was raising the cup to his mouth again when he coughed as if he had choked and then...more blood dribbling from the corners of his lips. Levi watched as his blue eyes widened and then...then the cup...his entire right arm came away. It was as if it was snatched, bitten off suddenly, unexpectedly. There was a spray of blood on the walls and window as Erwin’s arm landed heavily on the floor, the cup shattering on impact, its contents spreading. The scent of honey and chamomile and blood, nauseating. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi could not move. He was horrified. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

There was the smell of burnt flesh and he watched the burns appear on Erwin pants, the smoke rising from it. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

What’s happening? 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Erwin, Levi tried to speak. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

There was something tightening around Erwin’s neck and he was clawing desperately at it...and Levi was horrified to see that it was his Commanders bolo tie. That it was choking him, killing him. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi was breathing hard but there was no air and there was something heavy on his chest, squeezing him from behind. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Levi.” the blood, bubbled and burst on his lips. Levi went still. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

There was so much blood. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

When had that happened? 

_____ _

____

_____ _

There was the sound of galloping horses, of fired smoke signals, of final screams, of falling rock. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Oh.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Erwin was looking to his side, his left hand descending to try and stop the blood, the organs from spilling out. It was impossible, they fell to the floor in loud, wet slaps, the blood a continuing gush of crimson spreading everywhere, saturating the rug. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Oh, God. No. No! 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Levi,” His voice bubbled and warbled. “Levi. Did you do it? Did you kill the Beast titan? Did you keep your promise?” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Yes...Yes!!! I killed him Erwin. I kept my promise. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Erwin was looking to Levi, his eyes intense, accusing. Then he turned to the window splattered and still dripping with his blood and pointed with his left hand. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Liar!” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

And Levi tried to deny it because he had! He killed the Beast titan! 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Liar.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

No! I did, I di--- 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Liar.” Erwin continued to look at the window and then Levi saw him. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

The Beast titan. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He was right by the window, smiling as he looked through the blood covered glass. His gleaming yellow eyes looking at Erwin. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi’s breath was choking. Denial on his tongue...but...how?! How!! He KILLED him! 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Liar.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi tried to call out. Tried to get Erwin to move as the Beast titan smashed through the window and reached with his great, harry hand for him. For Erwin. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

NO! NO! NO! Get AWAY FROM HIM!!! YOu can't have him! I won’t let you!!! 

_____ _

____

_____ _

And Levi was finally able to get up but he slipped on the bloodied floor. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Liar.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“You promised to kill him.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Liar.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“You promised to kill me.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Liar.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“You promised to set me free from this hell!” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

No, please please...I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi watched as the Beast titan gazed at Erwin. A gaze full of bloodlust. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“What a handsome man you are Commander.” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

The Beast squeezed and Erwin could not cry out, but Levi saw the blood bursting and bubbling on his lips...until his head was ripped off, popping and bursting with jets of blood that coated the Beast titans’ smiling face and fur. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Erwin’s severed head landed right next to Levi who still lay on the bloodied floor. His blues were open and Levi was gasping urgently for air, trembling and sobbing. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

It smelled of chamomile, of honey, of blood. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi woke up gasping, the smell (chamomile, honey, blood) leaving him gagging and vomiting sour, stomach acid into the bin Hange had left by side of the sofa. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He dry heaved for what seemed like hours, clutching the bucket intensely, gasping; tears and snot and saliva covering his face once more. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi took deep, ragged breaths doing his best to control the images flashing through his mind. He kept telling himself. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

“Nightmare...only a nightmare…” 

_____ _

____

_____ _

When he felt his heart and breathing return to normal he placed the bucket far away from him. He looked for some water to rinse his mouth. The glass Hange had left was on the desk. He rinsed thrice before he was satisfied that the sour taste had vanished from his mouth. He found a handkerchief that he soaked with the remaining water and wiped his face. He threw it in the bucket, grimacing in disgust. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Mind no longer plagued by nausea and drowsiness or vivid nightmare, he took in the room he was in. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

_“You always end up in the same place.”_

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi heard Hange’s voice echoing amongst the drowning numbness of his head. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

His office. He always wondered back here whenever he experienced an episode, whenever sleep was elusive. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

His thoughts went to the blanket and he was glad, he, in his haste to reach the bucket, threw it far from him. He reached for it, picking it up gentle as always. Tender, careful. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

The office was dark. He could hear nothing of the storm. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He wondered how late it was, how early? 

_____ _

____

_____ _

The adrenaline from the nightmare had left his body cold and numb and so very exhausted. He was aware of the aches and pains in his body. Pain he felt he deserved. It was only a nightmare. Just a nightmare, but… 

_____ _

____

_____ _

_“You promised to set me free.”_

_____ _

____

_____ _

Levi had failed Erwin. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

Erwin was alive. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

He had let Zeke capture Erwin. He had let Zeke torture Erwin. Had let him kill him right in front of him and had done nothing, twice. 

_____ _

____

_____ _

His heart thudded violently in his chest, his head aching. 

_____ _

____

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He had not wanted to believe. Had not wanted to put any stock into what Zeke had implied, what Hange had said. What he had seen. He could explain away Zeke mocking and baiting him. Could explain that he was so fatigued, so tired from his battle that he was seeing things afterwards. That, even as he looked at Erwin, with too long hair and an un-kept beard, he was still an illusion. He had not looked away sure, so sure, that he would awaken and all of the events would just be a dream or a nightmare. He wasn’t sure which would be better.

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But Erwin had not disappeared from that bed and Levi had not awaken. 

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As he stood before the slumbering Erwin, unblinking, taking in every question, assumptions, explanations that Hange, Rico, and Jean came up with, he felt a whiplash to his very heart, to his soul. The scrapes of nails, of teeth, he knew not where, only that it was somewhere deep inside that had remained searing and bleeding and now was shredded. He could not process anything because _he could not_. All those possibilities so terrible, so heavy a burden, threatened to squeeze the air from his lungs. 

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He ran away from that room. From any and everything that was real. From Erwin. 

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He hoped that his path through the darkness would lead to a light, to some semblance of it all being an illusion and he would wake and everything would just be a terrible and beautiful lie. One last cruel dream-like-nightmare. But he awoke and it was not. 

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It was impossible to deny it any longer. 

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Erwin was laying on that bed, breathing… _alive._

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The significance of that, _terrified_ Levi. He could be an enemy, one that wore the familiar face of a…friend. Or what if he were a new titan? Cooked up in the Marley labs, just as the Ackermans had been. 

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Levi let out a derisive laugh. 

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The Ackermans, a family so very cursed. A family of harbingers, permeating misery and death to anyone who they got close to. So damn strong, so fucking weak. How could they be considered “warriors,” “guardians,” “Humanity’s Strongest” when they could do nothing to protect the people they loved and cared for. All they seemed capable of doing was killing. The perfect monsters created for that very task. 

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Erwin might not wake up and of he did he might be so damaged by whatever he had experienced that he might as well be dead. Levi had seen people survive horrendous things in the Underground, above ground, beyond the walls; rape and murder and unspeakable violence. They were alive but, so very damaged that they were left raving lunatics and living corpses, hollowed out and wide-eyed. In the end they always took their own life unable to bear their experienced horrors. 

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That thought that Erwin would wake: hollowed blue eyes, a husk of the man Levi had known to be, made something deep within him brittle and break. He never wanted to see Erwin as he had seen him in Shinganshina. So full of anguish and pain and guilt. Of self-loathing. 

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Levi clutched the blanket to him afraid of what still awaited him beyond the confines of his office. He took a deep breath steeling himself for whatever was to come. He left the blanket folded in the glass bookcase and made his way out. The bucket, he would empty out before anyone would see just as he had always done. The hallway was cold and dark and so quiet. 

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The throbbing in his body distracted him from his pulsing heart. He could not forget what the dream Erwin had said to him as he died before him in a wreck of crimson blood, accusations bursting, bubbling, and staining his lips. He shuddered once more. 

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The communal baths were empty as he stepped out from his trousers, his shirt he had discarded along with the vomit stained handkerchief into the open fire that heated the bath water. He turned the knobs cold all the way, seeking relief for his sore body. Cleansing had always left him calm and more clear-headed. It was what he needed if he were to face Erwin and the ramifications of the choice he had made on the rooftop. 

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He watched tinted water drain away, disgusted at its presence on him. His mouth he had brushed so roughly that his gums bled. The thought suddenly occurred to him that he had not brought any change of clothes with him. Everything was back in his room…

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“Fuck.” he uttered tiredly. 

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He had forgotten about the shattered window and...that box. 

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He stayed under the cold water eyes closed, breathing deeply despite the pain of his ribs. He took one final breath, turned the knob and stood up as straight as he could with his throbbing leg and that’s when he heard it. 

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The bells tolling in the distance. 

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Levi turned his head abruptly to the exit, adrenaline pumping through him. 

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“Fuck!” 

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He got out from the shower and toweled off quickly and had little choice but to put the same pants he had worn on. He forwent the shirt. He gritted his teeth and made his way out with a towel around his shoulders. There were soldiers coming out of their barracks, sleep addled, but tense as they made their way to the mess hall. Levi called on the first one he saw and ordered them to bring him a spare uniform and gear from his quarters and into his office, explicitly telling them not to touch anything else. 

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He saw Kirstein arriving from the gates, wearing a rumpled uniform. 

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They met halfway and Levi motioned for Jean to follow him to his office. 

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“What the fuck’s going on?” Levi asked, tossing the towel on the chair as Jean closed the door to his office. 

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“I don't know. I just was making my way over when the signal went off and then the bells.” 

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Levi scowled at the useless information, already re-bandaging his broken fingers and popping a pain killer, as he turned to look at Jean. 

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In these 5 years Jean had grown to become a valuable and even dependable Second Command Leader. Levi would never say it though especially after he had the misfortune of seeing Mikasa come out from Kirstein quarters early one morning, 2 years ago. 

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Although neither of the Ackerman’s were particularly close he still felt somewhat responsible for the girl, whatever familial connection they might share. Naturally they were both stoic people and quite unwilling to share their private lives. Levi had no doubt that Mikasa was someone who knew what they wanted and valued herself as such, whatever, had occurred or not, between her and Kirstein, she had willingly consented to. He could see it by the way she walked out, gaze unwavering, as she saw him. 

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Even so, when he passed Kirstein alone, much later in the day, he took the time to remind him, that should he hear anything untoward happened to her he would personally deal with him. The message was clear by the look on Jean’s pale face. He had looked back at the Captain and nodded that he understood the message. That was as far as Levi came to interfering or even paying any attention to their amorous relationships. 

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Nothing had come off whatever he had witnessed. He heard from the Connie and Sasha, loud as they were, that Jean was with someone else, a girl from his hometown. Mikasa had not seemed to mind and their way of interacting had not changed (although Jean had stopped looking at her with such a star struck look). As long as their personal matters didn't affect the Survey Corp and their teamwork it was all fine. 

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There was knock on the door just as Levi finished with his leg. Jean took the uniform from the soldier and set it down near Levi. He helped him with the bandages around his torso before leaving so that Levi could change in private.

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The bells had stopped tolling as Jean finished changing himself. He couldn't help but be relieved that the Captain seemed much more himself and in control despite the bruises that covered his body. He wondered if _he_ had awaken as he headed to the mess hall. 

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. 

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. 

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“What the fuck is happening Smith?!! Rico demanded hysterically. “What the fuck did you do to Jaeger? What the hell are you planning you bastard?” 

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Erwin was on his knees, the chains pulling on him taut with tension. The yank to the one on his neck bruising. It was foggy and for all he knew, it was late morning already. He tried to tilt his head forward, so that he could look at Rico and Hange. 

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“There are titas just outside Aldebaran District as I said. Don't be alarmed though they aren’t a threat. They are waiting for me---” 

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“Waiting---” 

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“Erwin,” Hange who has stood back observing, finally spoke, “How do you know? And Why?” 

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“I...it is difficult to explain and you won’t believe me unless you see it for yourselves.” he confessed. “But, they are not the ones you should be worried about. There are the other titans, the mindless ones that were turned and set loose by Zeke’s followers when the battle commenced. They are a threat to the ones waiting outside. The ones waiting just beyond wall Maria are like the one Ilse Langnar encountered and wrote about in her journal.” Hange’s eye widened. 

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“You expect us to believe that? Before Zeke and Marley attacked, we got rid of all the titans on Paradis---” 

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“No, you didn't.” Erwin contradicted calmly. “Have you mapped out everything, explored all of the island for yourselves? Or did Eren and Zeke assure you of this?” 

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Hange and Rico gapped faces draining as they realized the truth of that statement. To the sides Reiner and Pieck were watching everything unfold in a slow series of realizations. 

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“They were hiding.” 

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“Yes,” Erwin confirmed Piecks statement. “In the same place I woke up after the battle of Maria and Shinganshina.” He watched as they looked to each other. “It’s a mountain range to the Southeast. Nearly impenetrable with the chasm surrounding it. There are a series of underground tunnels that run beneath and through it. That is where they were hiding.” 

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“Why are they only showing themselves to us now?” Hange asked curious to hear Erwin’s answer. 

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“Because Zeke is dead.” 

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“So they were hiding from him? Why?” 

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“They were. There was a woman with them.” Piecks eyes widened trying to draw closer to look at Erwin face for signs of lies. “I am not sure what became of her. I left you see…” He looked considering something. “But...that can wait for later. These titans outside the wall are not harmful to us. They are more in control and very much as human as you or I, despite their appearance. That’s why we need to get there before the other titans stir. Going by horse and carriage would take too long and---” 

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“My cart-titan would get there faster.” Pieck came to the conclusion, understanding the reasoning behind the blonde man’s request. 

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“Yes.” 

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Hange turned to Rico. They could see that Rico was considering, weighing the facts that they had and putting things together with what they now knew. Hange turned to look at Erwin. He was quiet, docile as he waited for their verdict. Hange could see, though, that he already knew what it would be considering the stakes. Especially with what he could provide them with. Answers. 

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Answers to questions that he alone knew. As usual Erwin held all the cards. 

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“Erwin if we go to the wall to meet with these titans how many can we expect?” 

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A test. 

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Erwin turned to Hange, eyes confident as he replied. 

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“20.” 

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“You know them. That must mean you can communicate with them. How?” 

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“With some they can use their vocal chords, just as Ilse explained, but most of them cannot use them and so communication is through a series of hand gestures and signals. The language used for the deaf and blind.” 

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Hange’s brain was alight with possibility. To communicate with titans, titans that could speak, that had learned sign language, it was everything they had ever dreamed off! Rico on their side was deep in thought, the guards holding the ends of the chains tense and waiting for a decision, and order to obey. Erwin was looking at them, waiting. 

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“Rico, there is no other choice.” 

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“I know that, Dammit!” 

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Hange turned to face the woman called Pieck. Could see the intelligence in her eyes, something Hange knew quite well. Things were starting to come together. “That woman” was, after all, not a phantom. They needed answers urgently. The situation they were in was precarious. There were still recuperating from a battle, their numbers were stacked against them despite the unexpected cease-fire between Marley and Paradis. The Hizuru women was still out there, an unknown, but very real threat. There was also the case of Zeke’s followers. A patrol had been established through the night aimed at locating them. Pixis was sure that there were some still inside the Walls waiting to take action at any moment. 

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“Pieck and Reiner you both agree to this? Will you let us use your Cart titan form?” 

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“Yes.” Pieck said unhesitatingly. Reiner for his part took longer time to reply. 

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“Provided we get a chance to see Gabi and Falco.” 

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“That can be arranged afterwards. They are safe.” Hange assured. 

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“How do we go about doing this then?” Rico questioned. 

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“You have a way to communicate with the Soldiers stationed at Wall Maria don't you?” Erwin asked. “Relay a message to hold until we are able to get there. In the meantime you can prepare a team of reliable soldiers that can accompany us on horse. They likely won’t be able to keep up but you will find it easier to believe what I am saying if they come with. How many people can you carry in your titan form?” 

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“I can definitely carry you all and with Reiner we can probably manage one other group of 5. The thing is I need a cart to be able to carry you.” 

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“We have one prepared.” Hange confided. “We had hoped to acquire the Cart titan and had one built if that were to happen.” 

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“Then it’s settled.” 

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“No, it’s not.” Rico spoke. “You are all forgetting that by now all of the people will have heard the emergency bells ringing and are likely in a panic. What will tell them? Not to mention Pixis and the other military branch leaders.” 

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“The truth, we tell them the truth.” Hange replied assured in their decision. “To an extent of course.” 

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. 

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. 

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When Jean made his way to the mess hall it was overcrowded with soldiers from all three branches tense and grim as they awaited orders. He found a seat near the front. The crowd making way for him, recognizing his rank. The Commander was not yet present and he wondered if anything had happened with the other Commander. He doubted it. That would been pandemonium, and in any case if he had awaken Jean was sure Hange would have been more discreet about the news. 

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He didn’t spot Armin or Mikasa and was grateful for it. They would without a doubt would have questioned him about him not returning as he said he would. He saw Captain Levi though, leaning against the wall in the back. He was giving off a dark aura and everybody was well aware to keep their distance. His chin was tucked close to their chest and long black strands were obscuring his face. He saw Squad Leader Rico approach the Captain from the side. She seemed to be whispering something to him and then they left together, just as Jean turned back to the front awaiting the Commander.

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The door on the side burst open and Hange walked up on stage, the soldiers immediately tensing and straightening themselves. From where he was standing Jean could see that the Commander was tired but- and this surprised him- there was a bounce to their step and assurance that they had lacked the night before. He was wondered if…? 

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“I sincerely hope most of you managed to get some rest and had time to tend to your injuries. By now you have all been briefed by your respective squad leaders as to the situation concerning the battle and its outcomes. We as of this moment are no longer in a direct war against Marley. The enemy as of now is those who followed Zeke, the Beast titan. The other is presumably the Hizuru Ambassador whose motives remain unknown as is their threat level. A threat is a threat however and remember this. We have suffered damages and losses and this would be the perfect opportunity for an enemy to strike. 

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I want you all to get your gear inspected and readied. We don't know when the enemy will strike but we have gained new allies. The emergency signal just now, was them.” Hange confessed, “We will be heading toward Aldebaran District to meet up with them and as a show of good faith the Armored and Cart Titan will be accompanying us.” The crowd became restless and unsettled at the unexpected news. “Eren is still not fully recovered but Armin will be coming with us.” They quieted at that. “I understand that much has happened and that, to suddenly welcome those we considered an enemy is jarring but this, _we_ are the Scouting Legion and we have always learned to adapt to any unknown situations.” 

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Hange let that message, the reminder, of who they were, sink before proceeding. 

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“I need the Squad Leaders from all 3 branches that are yet not in the meeting room there now. I will discuss this further there. We have little time to lose. The fog may be helping out our allies but the mindless titans that remain outside the walls won’t be inactive for long. Go about your business until your Squad Leaders get back to let you know more. Thank you.” 

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The Commander swiftly left the stage with a quick salute, the others scrambling to return it. Jean and the other Squad Leaders followed after the Commander, hurrying to catch up with their quick strides. The meeting room was filled with the others when they arrived. Hange quickly took the center, already there was a map laid down on the table. When the others tried to ask them what was happening they completely ignore them until everyone was inside and the door was closing with a resounding slam. 

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Hange outlined the plan as the others listened on. 

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“I said everything that I could but right now we have to get to Maria. We can get there faster if we ride on the Cart titan. Rico and a squad has are already outfitted the cart we had built for the Cart titan onto the wagons. Once we reach Rose Reiner and Pieck will transform. This way we can avoid giving anyone a shock. Rico will brief Captain Levi and together they will brief Pixis and the arriving Military Heads from Sina. “

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“I need you to brief your own squads and get prepared for later, once we are done here. There is no way that whatever remains of Zeke’s followers and the Hizuru clan won’t attempt to strike at any time. Especially after the battle from yesterday. Inventory has already been taken and you can find a list of our current supplies from that department head. Make do with what we have until the department officers come back from the suppliers. We have no choice at this point.” 

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”I will ride along with the others on the Cart Titan. Reiner can carry a squad of his own on his shoulders. Jean, I want you to lead that squad.” He nodded. “Armin, I want you to go with them and Mikasa will ride with us on the Cart titan. I want three Squads to come with us on horseback. Those three won’t be coming all the way to Aldebaran but will wait for us halfway, at the old Survey Outpost. Once we meet up with the Scouts stationed at Aldebaran we will come back to it with our new allies.” 

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“I’ve had word that Commander Nile is awake and will be getting here by noon. We all should be arriving back by then and with everyone present we will go over everything. It needs to happen with everyone present so that we can decide how to go about all that has happened. By then Eren should be sufficiently recuperated as well. Only after everything has been put out on the table will we truly know what to plan for. It’s been a long night and it’s going to be a long day.” 

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There was wave of tired but readied acknowledgement before everyone but, for the Squad Leaders Hange had specifically called on to remain behind, dispersed. The three squads that would be joining them on this sudden mission. 

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“We will be meeting at the Southern grounds. The Garrison already knows to expect us so be quick about getting ready we have no time to waste. All of you are smart enough to know how quickly we need to adapt to what we are doing. Another thing is that once we step outside there is to be a gag order set in place I expect everything to be followed just as I say.” Hange eye was dead serious. “Don’t be completely surprised by what awaits us once we reach the Southern grounds and especially once we get to Maria. Now go!” 

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Jean gave a look to Hange and was on the verge of asking them about the 13th Commander before Hange shook their head and mouthed “Later.” 

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It took a short amount of time before they made their way to the grounds. From the distance they could see that the wagon carrying the cart was long gone as were the three Squads that would wait for them halfway. Both wagons were covered for what Jean assumed was to keep Reiner and Pieck anonymous. The Commander was waiting for them motioning for Mikasa to get in the wagon and Jean was sure he saw her tense up before entering. He assumed she had seen Pieck. 

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He spotted Reiner and there was stiff nod from him before Reiner climbed up onto the second wagon, and then two of Jeans Squad members followed. Armin went last as Jean would ride on horse with his squad. 

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They set off as soon as Hange got on. 

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“Don't ask any question until later and don't be alarmed. This is a gag order in affect.” the Commander said to Mikasa as they took a seat next to her. 

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Mikasa nodded relaxing but senses on alert as her dark gaze remained directly on Erwin Smith. 

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He was seated in between two guards. In the end they had chosen for him to remain shackled with a single chain holding both their hands and feet in place. He nodded to Mikasa though he still wore a muzzle over his face. She couldn’t help but think of Captain Levi and his absence, wondering if it was a deliberate move from the Commander. That his absence was not just as simply explained due to the extent of his injuries. 

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Jean must have known she concluded. It explained his absence yesterday night and the odd look shared between him and the Commander in the meeting room. There was no time to think of that now though. As Commander Hange had said that could wait after whatever this was. 

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She looked at the thunder spears held in the laps of the two guards and the chains held in their grasps. _Danger_ her mind told her. This man, Erwin Smith, was dangerous. If and when necessary she would kill him, despite the twisting she felt when she thought of Captain Levi. She had seen the desolation in his eyes after the rooftop in Shinganshina but that was then...and this was now. 

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This man was a potential danger that had come back from the dead. Her role was to eliminate danger and so, if whatever this was, led to such a case she would eliminate and kill this Erwin Smith. She would accept the consequences from _him_ because she was sure that there would be some from later. Because she was sure that, despite their unacknowledged familial bond, the way they thought was the same. Especially when it came to the few people they cared about. 

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When they got to the gate the Garrison had the gate already opened, the others must have just gone through. As soon as they made it past Reiner and Peck got out from the wagon and transformed. Reiner went on ahead as soon as Jean’s squad and Armin were on him. The others remained to help outfit the cart onto Pieck’s titan form before they too set out. They passed the three teams that had gone ahead in no time and before they knew it they were deep in Maria territory. 

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From where Mikasa was sitting she could see the previous commander trying to get a look at it. He must have felt the same way as she when they returned to Shinganshina for the first time. 

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The fog was slowly dispersing and they passed the halfway point of the Survey Post. 

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“Hange the fog has begun to lift considerably.” 

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“I know the clouds remain hopefully that will be enough.” 

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There was something that Commander Hange had kept to themselves. Something that had to do with why _he_ was coming as well Mikasa concluded. 

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Once Aldebaran district was in sight they became quiet and tense. Waiting with baited breath at the unknown and unexpected ally. There were already soldiers waiting on the base of entrance to the district. They tensed when they saw the Cart titan approach (the Armored was just distance behind them) and only drew their weapons down when they saw who was on top of it. The gate was opened and they quickly made their way to the outer gate of the outlier district. There, more soldiers were milling about tense and waiting for what they had hoped would be reinforcements. 

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At the bottom of of the entrance they were met by a Scout, a young female who was pale and on the verge of turning green when she made out the Cart titan. Her male counterpart was next to her looking very much the same. They saluted the Commander as Hange made their way down from the titan and reported what they had seen. 

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A five meter titan had knocked on the wall, the same way a human would, to be let in. Hange could tell by the way they shuddered that it had shaken them. 

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“Its gone back now, with the other one hiding just beyond the woods.” 

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“Have they made any motions that you would consider a threat?” 

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“No, they are just waiting.” 

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Hange was thoughtful as they listened taking in everything from before and now. Titans that could help them and would help them, according to Erwin. 

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The lift had already been lowered just as Reiner reached them with Kirstein’s Squad in toll. The Cart titan was leaning close the ground so that the two guards and Erwin would be able to get off and make their way to the lift. The others were already launching themselves with their hooks up to the wall. All the Scouts, save for the survivors from that day, were new and so they did not react much to the man they brought in chains. Besides that the gag order was still in affect. 

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“You have got be shitting me!” 

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“‘Fraid not Kirstein.” 

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“So these are the allies...the fuck!” 

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For nearly all of them this was fucking unimaginable. Titan allies. _mindless_ titan allies. The lift finally made its way up and Erwin was led and held just that he could see the entrance to the woods. At Jean’s side Armin tensed up, eyes round as he looked to the previous Commander. He gulped and tried to make his shock disappear so that the others would not suspect anything. 

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‘I’m here. Is everyone okay?’ 

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‘I fear that some are getting a bit claustrophobic.’ 

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“Commander Hange. You have to open the gates.” Erwin called out to the Commander as the other Scouts looked in surprise at the consideration on their Commanders face. Who was this person to make such a forward request and for the Commander to consider that request they of course could not help to speculate? 

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“Open the gates holy F---” Jean was apoplectic. 

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“Erwin are you sure?” 

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“Yes. Once you are ready you can fire off a green flare. They know what it means.” 

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There was a hesitation in Hange’s eye as they considered the request. They could feel the weight of the others, of the decision that they would make. Fuck. Taking a deep breath the 14th Commander turned to look to the woods trying to make out the titans hidden behind the trees.. 

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“Armin, I want you on the ground on the inside with Pieck and Reiner on the outside of the wall.” the 14 Commander looked to the titan shifters. “Be ready to change if anything happens and everyone split up evenly on the inside and outside. I want the Scouts stationed to remain on the wall an the wall with the canons ready.” They nodded back before saluting. “Erwin, you know I trust you” Hange said looking out once more to the woods beyond Maria. “but it’s been a long time.” 

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Their gazes met. Time seemed to stretch beyond and between them. 

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“I know.” _Don't doubt yourself_ his eyes seemed to say. 

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They were the 13th and 14th Commander of the Scouting Legion. They led a vastly different Scouting Legion, whose jobs and duties and _goals_ had shifted from five years ago. Their unique experiences as leaders had forged anew the wings behind their backs. Time and circumstance had seen to that. 

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Erwin had chosen a worthy successor. He was certain of that. And as he saw the strength and determination behind Hange’s back, the wings of freedom looked something fierce. He grinned behind the muzzle, glad to see someone they admired and loved dearly, settle into a post that, although unwanted, had helped them grow as a leader and as person.

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As he waited for the lift that would bring him, his guards and Commander Hange to the bottom of the outside of the wall, he couldn’t help but look at the new Scouts and the old Scouts. He was immensely glad that they had survived the battle of Shinganshina relatively unscathed. How those children had grown into such capable and experienced veterans. He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of remorse at not being able to see them blossom. As someone who had been in the Scout for most of their life watching new cadets really come into their role as Scouts had been one of the best parts. Erwin had seen the beginning, back then, of the 104 cadet class and was glad he was able to get to know them. If only for a little while. 

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Hange waited until everyone was in position before swinging down to where Erwin and his guards waited. Before the gate would open Erwin would be the first one the titans would see, Hange just in front, at his side, and the two guards behind. 

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Commander Hange fired off the green flare and then they waited. 

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The instant the flare was fired the tension spiked and the waiting stretched endlessly until the rustling and movement of the tree branches reached their ears. The titans emerging at last. 

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The titans made their way to the entrance of the gate. Erwin felt the slightest of pulls on the chain around his neck, the glints of drawn blades of the soldiers dangling from the walls. Could feel and see the hesitation from Nellie and the titans at the scouts dangling from the wall. 

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These were people that were trained and well versed in the killing of titans. It was unnatural of them to wait as titans neared closer to them and have to hold their bloodlust in check. It went against everything that they had ever known or been taught stuck in that cage of mortar and stone, for one of the first things that Scouts realized after coming back from and expedition, was that, the cage that held was neider gilded or gold. 

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Nellie was 3 meters away and despite the muzzle, that was still around Erwin’s face, he couldn’t help smiling. It had been a long time and it felt good to see that, despite his capture, not everything had fallen apart. That the mission was still in place, that once again all their losses had not been for nothing. 

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“Nellie it has been a long time.” Erwin spoke first. “I am glad to see that you are well.” 

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“I am glad that you appear to be well yourself.” 

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To his left peripheral vision Erwin could see Hange shaking at Nellie echoing voice. 

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“This is the Commander of the Survey Corps, Hange Zoe.” He motioned to his side, the chains at his wrist rattling with his movement. 

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Nellie moved her face to them, her eyes wide and glass-like. 

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“I have heard many things from Erwin about you Commander.” Hange breathed deeply. “It is good to finally meet you and thank you for coming to greet us on such short notice. Thank you for trusting us and thank you for believing in Erwin.” 

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“I…” Hange took a deep breath and straightened themselves. “Thank you for waiting so patiently for us. There is much that needs to be discussed and I take it you must be tired because of your journey.” 

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_“We_ are fine, but I’m afraid our precious cargo might be stiff after so much time spent in such an enclosed space.” And she seemed to gesture to the cart strapped to her back. “It would be best if they could be let out soon.” She turned her gaze to Erwin this time. 

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Erwin, understanding the meaning, looked to Hange deferring to their command. 

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Hange gave the command firing another green flare. At once the soldiers manning the gate began to lift it open. Hange stepped to the side as one by one the titans entered through the gate in silence. Some greeted Erwin and others nodded and Hange simply watched in glee. Hange felt a deep sense of sadness at that familiar glee. It had been a long time since Hange felt that sense of adventure and curiosity re-kindled within them. 

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Long before the title of Survey Corp Commander fell to them, they were a scientist. A child of immense curiosity who wanted to learn how things worked; in pursuit of truths and knowledge that few people would ever endeavor to discover. None more challenging than the titans. 

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Titans. Beings that hunted and devoured in a form unequivocally familiar. A form which was a distorted reflection on a mirrors surface. 

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Since they were a child listening to the scratching just beyond the wall, imagining those monsters, and in a child’s mind, thinking that they just wanted to play. Later, there came anger, cold and coarse, as it over-rode all other senses because the titans themselves were the limit. The insurmountable wall that would not allow Hange the freedom to explore and expand their knowledge the way they dreamed off by joining the Scouts. 

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It would be many expeditions more before Hange would overcome her hatred of them. 

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They had gotten closer and now, as Hange watched them enter through the gate, they felt those long ago answers, were well within their hands. 

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Above, the Scouts standing and those hanging from the wall, were rightfully frightened and stunned by the sight of so many titans being let into Maria. Especially when each one was carrying a cart strapped onto their backs with barrels secured on them. They all knew the details of the fight 5 years ago and couldn’t help but think of the Colossal titan shifter hidden in one such barrel. 

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On the inside, the titans below them remained still. Unmoving, as they waited, doing their best to appear harmless as they lined up, one by one, in a row. The three titan shifters before them looked very young and curious as they relaxed their tense limbs. The long journey had not been hard but the tension that had build up as they waited, hoping, praying that they would be let in soon. That Erwin would hear their call and arrive had left them mentally exhausted. 

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Nellie thought of the people hidden in the barrels of Laras and Lottie, and was glad that they would be able to get out soon. She thought of Erwin. It had been nearly 2 years since his capture and 3 since he had departed Paradis for Japan. If it weren’t for his eyes and the link they shared, he would be unrecognizable. He looked on the verge of collapse. The link they shared was still new and she felt his thoughts bleed into her. The pain and horror buried beneath his calm veneer. 

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The arm that had regrown back was the confirmation of the many rumors heard from spies they had sent to Marley. She wondered how far they got with Icarus? If they had been able to achieve their objectives? If they had been successful with the original goals intended for that Military task. Those files that they hadn’t been able to get rid off had caused a lot of problems for the whole of this mission. Nellie only hoped that they were now entirely aware of them and would not need to be expecting any other unforeseen roadblocks. 

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She tilted her head up. In the distance she saw a sudden flock of birds take off into the sky on the other side of the wall. Her shoulders tensed, she felt the tremors before the red flare was fired. It bloomed in the sky and even now, after so many years, that color was synonymous to blood and gore, and terror. 

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_With neverending nightmares._

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“Titans sighted and approaching from the left!” 

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Another flare was fired in the sky. 

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“Titans coming in fast on the right!” 

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Commander Hange cursed under their breath. There were still about half of the titans that needed to get through the gate. They were both close enough that Erwin and his guards could feel the tremors. They looked as Hange took a deep breath and fire of their grappling hook to the wall. 

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“Move Faster!!!” they called out to the remaining titans as they looked to the Squads hanging from the wall. “Wait until the titans are in sight before engaging. The cannons will take care to slow them down. Don’t aim to kill just to incapacitate so that all of our titan friends get in without a hitch.” There was a chorus of “yes!” 

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Hange moved to the top of the wall and directed the others to the cannons lined up on the walls. If they proved a problem there were three titan shifter that they could use. 

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The cannons on the right fired off first and then the ones on the left. Below ground the friendly titans were moving faster trying to keep their calm as they heard the noise of the canons. Erwin could see some of the younger titans getting nervous as the Scouts on both sides began to propel themselves to either side of the titans approach. 

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‘Calm. Its okay.’ 

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There were five remaining outside. 

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On the left side, there was a scream as a titan appeared from the mass of steam, moving in quick, evasive movements. It stopped and then seemed to self-destruct before a cloud of steam overtook Jeans Squad. 

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“Fuck! Get the fuck away from the steam! Move. Move!” 

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The two scouts guarding Erwin fidgeted at his side at the sudden dangerous turn of the mission. The ground trembled again and from the steam cloud a titans was approaching at an agile speed. 

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Hange called the orders before Erwin could. 

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“Get those lightning spears to Jeans Squads! Reiner get over here!” 

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The two guards looked to one another. 

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“I won’t go anywhere.” 

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Erwin assured as they took to the left. The friendly continued to move and then there were more burst of titans and more clouds of steam. Hange called out for Reiner to help the right where Mikasa was and Jean would handle the left with the Titans Spears. Armin and Pieck waited on the ground standing guard as the friendly titans were still coming in. 

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Erwin smiled to himself as they fought around him. Hange had left him alone, unguarded but also very much in harm's way. The chains were still on his hands and feet and he had no gear on, no weapons. He didn't even have any shoes on. This was a test. 

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_Hange had learned well._

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The cannons fired once more and then the thunder spears went off at the same time. The sounds drowning everything around him and the steam blocked the view for both parties fighting. But Erwin was looking straight ahead. At the woods where the orange flash had gone off. 

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The woods where a titan had just been borne. It burst forth from the woods much to fast before the others would be able to do anything about it. It was big and when Erwin attempted to communicate it was impenetrable. That titans mind was not the same as the others. It was aware of what it was doing and it had a mission in mind. 

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This was one of Zeke’s followers. 

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‘Baruch place me on the cart!’ 

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‘No, forget about them. They are a decoy.’ 

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‘What?’ 

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Erwins attention was diverted from what Baruch had just revealed. The newly borne titan had reached the one at the very end. In the commotion Erwin had not realized that they had not moved closer to the gate as the others had continued to. It had held its place. It intended to be caught. 

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Erwin saw it get yanked and dragged from their bottom left foot.They fell forward in a loud thump and the barrels on their back came loose. They rolled around empty, some splintering as titans fists rained on them. 

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“Erwin!” Hange swooped next to him. The Squads had gotten rid of the titans and were coming over to take care of the now feasting titan. f

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“It’s only the one. There are no others.” Erwin said staring as it continued to devour the titan. His head was pounding. The titans thoughts bleeding into his mind. Heightened emotions were easier to pick up and harder to block. This one couldn’t use its vocal chords. 

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“They were a decoy.” Erwin tells Hange. “In case one mindless titan came close, it would sacrifice itself for the others.” 

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‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Forgive me.’ 

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Erwin understood. 

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During the transfer this one had feasted. 

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In his time spent with them, he learned that the intelligent titans were extremely disciplined, and felt a deep sense of guilt when it came to their memories of all that they had done while in their mindless titan form. Sometimes, the titan was weak. _More beast that human. More monster._ He had heard from Nellie and the others the stories of some going out and starting fights with mindless titans and letting themselves be devoured as a form of self flagellation. Punishing themselves for things they had not been able to control. 

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He felt Hange push them through the gate. The sky had lightened. 

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All Erwin could feel was the self hatred and guilt as the mindless titan continued to devour. He felt the pain and the fear of being devoured. The relief as darkness approached and _the peace as a nightmare ended._

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_‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Forgive me.’_

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It was a familiar feeling. 

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The gate closed. 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Today, in my heart a vague trembling of stars." Levi's feeling is taken from a poem by Federico Garcia Lorca. Its a favorite line of mine truly. I will always characterize Erwin as a light, a sun for Levi, for the whole of the SNK universe really. The Midnight Sun anyone? So that line with the stars just fit like a glove. For Erwin I really wanted to express "having/feeling butterflies" but I think that expression is too weak, a "flock of birds" is more suitable, especially because its Levi Erwin is feeling this for. Not to mention that for Erwin Levi's wings are "the real deal." I'm trying to infuse as much canon from not just the manga but interviews and character smartpass, snk games, holiday specials (the fox mask!) etc. I really wanna do justice to them. The scene with their hands totally inspired by Pride and Prejudice ( I need an A/U! for Eruri) as is the scene where Levi says he likes cleaning although that one is from the Joe Wright movie (when Lizzie says she if fond of walking). I love seeing them awkward. Sorry for the long rant and the long wait. I hope you like this first part.


	7. Birdwatching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've reached over 500 hits! Thank you so MUCH to all the people that read and liked and commented on my story. I admit I felt like I was in over my head with this one but to get the response that have is well amazing. So thank you. I hope you feel that my writing has improved. I feel like it has. I also hope you all have fun reading this story and like the direction I've taken this. Please enjoy this chapter.

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“Shit! What the fuck?!” 

The sun had yet to rise when they finally arrived at the Marley port. It was in a far better state than the port in Paradis had been when they finally managed to get away from the battle but..in the distance the sky was turning black.

Annie and Porco had fought their way to get onto the ships. 

It was a chaotic scene when they arrived at the beach. 

Soldiers in the same uniform, turned against one another, in vicious fights. The temporary tents that had been set up as Command centers were still burning while the titans advanced on the few remaining tanks. They were u-turning them and bending the firing mechanisms. The closer they got to the beach camp the louder the screams became. They had been just as bad as those they heard closest to the battles that had been fought inland. 

The titans had been _strange._ It was the first thing they noticed about them. They seemed to be waiting for some sort of signal as they had not made any attempt to devour, as was their nature. It became clear what they had been waiting for as Porco appeared. 

He had shed his Jaw titan form as they neared the beach to avoid drawing suspicion. As they drew near, a titan, crouched down, gaze fixed on the fight before them, fixed it’s lazy eyes on them. When Porco stepped on a stray tree branch it’s bulging, yellow, eyes glowed as the grenades exploded in the background. They narrowed in on Porco, unblinking, and then, as if suddenly remembering, grinned, before snapping its hideous jaw at them. 

Porco, having been in the front, felt spittles of saliva land on him before the assault of it’s rancid breath. 

It was an instant reflex of Porco to transform. 

It was the _wrong move._

The minute he did, all the other titans shifted their attention and attacks toward the Jaw titan. He had enough time to think _Shit!_ before he realized that it wasn't just them that he had drawn the attention of. It was the soldiers, Zeke's followers. 

It was like and off switch had been turned on. The devouring commenced and the fighting had turned uglier. The beach, once white sands, was left black. Blood, human and titan, saturating and steaming. 

Even now, as he stares from the deck, Porco finds it unbelievable that they made it out of there. They they made it all the way from the center wall city, Sina, through the chaotic battlefields just outside Maria and the titan infested forests and lands, a parting gift from Zeke. _That fucking traitor._

Annie had had to transform. 

The titans and Zeke’s followers too much for Porco to handle alone. They even managed to buy enough time for some of the soldiers to board the few remaining ships. Most of the ships had been dragged to the bottom by titans or set aflame by misdirected fire. 

In the end, 5 ships made it back to Marley. Even so, their ranks had been a mess, as all the remaining soldiers, both Marleian and Eldian, tried to make sense of what had happened. There was no real sense of a leader. Commander Magath had been injured and unconscious when they finally brought him on board He had not been the only one. Colt. by some miracle, had managed to make it aboard at the very last minute. He passed out before they could ask him anything. The wound is his leg bleeding heavily from a deep cut. Annie was sure it had been from the twin blades the Scouts used. 

They had only a few minutes to catch their breath before they inevitably had to address what had happened that everything had gone to shit. 

It had been the brother of one Piecks’ old Panzer unit operators that demanded to know where she was and what had happened beyond their camp. It was Annie that told them everything. Porco was still steaming from a large gash to his stomach. Disbelief was colored their faces but, in the end, with everything that had happened, they accepted what she said as truth, unwilling as they were. 

The brother had looked at them, too tired or too injured perhaps, for him to address them with the veiled disgust or contempt that Marley soldiers often spoke to Eldians with. 

“It was Zeke? Wasn't it? He turned on us.” His tone accepting and full of hopeless fatigue. 

He told them, that before news of Zeke having fallen had reached them, a large portion of soldiers had suddenly commenced a barrage of fire on the ships still coming in from the sea, and then they started in on the soldiers. That the medical tents had been set on fire afterwards. The titans had come after. 

Throughout all the ensuing chaos and confusion, there had been mixed information about the titans. Some of the soldiers reported hearing Zeke’s Beast titan scream before the titans showed up. Those reports were quickly dismissed, once Porco and Annie, told them that Zeke had been killed hours before and that they mostly like heard the regular screams of some of the _abnormal_ titans. They could see the confusion on some of their faces but there was no way that they could have heard the Beast Titan scream. Zeke had died. There had been no doubt about it, they pressed. 

They reluctantly nodded and accepted that explanation 

It hadn't been hard, to accept that Zeke and his followers, both from Marley and Eldia, had turned on them during the battle. Not with the level of destruction and death they had wrought on them. They sent out soldiers to spread the information to the remaining 4 ships while they were left to tend to the wounded. Some were tasked with trying to establish communications with Marley to no avail. 

None of the ships could reach any of the communication centers in Marley. The entire situation was an unmitigable disaster as that news continued to lower morale and the tenuous trust they sowed.. 

With Commander Magath unconscious, the tension among the soldiers, from Marley and Eldia, was a ticking time bomb. Before things could reach another violent disaster, Annie and Porco made the unanimous decision to reveal to them what Pieck had heard from Yelena and the Hizuru soldier, as well as what had happened inside the walls. It was a tenuous alliance between all the surviving soldiers but it would be the best they could do. 

With Zeke’s betrayal revealed, as well as the still, unknown, extent of his alliance with the Hizuru Ambassador, they, at least, had a temporary truce among them as they made their way back to Marley. 

Marley, which, had been left defenseless and blind to unknown enemies. Utterly left in the dark, they realized as they took in the black smoke and the _whir_ of airplanes flying over. 

“We can't dock.” Annie said from his side. 

“Then what do we do?” Karl, the brother, said. 

They watched the smoke rising in the distance from the stern and flinched when they heard the sounds of explosions, one after another and the air drill alarm, shrill, in the early morning. 

_“Annie, promise me that you will come back home.”_

Annie clenched her fists and her eyes narrowed before looking to the choppy, dark waters. 

“We have to sneak in. Both me and Porco will transform. We will carry some people on our backs. I don't care who. Pick among yourselves. The rest have to stay back and wait for instructions. We have no way of knowing who is fighting. It could be anybody.” 

Zeke’s followers, Hizuru soldiers, other enemies. _Anybody. Everybody._

Annie, had remained unchanged by the passage of time but, there was a _knowing_ fierceness to her icy eyes, that hadn’t been there before. Porco had been expecting that she would be disoriented when she emerged from the crystal cocoon. She hadn’t been at all. He turned to delegate, he couldn’t afford to think about that right now he told himself. Annie remained looking at the black smoke and the planes flying overhead. 

_Black smoke._

A sight that persisted through her many dreams. _Through her many memories of past lives._

Annie shook her head clear of visions, of memories, of another place with black smoke spiralling in the sky. It had not been her, she told herself. Those memories had belonged to others. Her nails dug into her skin as she closed her eyes to block the replay of visions. 

There was an _void_ inside her and yet, _not her._ As if the _Female Titan_ had been robbed of something but, Annie, was the one feeling _it._

_An anguished, unexplained desolate, pain._

She wondered if Porco felt it? 

Shaking her head to clear away the images, she opened her eyes, and watched Porco stand up from his kneeling position, beside a map and the highlighted route, that they would take back to Marley. 

He was still pale. 

He shouldn't be. Not any longer. It had been more than enough time for him to recuperate. 

Porco brought one of his hands to his chest. Right at his heart. He frowned and turned away abruptly when Karl came back with a group of soldiers. His hand brushed away, casually, over his eyes before facing them to explain the route they would take back. 

Annie closed her eyes as she turned away. She breathed deeply, holding in that breath. She imagined air filling the emptiness within her. 

It’s funny that _she knows_ now. 

_“Please, please end it! Let it end!”_

The phantom voices are harder to block or ignore completely. 

How many know, she wonders. 

She can still hear her. 

_“I can't. I can’t please please make it stop. Make them stop.”_

How many _know?_

She knows the answer. Just like the fairy tales, she had hated as a child, so to, have the titans origins been distorted and changed. 

Still, Annie can't help but wonder. 

Is there, truly, no one that knows that the Female titan was borne of _rape and cannibalism._

_“I can't. I can’t please please make it stop. Make them stop.”_

Annie, can't help but question whether that’s true for _them all?_

She shudders, her body chilling with the phantom hands of unknown men _monsters_ holding _her_ down, bruising _her_ waist, _her_ neck, the inside of _her_ thighs. 

She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, repeating to herself, _It’s not me. It wasn’t me. It was never me. It will NEVER be me._

_“Annie, come back home.”_

Annie fixes her eyes to the smoke covered sky. 

“It doesn’t matter.” 

As long as she sees her father and comes back, just as he asked her to, then nothing else matters. For now. 

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“So you were born in the place called “The Underground“ correct?” 

Honeyed eyes blinked at the bespectacled woman. There was a glare on her glasses, from where, he did not know? 

“Yes” 

The woman in front of him wrote his reply down on a pad of paper as the man next to her, withdrew from the bag beside him, a device that they had called a tape recorder. 

“Ok. -- Okay. This is Marcia Albrecht interviewing--- She paused frowning. “I’m sorry can you spell your name. I wanna be sure I get that right.” 

“Oh. It’s spelled J - A - N.” 

“Okay, got it! Jan, you were born in the Underground and from what we know so far, this is an underground city, beneath Wall Sina. When did you meet---” 

“Oh. I met her about 11---12 years ago. I was being chased by some henchmen, that were sent after me by a Sina noble.” Jan frowned remembering. “I was being treated for an injured leg. They, the doctors, told me it was because of lack of Vitamin E, something you get from the sun. I’m not sure what happened but I overheard the men that brought me to the hospital, above ground, in Sina, that they needed to get rid of me.” 

“Oh!, exciting what happened then? How did you escape?” 

Jan rubbed the back of his head embarrassed and self conscious as well as a bit taken aback by Marcia's enthusiasm. 

“Well---I was kinda in a gang and…the skills, that I learned, allowed me to get away, injured leg and all.” 

Behind the lens of her glasses, Marcia’s eyes widened in unexpected excitement. Jan, certainly didn’t look like the gang related type. Oh, this was going to be such a good interview! 

“Okay. Then some of those gang members are they...still alive or…” she scrunched up her face thinking of what she knew, so far, about the city beneath Wall Sina. “Are they and you still part of that gang?” 

“Well no...You’ve met some of them. They are the ones handling things Underground. With the supplies and tunnels. We stuck together. It was easier, especially after---” Jan looked away, nostalgic or maybe sad. “You see, we were only followers ourselves. The ones in charge were three people but they ended up joining the Survey Corps. Two of them died. I know, because the leader came back once. He was different after and he didn't stay long. He joined them, the Scouts, permanently.” 

There was a beat of silence. Marcia had stopped jotting down notes in order to fully listen to Jan’s story. 

“He became the best in the Scouts!” He smiled recalling all the rumors he had heard. “It’s been a really long time since we’ve crossed paths. His name is L----” 

There was sudden burst of excitement from outside the cart. They both looked at the back, as the flap was flung open. 

“Hey, sorry to interrupt the interview, Marcia, Sal,” The bearded man nodded to them, then to Jan. “But the twins said the Military Police are heading to Rose in about half an hour.” Marcia shook her head and Sal stopped the recording. “Jan, can you ride out in the front? The twins got some spare MP uniforms to change into. We were able to fit everything onto the third and fourth wagons. It should be safe for all us to go undetected while the others remain here, helping your friends with the Underground evacuation.” He handed Jan a walkie-talkie. “Here, this is for you to use so you can communicate with your family. I gave one them already and showed them how to use it.” 

Jan exited the cart, thanking and waving goodbye to Marcia and Sal, before changing into the spare MP uniform the twins had brought for him. He couldn’t help but reminisce about the fury and disgust, the uniform, had once brought him. Now, here he was, about to go around wearing that very uniform,pretending to be one of them. 

“Crossing my fingers the others got to Wall Maria okay.” The bearded man said, beside Jan. His comment momentarily distracting him from his time as a simple thief in one of the most renowned Underground gangs. 

He wondered what sort of face _he_ would make when they saw each other once again? If everything went well, he would be able to see him, the person he still continued to look up to, by the afternoon. 

. 

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“Erwin are you okay?” 

Hange’s voice pierced through the remnants of titan guilt and death. He blinked his eyes twice before shaking his head. It made him dizzy, the full body shudder making the chains clang noisily at his sides. He felt very cold as his thought became his, once more. Like returning to bed only to realize that the warmth had long since vanished. 

“I...I’m fine.” He replied raising his head to look at Hange. _When had he fallen to his knees?_

“Is everyone okay? Were there any injuries?” 

Hange, with her one eye scrutinizing him, searched for a lie, as he stood up, poised and in control, despite the chains . It may have been a long time since they last saw each other but, they both, had not change where it mattered. 

“Everyone is fine. Just some minor burns, nothing alarming.” Hange frowned thinking, _Are you really okay?_

“Are you going to introduce us all properly, Erwin?” 

The question seemed to make the haziness in his eyes disappear. Made them more focused. He smiled, good-naturedly, looking to the titans and then to Hange. 

“Yes, of course. Forgive me, it seems I am still unused to being back.” He tried to appear calmer, more in control. He took a few careful steps, the world swaying before for him, so that he was standing next to Hange, He directed his gaze to Nellie and the others. 

The crawler titans were inside Aldebaran district, curiously looking at the Scouts still hanging from within the inner side of the wall. 

Jean and Mikasa were both walking towards them, scratches and tears visible on their clothing as they neared their Commander. Reiner, too was coming to meet them. He was steaming from a healing wound on his left shoulder. On the other side, Armin was staring, wide eyed, at Pieck, who was conversing in very animated hand gestures with the nearest titan. 

“You didn’t mention that they would have barrels attached to their backs.” Hange frowned. The side of her eye looking accusingly at Erwin. 

“Ah,” came Nellies voice from behind Jean and Mikasa. The former, very visibly jumped and uttered a “Fuck” to which, Nellie frowned disapprovingly at. 

“He didn’t know. Our initial plans changed after they was captured.” Erwin felt them look at him. “But, I promise you, they mean no harm ---” 

“They?!” 

“Yes, you see we heard of what happened during the battle with the Colossal titan and figured it would be a pretty good idea to use the same tactic.” 

Erwin frowned remembering the battle from 5 years ago. 

“You don’t mean to tell me there are titan shifters in those barrels, do you?!” Hange exclaimed, as those nearest paled at the mere possibility. 

“Oh no, they aren’t titan shifter's.” Nellie assured. “They are human. In fact, I feel it would be for the best, if you let them out. I imagine most aren't too happy after having been cooped up in there for so long.” 

Hange had quickly turned to face Erwin, who, was still processing the implications of what Nellie had just revealed, when, from the barrels attached on her back, there came a banging. 

“You got that right.” came the muffled voice, followed by three more bangs. “Erwin let us out you jerk!” 

“Loras?” Erwin asked, wide eyed, looking at Nellie who merely shrugged. 

Hange began to laugh at the complete ridiculousness of everything. Meanwhile Jean, Mikasa and Reiner, stared at each other, speechless, as the person called Loras continued his banging from inside his barrel. 

They looked to Commander Hange who was getting their breathing back in check. The Commander stood before Nellie, posture serious, before asking. 

“These people...Just who are they?” Where did they come from?” 

“I’m afraid I can't fully answer that, Commander. You see, we too, have only just met. If you must know, it’s only been less than a month since they made it to the Island.” Nellie looked at Erwin. “Erwin probably knows them better than us.” 

Hange turned their gaze to Erwin, waiting for him to speak, to explain himself and these other foreign humans. 

“I told you I would tell you everything, Commander.” He reiterated, head still trying to make sense of the fact that Loras was inside that barrel. “Although I am not completely sure just how many I know or have met, I can assure you of their commitment to humanity. I imagine some are ones who trained me and helped me get through my journey as I made my way to through the lands beyond Marley.” 

_Lands beyond Marley._

____

Even now the full scope of Erwin having been alive and having travelled to foreign lands made Hange reel. 

____

“I will vouch for them and their sincerity when it comes to ending the titans, once and for all.” Erwin continued, speaking in that firm, commanding voice of his. A voice heavy with promised glory. “They came to help.” He pressed. 

____

“The world is not entirely alone, as you may know already. When it comes to completely annihilating the titans and those who would use them for their _selfish_ gains . I don't know what Zeke or his followers have said regarding other lands but, the people of those lands aren’t yet ready to give up their fight. Many wish for peace and freedom, despite the tales and propaganda their governments have spun for them and shown the world.” 

____

Always, the fiery conviction of Erwin words made it, so that the decided path was difficult to ignore. It was hard being the one to, ultimately, carry the decisive order but, Hange had already made the decision to allow the titans in. Just as Erwin had said, they had shown no harm. Besides that, it was especially hard for Hange not to trust Erwin.

____

Erwin, who had been a friend but, more importantly, someone that had constantly pushed and challenged Hange and their knowledge. Who asked for the impossible of Hange and pushed them to discover the hidden paths of overcoming barriers and walls that laid in their path. Even now he pushed Hange. So subtle was he that he hardly seemed to be doing it. That nudge that he'd always carefully apply when pointing people in his desired path. 

____

Hange had really missed that from him however frustrating it continued to be. 

____

Hange drew close to Nellie before giving orders for Jean and Mikasa to follow their lead. Nellie was already crouching down to make it easier for them to climb aboard. The cart was similar to the Cart titans with only the barrels added to it. 

____

“Loras, was it?” Hange called calmly. 

____

There was a knock from the barrel next them. 

____

“At your service, Commander.” 

____

“We will let you out.” Hange’s voice turned serious. “I want to be clear that we expect no funny business.” 

____

“I assure you, that we are currently incapable of anything to that effect. I’m pretty sure my whole body has gone numb from being in this fucking barrel, also, and this might be too much information, I’m soaked through my underwear.” 

____

Jean snorted at the Commanders side. The way this Loras spoke was clumsy and with a thick accent. At Hanges request, he twisted the lid on top of the barrel as Mikasa did the some to another. 

____

The man, called Loras, peeked at him from the barrel when Jean leaned closer. He grinned at him, a lit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. He stood up stretching his arms high above him. 

____

He let out a long whistle as he took in the walls and the Scouts hanging from the walls. 

____

“God almighty.” he grinned and then his eyes landed on Erwin below. “Smith, Is that you? Shit man, you look like some kinda vagrant!” 

____

Introductions went quickly afterwards. While Commander Hange got a quick summary of events from Loras, the other Scouts were busy letting people out from the barrels. A large portion was already out on the ground, stretching and chatting, in languages that few could understand. The group of outsiders were in high spirits as they kept looking to Wall Maria and commenting on it’s height and at the buildings in Aldebaran District. 

____

____

“That’s the gist of it, Commander.” Loras was finishing, Lotte was standing next to him, eyeing Erwin all chained up. She hadn’t expected his treatment to be to such an extent but she’d imagined that it wouldn't be easy to accept someone coming back from the dead so easily. 

____

Hange went through the papers that they had handed over to them. Maps, far more intricate and detailed than the ones Marley had provided, as well as a list of names and ranks, of some of Zeke’s identified followers. 

____

“There's more, of course, but it’s better left for later. With your body of government and other Military leaders present. Good to get it out of the way en mass and all that. We still are waiting on communication channels opening up. We have some people stationed at Marley but so far we haven’t been able to Communicate with them.” 

____

“How exactly are you planning to do that? Paradis doesn't have any communication centers, correct?” Pieck asked Hange, intrigued and having finally made her way over. 

____

“We are using the highest elevation point available right now to transmit a signal. For now we have the good, old, fashioned hand-held devices.” Lottie showed her walkie-talkie. “The other thing is that…” She looked to Erwin and then to Pieck. “We have some of our people on Marley and they have not been able to get the communication channel open from their end. We don't want to speculate and give rise to unnecessary panic but it is worrisome.” 

____

Pieck stared at them, frowning as she remembered her radio transmitter breaking whilst in the midst of fighting. Like them, she and Reiner were left in the dark when it came to Marley and its people. She hoped both Annie and Porco had gotten there safely. When she inquired about using one of the Marley radio transmitters channels they confessed to already having tried that. It made Pieck more worried. Zeke had followers that were quite loyal and, as they had all seen, had kept their agendas hidden. Marley was already in a precarious position and now, without a way to communicate, it was impossible to know just how bad the situation truly was. 

____

It was late morning by the time everyone had gotten freed from the barrels and Commander Hange ordered everyone to head out for the old Survey outpost. Seeing as there weren’t enough horses for everyone, they decided to continue their way back on their new titan allies. Both Reiner and Pieck were still weakened from their transformations and needed the rest. 

____

It had been one of the strangest mornings, even by Survey Corp standards. 

____

Erwin and Hange were on the cart Nellie had on her back and now that some form of trust had been established, Hange couldn’t help asking questions to Nellie and the outsiders. They answered Hanges questions readily except, for those they thought would be best explained with everyone present. Hnages questioning stopped when they realized how tired Loras and his people appeared. Some were already asleep as they made their way to the outpost. 

____

It took a bit longer to reach their halfway point but, for the first time, they were in high spirits as the sun, finally broke through the scatter of grey clouds. Events and situations had changed so swiftly within the Legion but, now, as they rode back, with this herd of titan allies and human outsiders and the promise of answers, they were left feeling euphoric after a successful mission. 

____

Despite the fight, the _war_ that still loomed over them, there was a serenity. The promise of stability, of the earth having stopped its unpredictable shifting. It was a good feeling after feeling tense and tired for so long. That nervous edge was gone. The _calm_ had settled. 

____

Erwin, at Hange's side, was quiet and most likely very tired after all that he had been through. Hange reached for Erwin’s hand giving it a squeeze and offering him a grin. He returned the squeeze and could see his smile in the crinkles forming at the corners of his eyes. 

____

_Sleep,_ Hange mouthed to him but he shook his head and returned his gaze to the passing landscapes of Maria. 

____

Hange understood. 

____

The rain made everything anew. Made the colours more vibrant, clean, luminous. Erwin had been gone from the place he had called home for so long, that now, with the rain having washed everything of war away and the scent of petrichor permeating the air, he finally had the chance to truly feel that he was back. To take a moment to look and re-acquaint himself with the place that was their home and once upon a time their entire _world._

____

The Erwin in the past had been someone that always turned melancholic and maudlin when it rained. Hange was glad that it wasn’t the same once the rain ended. There had been countless times when Erwin would become quiet during the rain. He seemed to withdraw into himself and wallowed in regrets. It was often then that the guilt would be openly displayed on his countenance. It was an unspoken rule between Mike and Hange and Levi; to make sure that Erwin wasn’t alone during the rain. It’s not that they were afraid he would do anything too crazy - that was already a given for him - but he was their _friend._ Their friend who still kept things close to their heart not because he didn't want to share or because he didn't trust them. No, it was because Erwin didn't trust himself. Despite the confidence he ensued and showed the world Erwin was the opposite when it to himself. 

____

They had just wanted to remind him that they trusted him and when he could not trust himself, they would for him. It was impossible not to trust Erwin once you got know him. They were aware of the kind of person he was, the darkness he held in his heart and yet they could just as well see the light and hope, much brighter than that dark guilt that Erwin was so intent on carrying alone. In that way he was still very much a child with a fools dream of discovering the world for themselves and unveiling the mysteries surrounding their isolated lives. 

____

Hange had never noticed that, until Levi said that he thought, Erwin resembled “a brat.” Hange understood what he meant when Erwin asked if he could count on them once he became Commander. He, for all that he appeared cool and collected, was hesitant, even shy, when asked them for their support. They knew what he was asking of them. What eventually that would entail. Glory in the Scouts was achieved through risk and lives dangled in front of titan jaws. It required their wings bathed, and dripping blood. Blood that not always fizzled away as steam. Demanded lives easily cast-away and abandoned for the chance that some sort of meaning would arise from sacrifice and death. 

____

As they looked at each other; with a raised eyebrow, a grin, and a “Tch” because, really, Erwin could be so very dumb sometimes. It was laughable and hard to believe that he was the same person that so many people viewed as unfeeling or called a monster. Erwin, with them, was very much a dumb, if cute and shy puppy. 

____

It still seemed impossible that not even 24 hours ago he was dead to them and now here he was; thin, looking like a vagrant, and a bit chained up but undoubtedly _here._

____

_Alive._

____

He was here and yet…

____

A stray beam of light hit Erwin from above. It turned the blonde of his hair a gleaming white. Hange watched him tilt his face to bask in its light. He raised his hand to shield the glare from his eyes, the chains clinking at his wrist. The blue of his eyes turned golden and his eyelashes, so very pale, cast long shadows on his hollow cheeks, the veins around his eyes visible and beneath the translucent skin. 

____

Even now he was looking at something that he alone could see. 

____

Hange wondered this image had once been the same as Levi’s. 

____

There was a soft breeze that moved Erwin’s hair back from his face and, as Erwin closed his eyes, face still tilted, the morning sunlight painting his pale complexion, the freckles at his collarbone flashing, Hange could perhaps understand why it was hard for Levi to look away. 

____

In the distance, of the trees, there came the sudden rustle of branches. A bird, lonesome and flying. 

____

__Its wings spread out, flapping once, twice, before disappearing into the next thicket of greenery. Its piercing cry loud and ringing in the early morning._ _

____

Erwins head swiveled in it’s direction, following the bird, eyes wide and piercing in its short flight, above them. As it disappeared, Erwin turned his gaze forward, once more, and Hange caught the view of the corner of his mouth curling into a forlorn smile and the flutter of his eyelashes as they came down half mast, curtailing the blue of his eyes, making them dull, dark, and flat. 

____

A cloud passed over the sun and overshadowed its light. 

____

Hange held tightly to Erwin’s hand as he withdrew into himself, imagining that he, most likely, wanted to curl himself away - it was easier now that he was so thin - but the chains prevented that. Instead, he curled his bare feet, muddy as they were, before going still, head tilted down to his chin. He did not move again as the cloud passed and the sun returned. He did not return to looking at the passing landscapes. The birds that flew above and over them did not illicit that same reaction as before. Erwin was still and unmoving.

____

Hange could feel _it_ as he bowed his shoulders and head. 

____

_That overbearing burden of guilt. ___

______ _ _

Hange remembered his steadfast reaction as the bird emerged from the tree, and the wide-eyed wonder as it flew above them. His quiet dimness as it disappeared. 

______ _ _

With one eye clear, Hange held themselves back from asking the question. 

______ _ _

They couldn’t right now. Not yet, not until afterwards. 

______ _ _

Erwin had closed his eyes but he was not asleep, as the others in the cart were. Hange closed her one eye. 

______ _ _

They remembered. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

“Do you think it’s because he’s so short?” 

______ _ _

Erwin snickers from above. Hange is laying down on the lawn of the training grounds, looking on as Levi trains by completing, feat after brilliant feat, with the ODM gear. They had been taking notes but after a while that grew tedious and instead they had simply abandoned that for just observation. 

______ _ _

“I’m not sure if that’s meant to be a joke or not but well,” he pauses deep in thought. “If it simply came down to height, than surely more soldiers of similar builds, would have acquired or been capable of such skills, don’t you think?” 

______ _ _

Hange hums in response as Levi goes through a series of mid-air acrobatic feats that have Hange’s mind turning with trajections. 

______ _ _

Erwin is taking the unexpected and rare break to actually rest, instead of reading and researching as he is wont to do. Hange actually takes break more often than the man does. 

______ _ _

Hange eyes Erwin from the corner of her eyes as he lays down next to them. They glance at him, surprised apparent on their face. He raises an eyebrow back and Hange plops back down, arms stretched out above her head. The grass is thick and soft beneath them and the sun warm on their skin. 

______ _ _

In the next round of maneuvers, a bird flies from a tree, startled by a flying Levi. It twitters angrily at him before taking off indignantly. Erwin lets out a low and quiet chuckle. It startles Hange as they turn to look to him. Those are so few and far with Erwin. His eyes are very blue and his hair pearlescent after so many days spent training beneath the sun. This close to one another, beneath the brightness of daylight, of the sun, Hange can count the 9 freckles on his nose and cheek bones. 

______ _ _

Hanges never seen him so calm and relaxed. 

______ _ _

“Hange do you think maybe he has birds bones?” 

______ _ _

“Birds bones?” Hange’s never heard Erwins voice colored in that wondrous low tone. He sounds wistful even...dreamy. 

______ _ _

“Yes. I remember reading once that avians have hollow bones. It’s what makes flight for them so easy. Ma---” 

______ _ _

“Oh!” they exclaim sitting up. “That’s so brilliant why didn't I think of that!” 

______ _ _

“Oh, but Levi is very heavy despite his looks.” 

______ _ _

“What! How do you know?” 

______ _ _

Hange deflates, laying down once more. 

______ _ _

“Mike told me. When they were sparring he said he had a tough time throwing Levi off of him.” 

______ _ _

Hange is quiet. 

______ _ _

“It’s probably cuz Mike is old. He’s probably sad he’s not Humanities Strongest anymore.” 

______ _ _

Erwin snorts and guffaws. 

______ _ _

“I don't think he’s to upset about that. He hated that tittle.” 

______ _ _

So inattentive they became that they miss the shadow cast over them. Only then do they tilt their heads up and stare at a looming Mike. 

______ _ _

“Gossiping without me and what’s more grievous, about me!” 

____he says looking disappointed at them._ _ _ _

______ _ _

“No, no. Sit. Sit.” Hange pats down the spot of green grass beside her. But Mike having heard her call him old turns his head in mock offense and lays down besides Erwin. Hange calls out a “hey” before quieting again. 

______ _ _

Levi is still training when he finally glances down at the three of them. He feels a tick at the corner of his eye and he directs his landing so that when he finally touches ground, its with a series of flips and spins, his twin blades at his sides held aloft. There’s a chorus of _Ohhhs_ and _Ahhs_ from the new recruits but Levi pays no mind to them. Instead he focuses his attention on the three, boldly sprawled, so called veterans, on the grass. He narrows his eyes feeling very annoyed at the three. 

______ _ _

He kicks the boot of the closest one, Erwin. 

______ _ _

“Get the fuck up you lazy shits!” All three respond by humming back at him, simultaneously which causes them to laugh and grin! His eyebrow twitches. 

______ _ _

“The fuck you doing laying about like pigs waiting slaughter?” 

______ _ _

It’s Erwin who answers with a knowing grin, one that, Levi has come to learn is never good. 

______ _ _

“Birdwatching.” 

______ _ _

Levi has time enough to think _Birdwatching? The fuck?_ and blink grey eyes at Erwin before Mike lets out a loud snort and Hange rolls over so that her head ends up on Erwins shoulder, cackling and arms around her middle. 

______ _ _

Before long Levi kicks harder at Erwin who has a childish smile on his face as he looks up at him. When Levi questions them getting old and fat due to inactivity Hange supplies that Erwin has recently lost weight by snapping the waistband of his trousers. He flinches at the still unexpected liberties Hange takes with him. There’s the swoosh of a sword and Levi has his blade pointed at Erwin threateningly. 

______ _ _

“I told you not to skip meals!” 

______ _ _

“But you also called me fat.” 

______ _ _

Levi is close to losing it with Erwin. The man is pouting at him like some sort of spoiled man-child! 

______ _ _

“Then work the fuck out.” He grits out. 

______ _ _

From the side, Hange eyes them both, before raising her head to look over at Mike. 

______ _ _

“Maybe it’s cuz he has a short temper?!” 

______ _ _

It’s but an instant before Levi lunges after them. Hange shrieks as they roll over and crawl away before getting to their feet and running to use Moblit, who was until then, peacefully drawing beneath the shade of a tree, as a shield. 

______ _ _

“Birdwatching, huh?” Mike says at Erwin who steals one last glance at poor Moblit caught between Hange and Levi. He hums in reply and Mike snorts once more. 

______ _ _

“Erwin, you can be such an idiot.” 

______ _ _

There’s little time to contemplate the meaning behind Mike's words before Hange yells loudly, flying over them. 

______ _ _

“PLAYING TAG AND SHORT TEMPER IS IT!” 

______ _ _

Everything descends into chaos then. 

______ _ _

Despite having to explain and passing off the impromptu tag game as a training exercise, Erwin, not once regrets that day. For many it would come to be a last day of peace. A day filled with unexpected indulgence and childish joy. 

______ _ _

A month from that day they start expedition after expedition, in order to build a head quarters beyond the walls. A mission entirely undertaken to prove the worth and necessity of the Survey Corps. On the last one it rains torrentially. On the way back, the 12th Commander breaks down. On that very day Erwin gets passed the burden that is Commander. 

______ _ _

As he watches Keith Sadies walk away, a lone figure in the setting sun, Erwin already feels that burden more keenly than ever. He turns around and the first thing he sees are Levi’s silver eyes, then Mikes and then Hange’s and the others. His Scouts. They know and they wait for Erwin. 

______ _ _

And Erwin, who truly had never thought of being Commander, not really, not so easily, takes a deep breath. He squares his shoulders and runs his hand through wet blonde strands, in a vain attempt to fix it. 

______ _ _

It will be hard. 

______ _ _

The failure of this mission will surely lead to major budget cuts if not, the Scouts permanent disbanding. But he can't act just yet. The Scouts need their rest and the time to mourn their losses. Once he becomes Commander in full hew will have to take action considering...He lets out an intake of air. Already, despite him believing that he had not really wanted the title, he plans for it already. This, his way of thinking, has it always been so _selfish?_

______ _ _

He stares once more at his friends, at his squad, at his Scouts. And then looks beyond Wall Maria, to the gate that leads into Shinganshina. There’s a strange formation of clouds above, in the sky. Geese fly overhead as if fleeing and then there is lightning and thunder at the same time. 

______ _ _

_Lightning and thunder at the same time._

______ _ _

It doesn’t occur naturally. 

______ _ _

The world stills and they all feel the trembling of the ground below them. 

______ _ _

Erwin knows what it means. They all do. 

______ _ _

Maria falls. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

Hange looks once more to Erwin. He is breathing slowly and perhaps may be sleeping. It’s hard to tell with him. 

______ _ _

There’s the flutter of a flock of birds from a passing oak tree. 

______ _ _

“Birdwatching,” Hange says quietly. 

______ _ _

The chains move so very little that they sound like wind-chimes. 

______ _ _

_Birdwatching._

______ _ _

Hange closes her eyes and can see the blue of Erwin’s eyes, as they laid on the grass, watching Levi fly over them. The blue and silver wing on his back blurring. 

______ _ _

The content smile on Erwin’s face was childlike. 

______ _ _

The question is there. 

______ _ _

_Why?_

______ _ _

Both have always been so awkward, Hange thinks. 

______ _ _

___Why haven’t you asked about Levi?_

____

. 

____

. 

____

“What aren’t you telling me, Brzenska?” 

____

She looked at him from the corner of her eye, as they continued moving to where Commander Pixis waited in the meeting room. She cursed herself, feeling that she drew the short end of the stick having to deal with the infamous Captain of the Survey Corp. 

____

“I told you we can discuss this with Commander P---” 

____

“Supreme Premier.” he quickly corrects her. 

____

She clenches her jaw picking her fight for something other than the mocking tone that colored his helpful reminder. 

____

“Noted.” she turns a corner sharply. “Why the hell aren’t you utilizing crutches for that damn leg of yours?” 

____

“What for? It’s just a fucking scratc---” he cuts himself off abruptly. 

____

She doesn’t notice his blanching face. 

____

“Suit yourself.” 

____

The rest of the way was quiet and continued so until they reached the Supreme Premier. He was up and already nursing a drink, legs crossed, when they walked in. 

____

“Good morning.” He takes a sip from the glass.” It hardly seems like a different day from yesterday.” He says in a thoughtful tone. “I take it you are here to brief me on that frankly, unexpected wake up call, Squad Leader Brzenska, Captain.” 

____

Rico salutes while Levi scowls at the drink in his hold. 

____

“Indeed we are, Sir.” 

____

Rico took a steadying breath. Levi stood with his back against the wall, impatience in the scowl on his face, his crossed arms, waiting to hear what kind of shit situation the tolling bells foretold. 

____

“Commander Hange has taken a select number of her Squad teams to Aldebaran district. They will be assessing a developing situation. She takes a deep breathe. “We have no reason to suspect it being the enemy. On the contrary we are very confident in the opposite.” 

____

“Oh” Pixis, placed his glass down. 

____

“We recently received intel that allies would be arriving before dawn. They used the cover of darkness to avoid the mindless titans left from the recent battles. They were sighted by the guards stationed there .” Rico stopped as Pixis held his hand up. 

____

_“Intel of allies_ from what source exactly?” 

____

Rico swallowed back nervously. Levi had foregone his casual pose and was now looking at Rico, eyes narrowed. 

____

_Fucking short end of the stick._

____

“Commander Hange made an unexpected discovery yesterday evening.” Levi’s eyes widened, sensing where she was going. “The body brought back by the Captain and Co. has been identified.” Pixis leans forward. “It is indeed _who_ was speculated at the briefing. It’s Erwin Smith, Sir.” 

____

It felt as though the air had vanished, vacuumed out, as that weighty revelation dropped. 

____

Pixis stands up, just as Levi digs his fingers into his arm. He moves to the cabinet where the ember liquid felt like a promise, kept safe and sure, in a bottle. The light, from the lamp on the wall, highlighting the wrinkles of his face. His age better pronounced. 

____

“Why was I not informed of this?” His voice is calm but tight. 

____

“Because that is not the entirety of it.” Ricos, clenches her fist. “Erwin Smith, we believe to be a titan shifter of some sort.” Pixis stops his attempt to reach for the flask. “During Commander Hange’s autopsy examination the body---his wounds began to heal up and he started breathing.” It still sounds far-fetched in Ricos ears, despite her witnessing Erwin awaken. “He is alive.” 

____

“Alive?” 

____

And Rico can hear the incredulity in Pixis’ voice. 

____

“Yes. He was thus moved to the female titans holding cell. It was the safest place for them to be while we waited for him to wake up. We have no way of knowing the nature of his titan abilities. There has been much speculation on the inherent titan shifter powers.” 

____

Rico adjust her glasses. A nervous tick that both men are aware of. 

____

“The current theory is that he was an experimental subject in the hands of the Marley labs. You have already gone over the reports on the rumors surrounding the Ackerman family and their inhuman abilities. During the Liberio attack we had plenty of similar reports of Marley resuming their quest via experiments for the perfect titan soldier. Erwin Smith, while he has not shown any of the known characteristics of titan shifters, does possess their healing abilities. According to Hange, before his wound healed, they were able to identify that some of his wounds were consistent with those of torture.” 

____

Levi was closing his eyes, the nightmare from this morning rearing clearly in his mind. 

____

“Hange is positive of his identity then?” 

____

“Very much Sir, and they of course, had others perform an examination of his body. Seeing as all his previous recorded scars were healed, they confirmed his identity using the birthmarks listed in his file. Everyone came to the same conclusion as to his identity.” 

____

Pixis is quiet as he contemplates the bizarre development. 

____

“Have you seen him Rico, Captain?” 

____

“Yes, we both have.” she answers, wonder, even now, coloring her voice. 

____

But Pixis is looking at Captain Levi. _He would know._

____

Levi nods back at him. 

____

Pixis feels the need to pour himself a drink of his strongest bottle. 

____

“Has he awaken?” 

____

“He has.” 

____

Levi who had tensed up at the question shifts his weight to his feet. He feels the immediate regret as a flash of pain shots through his leg. He grits his teeth as he glares at Rico. “What!” 

____

Rico ignores Levi’s outburst. 

____

“He woke nearly an two hours ago. He was checked over by the medics and, although, he is underweight, his condition is stable. Both Hange and I talked with him. We were expecting some trauma, of sorts. Despite his disbelief about seeing us and being back, he did recognize us and was coherent enough to answers some of our questions.” 

____

Levi tenses, feeling like the consequences of his choice, back then, will crush him with their severity. 

____

“Initially we believed that he was kept prisoner during the time of his absence but, he denied that, once we confirmed the year. It was closer to two years. The time before, he spent recuperating from his injuries and…” she hesitated here, adjusting her glasses again. “Erwin has told us that he has been to Marley and to the lands beyond Marley. He has said that he will answer all our questions but only once everyone is present because. he too, has some information regarding the titans, Zeke’s followers and the Hizuru Ambassador.” 

____

Pixis was back in his seat, hands crossed in front, a look of deep consideration on his face. He made a motion for Rico to continue her briefing when there was a burst of thunder in the distance, followed by another. The sound familiar to any who had ever fought or seen a titan shifter transform. 

____

Levi froze looking to the window, as Pixis eyed the glass at the side table tremble, a ripple forming in the center. Rico clenched her fist behind her back as she licked her dry lips. 

____

“You---!” 

____

Levi’s outburst was drowned by the hard slam of the glass on the table. Pixis had drowned the remains of his drink in a single gulp. He stood and walked to the window, his hands behind his back. Levi waited tense as was Rico uttered a silent “Fuck!” beneath her breath. Dot Pixis may well be a quiet and perhaps lush of a man when it came to women and alcohol but, he was decidedly, a man of the Military. The mere longevity of his career testified for his experience and his quiet authority spoke volumes as seasoned and wise Commander. 

____

“I will turn 70 this year. A man of my age should be retired by now. Living in some nice country cottage enjoying my time with my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.” He sighed tiredly. “I never thought I would live long enough to see the day that we would be able to go outside these walls.” He confessed. “And not once did I imagine myself as our worlds highest authority but, my number one duty, still is to the people of these walls. I knew as long as I protected the walls that the people would be safe. That has been all that has mattered to me. You’ve put me in a difficult situation Rico.” He turned around and smiled at her. She as well as Levi, wasn’t sure what to make of it. 

____

He went back to his seat looking pensive. 

____

“He was the one that told you about these allies, correct?” he stopped himself and shook his head. “No, there really is no doubt in my mind.” He smiled to himself as if amused. “Young Erwin Smith has always been a bit of an enigma.” 

____

A long time ago, Dot Pixis, remembered meeting a boy, far too well groomed, both in appearance and manner, for the Scouting Legion. The Scouting Legion who was known for drawing a certain type of individuals. Erwin Smith, based on appearance alone, did not fit that preconceived mold. 

____

He was too polite, too well mannered, too much of everything someone from the Survey Corps was not. He knew how to dance perfectly executed waltzes, knew the names of Noble families and affluent merchants and councilmen. The crisp sound of his Sina accent was no fake imitation. He charmed the patrons with well thought responses and stories when asked about the Legions expeditions. He had a charming smile and quick quip for young ladies and their mothers and for the men, a quick and well informed reply on politics, taxes and trade. That night the young and handsome Scout from the Survey Corps was the talk of the ball. 

____

Pixis was intrigued, however, he truly did not feel the full effect that was Erwin Smith until he played a game of chess against him. 

____

It was an impromptu game at the home of a wealthy merchant. A merchant that both the Garrison and Survey Corps were trying to woo into securing funds for new equipment. The man was a scoundrel, easy to please but on occasion, presented himself as difficult and demanding. 

____

That day was one of those days. 

____

He demanded a game of chess between a member of the Garrison and a Scout. Whoever would win would get the merchants funding for that year. They had looked to each other because surely the man was being unnecessarily difficult and acting stupid considering the terms that had already been drawn. Nevertheless, they acquiesced. 

____

Pixis had looked across from his seat to the Second in Command of the Survey Corps. A man all brawn and with little of anything else. He hadn’t been surprised to see Erwin Smith accompanying him. It seemed that the Scouts had taken note of the fame that the young Scout had stirred among the attendees at the ball. 

____

Pixis closed his eyes understanding the request. This was afterall a typical show of power by the upper class, so to speak. Already, the second in Command had broken into a sweat at the demand of the merchant, but Pixis was curious to see what the young Scout would do. He had a _feeling_ about him. 

____

Step up he did, just as Pixis thought he would. Feeling a sentiment of pity, Pixis had his own accompanying soldier take his place citing a fair fight.

____

Of course the merchant would not have it and in the end Pixis played against Erwin Smith. 

____

Pixis won that game but, regardless of the Garrison having secured an extra year worth of funding, Pixis had been adamant that the Survey Corps be given half promised, without the knowledge of the merchant, of course. 

____

He had not done it out pity. 

____

No. Erwin Smith had played exceptionally. ,

____

He had won of course but through a game of chess did Pixis often find the character of a man was revealed. He could see it then, as he replayed that game back in his room. If there were two things that Pixis loved was a good glass of alcohol and chess. Erwin Smith was young, that much was correct, but, he had a knack for chess, one that had caught his eye. 

____

He invited him formally to drop by whenever he had free time from the Scouts. They played many games. Games that eventually came to be victories for Erwin Smith. It was strange watching that boy grow before his eyes. Pixis had sons of his own but he wasn’t the least bit sorry to sometimes consider Erwin Smith a son. He knew he wasn’t the only one to make out Erwins character. Zackly was the same. 

____

They had had a long friendship and there were some things that they both agreed on. The nobles and monarchs were corrupt, the walls were getting very crowded and Erwin Smith was an enigma that would surely shake things as they were. 

____

He'd wondered, if eventually, with Erwin’s lost arm, Zackly would offer him the title of Supreme Premier or if their new Queen would snatch him up first, by having him as an advisor. 

____

In the end neither came to be. 

____

Then again Pixis had never been much a of a gambler. 

____

“What was it that he said that convinced you and the Commander, Rico?” 

____

Silver-tongued, Erwin may well be, but, Pixis did not doubt Rico Brzenska or Hange Zoe. They were both soldiers with a long and celebrated career within the military. For them to have acted so very fast as to forego the procedures when it came to decisions of the caliber that that they had taken well… it surely must have been urgent. 

____

Pixis listened attentive as Rico recounted the events following Erwins awakening, his immediate reaction and attack of Hange, his disbelief as he questioned the genuine reality of his presence among his old colleagues and then his unorthodox request to see and talk to the titan shifters in their custody. 

____

When Rico came to tell of his talk with Eren Jaeger, Pixis paused in confusion. 

____

“I don't understand? What did he do to Eren?” 

____

“I...that is. He asked him if he remembered him, to which Jeager confirmed that he did and then to trust him once more.” Rico herself was confused during this interaction. “He offered him a handshake and despite his hesitation, Jeager accepted it and then he, Jeager, fell asleep.” 

____

“Asleep?” Pixis frowned. 

____

“Yes, Erwin said that Jaeger had not had “a proper rest in a long time” and…” Rico frowned as she remembered what the first shift guards had reported. 

____

“What is it Rico?” 

____

“The first shift guard reported Eren not getting any sleep and he was awake when we came in. It’s not only that, they also reported hearing him talk to himself as well and repeatedly banging his head and saying over and “Shut up. Let me sleep. Be quiet” as he cried.” 

____

They were silent. 

____

“Captain?” Pixis turned to the quiet man still leaning against the wall. He had nearly forgotten him. “You have have been in charge of Eren Jaeger since the very beginning, is this something that you have witnessed personally, from Eren?” 

____

Levi was quiet for several beats before he gave his reply. 

____

“I’ve not exactly been with the brat 24/7 during all these year but I do recall, 5 years ago, after we let them out from the cells, Hange saying that he was speaking to himself. At the time I thought it was just a hormonal teenage phase but besides that no. If there have been instances his friend would know better. I can't really say I know him. He changed too much for it not to be noticeable. Whether that was due to the memories or powers he inherited, that’s anyone's guess.” 

____

“You’re right.” He turned to Rico. “Forgive the interruption, please continue.” 

____

Rico finished her briefing with no further interruptions by either men. Pixis was quiet as he soaked everything in. 

____

“So they should be back at noon then, just in time for when Nile and the other military figures arrive.“ 

____

“Yes. It will present the perfect opportunity for Erwin to reveal what he knows.” 

____

“Indeed it w---” 

____

There came a knock on the door. It opened and Anka walked in, a thick file in her hands. 

____

“Excuse me, Premier Pixis, just now…there was…” She hesitated, taking in Rico and Levi’s presence. 

____

After o many years spent in the company of each other, Pixis can well anticipate her query. 

____

“Yes, it is as you ,and I imagine, many others assume. That, just now, was the sound of titan transformations. Both, the Armour titan and the Cart titan wielders, are aiding Commander Hange, as we speak, on a mission. They should be back by noon. Now tell me what you have for me, dear Anka.” 

____

“Oh, I...” Anka cleared her throat. “The courier, sent overnight to retrieve Erwin Smith’s family documents, just arrived. I have them here for you. Should I have someone call for Arlert?” 

____

“No. That won’t be necessary. He is gone away with them as well. Leave them with me. I will go over them.” 

____

Anka stepped over to hand them to Pixis inquiring whether he liked to go over the new appointment for the vacant Garrison Commander post. He eyed Rico Brzenska and nodded. 

____

“I was waiting to do this later, once everyone from Sina would arrive but, I think now would serve better.” He stood up motioning for Rico and Levi to follow him to his private office. 

____

“Anka, if you will.” 

____

They watched as Anka withdrew a key from her breast pocket and opened a drawer behind his desk. 

____

“Squad Leader Rico Brzenska.” At her formal title she stood up straighter, her fist over her pounding heart. “You have served with the Garrison admirably and have shown leadership and intuition as well as a wise and patient demeanor far surpassing your young years. You exemplify the duty that is to _uphold order and peace_ within these walls. It is with great honor that I bestow upon you the title of 4th Garrison Commander.” 

____

Rico stood, eyes wide, as Anka held the box wherein the purple bolo tie laid. 

____

“Do you accept the post Rico Brzenska?” 

____

Rico could feel the tears well behind her eyes. She cleared her throat. 

____

“Yes. I do.” 

____

It was a ceremony without all the fanfare it usually required but it was perhaps a most heartfelt one as she inclined her head forward, so that her former Commander could secure the bolo tie over her head. She signed the necessary documents. Levi and Anka signed as witnesses. 

____

“I am sorry that this had to be done in such a humble way.” Pixis said extending his arm to shake her hand and then surprising her by leaning forward to embrace her. 

____

“You have made me very proud Rico. I’m sure that Ian would agree, wholeheartedly, with my decision.” he whispered for her alone to hear. 

____

“Thank you. I won’t let you down.” they parted, she once more saluting her former Commander. 

____

“I’m sorry that we can't linger any longer on celebrating but there are still many things that still need to be done before both parties arrive.” 

____

Such was the way of those burdened with humanities survival within the walls. 

____

Pixis stayed in his office with Levi, a request, that had, admittedly, not gone without the Captain’s clear disdain painted on his face. He bid Rico a short and blunt “congratulations” before taking a seat as he watched Anka and Rico leave. Both would foresee the Garrison and Scout regiments tasks while they waited on Hange and Nile.

____

“You haven’t said much, Captain.” Pixis remarked, sliding a glass of whiskey to Levi. 

____

“What’s there for me to say?” He replied, draining the contents of the glass in a gulp. 

____

“I thought you would surely storm out after Commander Hange and E---” 

____

Levi set down his glass hard on the desk. 

____

“The Commander clearly didn't mean for me to go and you know that. So why are you asking such obvious meaningless questions, Supreme Premier?” He gritted out. 

____

Pixis stared at the Captain, savoring the taste of the whiskey. The Captain was wound up and tense. Perhaps, maybe even nervous about something…? 

____

“I thought you would quit the Survey Corps when you came back.” 

____

“As if---” 

____

“Not when you came back from reclaiming Maria but when you came back from retrieving his body.” 

____

Levi froze. 

____

“I, and many, others could see how much his death affected you.” Pixis paused, remembering how quiet and small the Captain had seemed at the briefing, just a week after their return from Maria. 

____

“No one would have blamed you if you had. Not when the whole reason you were with us was because of him.” Pixis lit a cigar. “I’m glad you stayed. Had we lost both of you, I’m sure things would have been a bigger mess.” 

____

Levi scrunched his nose as the smell of brimstone reached him. He’d always hated the smell of cigarettes. 

____

“Why the fuck are you telling me this now?!” 

____

“I’m not sure myself. I suppose like you I’m feeling out of sorts. Perhaps old age is finally catching up to me?” He sighed wearily, the smoke spiraling out into the space between them. 

____

“Getting old sucks but it’s a luxury not many of us have within the walls and perhaps even for those outside the walls.” Pixis continued, eyeing the Captain and his injuries, the dark bruises under his eyes. 

____

Levi remained silent, watching the sun outside reflect off of the side of the glass. He raised his eyes to the stack of folders beside Pixis. 

____

“Well aren’t we gonna get started or will I have to sit hear as you continue with that filthy habit until they arrive?” 

____

Pixis laughed. “Eloquent and straight to the point as always, Captain.” 

____

They went through the documents in the quiet morning both trying to put together the puzzle that was Erwin Smith and uncover anything that might shed some light on the current situation. It was a fruitless task. As with many other records regarding families within the walls there were plenty of large gaps. This was especially true for the Smith family. His father having caught the “interest” of the Reiss family had led to much altering and missing information in their records. 

____

The bulk of the Smith family was a record of Erwins brief time in the orphanage and his many visits to doctors for bruises or broken bones. Visits that had the Captain clenching his fists. Half completed documents from prospective couples; a large portion of which were nobles and scholars, an order of orphanage transfer, of which the patron had been the younger brother of Rod Reiss, Uriel Reiss. All of those which contained “Erwin Smith vehemently declines etc.” and were signed by the neat and elaborate name of said person and then the orphanage directorial head. 

____

“How curious.” Pixis remarked. “It strikes me that they never thought to kill him.” 

____

“What do you mean?” taking his eyes from a young Erwin Smith signature. Levi looked up, thinking that his signature then, was very different from his as an adult. 

____

“Erwin told me that it was because of his _naive, foolishness_ as a child that his father was killed, yet they let him live. And to go as far as to offer him a spot in Uri Reiss’ orphanage thats---” 

____

“To me it sounds as though they just wanted to make up or feel better about killing his father by taking him in.” Levi countered. 

____

“Yes, perhaps but, that _orphanage_ that Uriel Reiss was patron of, is putting it lightly. It was more of a “ward” status. Had Erwin accepted he would be under the direct protection of the Reiss family. It means alot.” He took on a thoughtful tone. “I’ve met many of those Reiss wards. All of them very accomplished adults. Most of them have held high positions within the Wall Cult or the Military Police or Royal Council.” 

____

“So they fucking brainwashed kids? Some fucking protection!” Levi scoffed. 

____

“Yes well...not all of them did, they had the option.” Pixis sighed. “Still it’s concerning. Why would they choose to take him and offer him protection when they could just as easily kill him or better yet alter his memories.” Pixis handed the documents to Levi. 

____

“This is…” 

____

“Yes, it’s his records from when he was a trainee in the Cadet Corps. He was still letting his peers know of his fathers theories. So...” 

____

“So they either didn't bother altering his memories or they couldn’t.” Levis eyes were wide. 

____

“Precisely.” 

____

“How would they even know whether to---” Levi stopped. “His father. They tortured him. They wouldn’t necessarily need to in order to find out what he knew but they did so...because they couldn’t alter his memories. He met him. Uri Reiss attempted to alter them and, because he couldn’t, his theory was proven correct. There was no way his father would have been allowed to live once he had seen Uri Reiss.” 

____

“Yes, and again, why didn’t they kill Erwin? The cadet him? Supposing they had some scruples about killing orphaned children, why didn’t they when he grew older? His theories were pretty incriminating and, at the time, blasphemous and treasonous.” Pixis looked over the documents. “I’ve known people who have _disappeared_ for less. Yet, they ignored a young cadet spreading such damning information and theories. Or were they unaware of what he was spreading around? Either Erwin was an unforeseen and unpredictable thorn at their side or someone was making sure that none of that information was reaching the ears of the Reiss family.” 

____

Silence reigned as they thought of just _who_ or what had so seamlessly kept Erwin Smith from death. It was a fair question considering how much of an overlooked threat he would grow into. Pixis chuckled unexpectedly at that. 

____

“My, my how much do you think the nobles and Wall cultist and, dare I say, the Reiss in their opulent graves and prisons, regret letting a child Erwin Smith live? I wonder? To think that he would grow up to topple them from their pedestals.” he took a careful swallow from his glass. “Strange how life works, don't you think, Captain Levi?” 

____

Levi nodded and looked back down to the top ten rankings during Erwin time as a cadet. His name had been 4th on the list. He couldn’t help that brief feeling of unexplained pride he felt at seeing Erwins name of the list. 

____

He went back to look at his parents family histories. Neither of which contained any more information on the family. Both of his parents had been only children and died when Erwin was young, his mother during childbirth, something Levi never knew. Looking back he supposed it was why Erwin had never made much of a fuss about his birthday. He'd always been reluctant about any sort of celebration. Levi himself had not known when it had been. No until 2 years after he joined. 

____

It was very strange going through what amounted to the entirety of someone's life on some plain pieces of paper. Ultimately, there really was nothing that explained how or why the Smiths were immune to the mind altering of the Reiss, or why nothing had been done about Erwin spreading his father’s theories as a young cadet. 

____

The more the sun spread around the office, the more Levi became aware of just how imminent their meeting drew. The anger he had felt toward Hange and Rico, about keeping Erwin’s awakening and then, leaving him behind, the more drained he felt. It was as if he had not slept at all. 

____

He couldn’t help but wonder whether Hange had told him about what happened on the roof. What he thought. If he hated Levi for not giving the serum to him. If he blamed him for what happened, because of his choice, to him and to everyone else? 

____

If he would be willing to forgive Levi for abandoning him? 

____

There was a knock on the door announcing the arrival of Commander Dok and the other Military leaders. 

____

Levi closed his eyes briefly. It was time. 

____

He stood up awkwardly, avoiding Pixis and his weary sighs. 

____

They gathered everyone in the meeting room. The same one used five years ago. Pixis briefed Nile and any that had been absent in yesterday's meeting. Halfway, Rico came in and interrupted Pixis. Not that they needed her announcing them back. 

____

Everyone heard the ruckus from within the room. 

____

Levi couldn’t help it as he got up and followed Rico out. Behind him he could hear Pixis begin explaining their arrival. 

____

When they got to the grounds they saw why there had been so much noise. There was a titan with them and a group of unknown soldiers (Levi could tell they were military) and then there was a group of Military Police that were embracing those strangers. A strange sight indeed. 

____

None as strange as the the sight of a woman embracing Erwin Smith, the minute he climbed down the cart strapped on the back of the titan. 

____

He barely registered Rico cursing beside him about he knew not what. 

____

All Levi could see was Erwin holding that woman’s face between his hands, gently and with a tender look, before kissing their forehead. 

____

The intake of breath that Levi had taken at the sight of his golden hair, got caught in his throat. He was blinded red by the sight. He felt it that it would last forever, that moment before him. The sight of that embrace. 

____

It had been five years. 

____

Five years. 

____

Two of which, he spent traveling to other lands. 

____

_Levi felt like a fool._

____

He turned around before Rico could call out to them. Before _he_ could glimpse him. 

____

He didn’t know what he'd been expecting. 

____

_It had been five years._

____

Everything changed in five years. 

____

But nothing would change with Erwin or Levi. 

____

They were the same. _Their relationship was the same. It would be the same._

____

They had always been friends and comrades. Nothing more. 

____

Levi clenched his jaw. He felt his heart tremble and flinch in pain. 

____

“Fuck.” 

____

He leaned against the cold stone of the wall, the pain of his leg shocking and pulsing through him. A reminder of his inadequacy...of how very _wrong_ he was to think, to consider the possibility that…

____

He took a shuddering breath. It felt as though he’d breathed in jagged stones that cut the inside of his chest. 

____

_Fuck._

____

Levi felt like a fool. 

____

. 

____

. 

____

. 

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who remembers Jan/Yan from ACWNR?  
> To those who've read The Monster is Passed On I got the sudden inspiration for it while writing that scene with Levi and Pixis discussing Erwin. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter. I took so long on it because I realized I had forgotten about Annie and Porco in Marley.Hopefully I'll post soon!


	8. Incalescent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Info dump...hopefully not too overwhelming or boring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologize for the delay. I'm so slow at editing and no matter how much I went over it, I was still left unsatisfied with some parts but this is it, I couldn't delay any longer.  
> Please note that I will be making obvious references to a war in this chapter. I think you'll all know which.

. 

. 

. 

_The titan research team were in their infancy when I became a part of it. I was an assistant. It was hardly difficult and I can’t say it didn't fascinate me. I was young and, as anyone back then, was willing to do what I could. It was easier in the beginning. Take blood samples, observe, hypothesized etc. Eventually things took a turn. Especially when the war started._

. 

. 

The courtyard is overcrowded when Hange and company arrive. With so many carts and wagons from the Military Police, it was impossible to keep Nellie exposed to as little people as possible. Thankfully the citizens at least had been kept in the dark. 

Scouts and Garrison personale were still trying to corral the horses into the stables. They were lucky, if one could call it that, that nearly all of the Military Police had used wagons instead of horses. The Scout Headquarters had little room to spare for so many horses, despite the casualties of last night’s battle. 

Hange felt themselves breathe a sigh of relief, having had the foresight to send a courier ahead of their arrival back from Aldebaran. They had kept the noise, as Nellie came into view, to a minimum. Still, it was a sight to behold as Nellie, a titan, made her appearance with people riding on her back. 

As a simple precaution, Jean and Mikasa had both chosen members of their Squads to stay behind at the old scouts outpost. Transparency was exactly what Hange made sure their new allies were aware off. There had been no attempt to show that they would not easily trust these so called “allies,” despite Erwin. They had lost too much already to pretrense.

Loras had agreed, eager to show that they meant no harm and would continue to honor their claims. 

Their group was left with the Scouts and Garrison soldiers stationed there. It was an easy deliberation considering how exhausted the majority were. Some had set up tents (stored in spare barrels) as soon as they arrived and immediately fell asleep. Aside from tents, the barrels had been packed with other essentials. 

Considering everything, Hange appreciated that they had not brought weapons with them. All in all, Erwin proved truthful when it came to their new allies as such Hange felt that it warranted the chains coming off. They also suggested a much needed bath which had made Erwin chuckle when Hange confessed that they had found Erwin awfully rank with the still persisting smell of titan saliva. 

“That and you should really should get your beard shaved and your hair trimmed before we meet with Pixis and the others. I imagine me presenting you as Erwin Smith will have them doing a double take in your current appearance.” 

While Erwin bathed and groomed himself, Loras picked five among his team that would accompany them back. Once Erwin had been done and provided with clothes they set out on their way back to Rose. 

. 

. 

_They were doing experiments of their own and when they contacted us on a collaboration none saw a reason to decline. They were a spreading power through Europe and their rhetoric was strong and propaganda even more so. By then, most of the stories involving “Titans” and Eldians were merely myth. It had been a long time since the start of those wars and the birth of the titans. But for our people it would never be a myth. They were real, even as Eldians spread and settled world wide as time went on._

. 

. 

They were sneaking their way to the ghetto after splitting up. 

Annie and her team would canvas the ground and watch for potential snipers hiding in the building while Porco’s team infiltrated the communications watchtower. They all agreed to not venture close to where the fighting was occurring. They hoped to find someone that knew what was happening and let them know of what had occurred on Paradis. Of course that was easier said than done. 

They had to be sure that whomever they found were to be trusted. Most importantly, they had to be sure to stay hidden themselves.. Zeke and Hitomi’s spies an ever present threat in their minds. 

They used the underground sewer system to remain undetected as they made their way through the city. Once they reached the ghetto, they went above ground as the sewer system below the ghetto cut off and was kept separate from the main one. Years before, this had been done with the intent of isolating any potential and wayward traitors and to keep them from trying to escape or cause trouble as the Restorationalist had done years prior. 

There had been no one manning the gates. 

The bodies of both guards had been left out in the open - without their weapons and in the nude. They had been brutally beaten until they were unrecognizable. 

There was no doubt that it was a warning. 

They passed them in a hurry - the flies were still buzzing over congealing wounds - sparring no additional glances. 

Heading toward the very open courtyard they stuck to the smaller streets, avoiding potential lookouts from the taller buildings. They encountered no enemies or threats.. 

As Porco and his team entered the communication and surveillance building they are hit with the smell of iron and rot. The floors were covered in puddles of dried blood, footprints and streaks where bodies appeared to have been dragged. The once white walls splattered with blood and left with holes from fired weapons. They tread careful of blood and bullet casings on the floor. This kind of depraved violence so close to their home is what unsettles them. But, they are warriors and they carry on, tense and weary. Silent, except for the explosions far away. 

Just like the other communications center, outside of the ghetto, this one appeared to be empty. Porco hopes that they would be able to find a still functional communications system. The one they had gone to first had been destroyed. 

They come to a stop as they climbed the stairs to the upper floors. 

Above them they hear footsteps. 

Porco signals to the others to follow his lead. He would go on ahead first and the rest would act as his back up. If anything should happen he would be able to transform and be able to get them out. 

On the second level, nervous sweat streamed down their necks and the pounding of their hearts was deafening. He could hear the steps - closer, louder, clearer - as he reached the third floor. 

He leaned against the wall and took a slow, deep breath. He put his finger up, a signal to the rest, a further ways down from him, to get ready. 

Three. 

Two. 

One. 

He pushed himself away from the wall, the weapon in his hand aimed right at whatever, _whomever_ would be around the corner. 

He stopped, his finger on the trigger tightening just the slightest. 

“Identify yourself.” he barked, voice tight. 

The weapon aimed at him doesn't move an inch. The person behind it clearly comfortable wielding it. 

He can't see who they are. They wear the Marley uniform and the band around their arm but then...there’s the mask. 

Porco hasn’t seen a mask like it before. Not on anyone he had ever fought against. 

He’s trying to steady his breathing. Showing fear will be of no help. He starts to question whether he should transform or not? It’s a weighted decision, another burden added to the already sinking weight somewhere within him. 

“Identify yourself!” He bellows, the nervous sweat sliding down his temple. He can feel his body temperature rising. A side effect of being a vessel of any one of the 9 titans. 

_Shit._ He panics. _They’ll be able to tell who he is._

He is sure that the person behind the rifle will fire at any minute. 

“Are you with whomever left the bloody massacre downstairs?” 

He doesn’t expect the question, doesn’t expect the voice to sound so feminine. 

“No. Are you?” 

“No.” 

They lower their weapon first and Porco follows next. 

“My name is Lina. Me and my team got here about 2 hours ago.” 

She removes her mask and Porco can't help but admire how beautiful she is. 

“We came as soon as we heard the planes fly over.” he can tell she is still tense. “Did you notice that most of Marley is a ghost town?” 

“Yes.” He motions to the two behind him. “We checked the headquarters outside and---” 

“The headquarters? Are there some of your people there now?!” 

“Yes, they---” 

“We have some of our own there too. Do you have a way to communicate with them? I don't want any unnecessary confrontations, you get me?” Lina is taking out a walkie talkie from her side and Porco sees Harold takes his own. 

“How many people do you have in your team? Are there more? because we have another group outside.” 

Lina looks back at Porco and proceeds to tell them of their group. She leads them to the communications center location after relaying both of their teams to expect company in their perspective locations. Meanwhile, she gives a run down of what is happening near the border. 

“The fighting began early, two days ago. It’s the Mid-East Allied Forces. They reconvened under the support and leadership of the Hizuru Ambassador and her generals.” 

_Fuck._

“You don't seem too surprised at the news?” It must show on their faces. “Did you come from the battle field?” 

“In a manner of speaking…” Porco takes a leap of faith. “I’m the holder of the Jaw titan.” 

At his sides both Harold and Terry freeze at him revealing his identity so easily. Lina stops, a look of surprise crossing her face followed by one of realization. 

“Ah, shit! You came from Paradis then.” She starts walking faster. “That’s good news. We haven’t been able to reach anyone on Paradis. Those Zeke fuckers messed up all the communications lines and we haven’t been able to get them up.” 

Her revelation makes him pause. “How do you know about Zeke? Who the fuck are you?!” 

. 

. 

_They performed experiments on the humans imprisoned of their own. During their compiling of genetics testing they noticed the anomalies that were present in our blood. Eldian blood is richer and able to replenish faster despite incredible blood loss. It’s one of the reasons you were able to survive your severed arm. Of course with massive and extreme bodily harm this ability that we have means nothing. Afterall, we too are human._

_This particular trait allowed for the identification of those with Eldian blood and it made it easier for the governments to round them up after the third wave of mass titan attacks. This was what started the Marley rebuttal then the war and consequently led to the Fritz family schism._

_When that war came to its end and spies within their ranks and the Marley caught wind of the titan research. They raided the lab and facilities used for this research and killed many including the subjects. Those scientists were one of the first ones to be turned into titans. Including myself._

_Unlike what is believed, this island has always existed. It felt like years - as I wondered as a titan - in reality it was weeks before I changed back. It was close to the forest of giant trees that I awoke. Almost immediately, I was found and surrounded by titans. They would have eaten me. If it weren't for a peculiar ability. One I did not know I possessed._

_Nellie was the first titan I was able to communicate with and we've been together ever since._

. 

. 

The minute Erwin climbs down from the cart atop Nellie, she embraces him. 

Its been a long time since they saw each other and by now they, _she_ must know what became of Kaede, her fiance. 

He holds her back tightly whispering how sorry he is for the mission ending with their exposure and eventual capture. Kaede, as they’d known him had died. He kisses her forehead and cups her face, wiping the tears from her eyes, a request he had asked of him before they came and dragged Kaede from his cell. He wishes that there was a way for him to find the proper words to let her feel some relief but he can find none. 

Grieff is both a universal and deeply unique personal experience. 

“He wanted me to tell you that he hated the colour of the kitchen.” 

She laughs, her voice thick when she whispers. 

“That fucking liar.” 

“He loves you and your child.” He offers her a smile. 

She smiles back and he can see her resolve and the soldier within her come back to the surface. Hana will fine. She’s a strong woman, just as Kaede had said. 

“I’m glad to see you at least made it back.” She swallows. “We both knew what the risks were when he agreed to the mission. Despite the drawbacks, we can still succeed.” Her voice is sure and Erwin draws strength from the determination in her olive eyes. 

He nods at her and only notices the others looking at him once Marcia clears her throat. She had always been quite the impatient one. It’s within reason when he realizes the confusion on Hange’s face. Marcia and Hana are, after all, wearing the Military Police uniform, as are the others. Furthermore, they also have made no effort to hide their joy and relief at the arrival of Loras, Nellie and the others. 

_So the Underground tunnels had worked after all._

“Erwin, you---” 

“--Have some explaining to do.” Erwin offers her a hopefully placating smile. 

He spies Rico approaching. His eyes stray to the steps, perhaps he had imagined it but he thought he'd seen…

He shook the thought away. 

“You’re timing is impeccable as always Smith. Eren has just woken up and Premier Pixis should be just about done briefing Commander Dok and the others. I take it that the Commander.” she nods towards Hange. “Has briefed you and them on what happened yesterday?” 

“Yes, the Commander has.” Erwin pauses his answer and peers at Rico. “It may be late and unnecessary on my part but congratulations on your new title, Commander Brzenska.” 

At his side Hange turns their attention from him to Rico and opens her arms wide. Rico makes a face at Erwin before decidedly walking away, ignoring Hange. The new Commander orders all of them to get a move on before a riot starts inside regarding all the outrageous revelations Pixis has most likely just un-loaded onto the close minded Military Police Commander and the rest. The Garrison Commander vanishes back up the stairs, unflinching as she eyes Nellie, who nods back at her. 

Behind Erwin, he hears Hana confirm to Loras that they have brought everything necessary with them. He means to help them unload and set up but thinks better of it when Hange takes his arm and leads him away from them. He had the intention to explain himself when Hange simply shakes their head. Erwin wonders that it’s only been a few hours and already he is causing Hange trouble. 

He passes Pieck and Reiner who stare, wondering how exactly they, these foreigners, managed to sneak, and transport with them, a projector? They can see the confusion on the Paradis soldiers faces. They have, likely, not seen or heard of this machine before. It makes them realize how organized and _real_ everything that had happened, and had yet to happen, was. They only hoped that at long last the mystery surrounding the titans, Zeke and the Hizuru Ambassador would come to light. 

Perhaps it was too much to hope for that whatever else the foreigners had brought with them, they would be able to use and manage contact with Marley. 

. 

. 

_I returned back to Marley twice, the first time was in the midst of the ongoing war with Marley. It was then I came across Eren Krueger alias The Owl._

. 

. 

Levi is the one to escort Eren into the conference room. 

He’d been stopped by one of the Garrison soldiers and told of Eren awakening. It offered him a distraction from his cynical thoughts and he had gone back with him to the holding cells. 

Eren had already been up and sitting on the bed. As soon as he spotted the Captain he stood and apologized. 

“I’m so sorry Captain, for everything. I let myself be so easily influenced by my emotions, again and again. You and the others had---” 

“Eren, that’s enough!” He almost feels bad when he watches his eyes flinch back in shock. Still, it’s not like it’s Eren’s fault that he’s in a foul mood and...He sighs. 

“I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but during all these years I never once had the chance to say how much I regret that you felt that you were unable to talk, to _trust_ us with whatever was happening with you.” 

He stepped forward, through the entrance, and placed in hand on Eren’s shoulder. 

“Eren, forgive me. I admit that, for a time, all I considered you was a weapon. I’ve taken some time to reflect on the ways that we could have avoided everything becoming what it is now...and blame lies with us all. Not just Zeke or you or Marley. It was all of us that become arrogant with the power we wielded.” 

Eren's eyes are wide and Levi sees the tears pool and slide down his haggard face. He has always been reminded of Isabel whenever he looked at Eren. He peers thoughtfully at Eren, still looking pathetic, and thinks that perhaps it’s ok to reveal this to him. 

“I have never told you this but you remind me of someone I loved very much.” 

Eren feels his himself draw a breath, having never heard the Captain use that word before. _Love._

“Her names was Isabel and she was my sister. We were not related by blood ties but, I think you understand that blood has nothing to do when it comes to family.” 

Eren nods back thinking of Mikasa and Armin and all his friends. He feels regret and anguish cross his heart once more. He’s done them so much harm. 

“She died on our first expedition as Scouts and even now I can’t help but blame myself for her death and for those in my Squad back then.” He turns to look at Eren. “Do you remember what I told you in the forest about making the choice that you would least regret? It’s fucking hard to not look back and regret. I know you’re feeling that right now but it’s done. It can't be changed. All you can do is move forward.” he ends solemnly. 

Levi thinks of Erwin on the rooftop, of him laying on the bed, face covered in a strangers house. Bleeding on the ground below the tree. On the bed surrounded by doctors and nurses, of the embracing couple on the grounds, just minutes before. 

_It can't be changed. All you can do is move forward._

The conference room is in an uproar as they enter. 

Nile is on his feet, his face gone red and Hitch trying to get him to take a seat. 

“How can you speak such lies about him and expect _me_ to believe you?!” He splutters. “He can't...he simply can’t.” He stops his tirade when he spots Levi and Eren make their way to their seats. 

“You. Levi, surely you can talk some sense into Pixis and his lies about..about _him_ coming back from the dead.” A sound like a bark comes from Nile and it only makes Levi feel pity for the rat-faced bastard. 

“Nile, sit down before you make a bigger embarrassment of yourself.” Nile’s face turns purple, a color not all becoming of him. 

“Pixis isn’t lying. I’ve seen him.” 

Levi confirms in his usual flat tone. Nile pales and there’s a moment where Levi is sure that he will keel over but Hitch is there to lead him back down to his seat. He is blinking owlishly at Levi. Taking a cue from the Military Commander they others follow suit. At the head of the conference room, Pixis stands up his face displaying frustration at the whole debacle and their reactions. 

“I realize how everything has been one continuous shock after another. I assure you that you are not the only ones in disbelief or feel as though all reason and reality has left us in a state of continued panic.” He pauses gathering his thoughts. 

“There is very little for us to do but accept this information as truth for now. I have questions of my own and you all have yours as well. Hopefully we will be hearing answers soon. Captain Levi, I take it that they have arrived?” 

Levi nods back at him just as Rico opens the side door. She approaches Pixis to whisper in his ear that _they_ are ready. He nods back and Rico leaves once more. Pixis stands up 

“ Commander Hange is back from Aldebaran district. Our questions will soon have answers and at the very least we can gather a clearer picture of what we are to do next.” 

Rico had, by then, gone back to the hallway and now was leading a woman and man, both wearing Military Police uniforms, as they pushed a rolling table with an unfamiliar machine atop of it. 

Many eyes are on the two figures, moving the strange contraption to the back of the room. But, for Pixis and Nile and, a few others, they are fixed on the entrance to the door. Waiting in considerable anticipation the return of a comrade and friend. 

The door opens with Rico at the lead and then Hange and he. 

Nile can't help the exhale, not even noticing himself holding his breath. He had expected an imposter despite everything but...he would know that figure anywhere. 

For a minute he is unable to breathe. There have been so many of his classmates that he has lost and he had made his peace with that. This, to see one come back and, not just any other, but the one he'd considered a brother above all else...it’s simply far beyond anything he could ever imagine. Denial sits, there, on his tongue. He wants to call out this imposter who wears his face and yet...he can't help but rejoice in having his brother returned. 

He wants to reach out and clap him on the shoulder, the way he had, when Erwin had woken up after he fell from that horse during their cadet days but, those days seem so very long ago. Like a dream. They are both men now. Changed by the paths they took and the violence and war that perpetuates their lives and humanity. Now, Nile needs to hear him speak, for he won’t know for sure if it is _Erwin_ until he does so. Then, only then, will he finally feel _accept_ that he is back. 

Pixis stands up as Erwin makes his way to the front of the assembly.

“I did not think we would cross paths again so soon. I expected our next meeting to be in Hell.” Erwin smiles as he reaches to shake his wrinkled hand. 

“I am afraid to say that I thought the same.” 

“You’ll tell us, won’t you?” Pixis directs his gaze to those assembled. “How is it that you managed to cheat death and to have him grant you your arm back. I expect it is quite a tale, is it not Erwin Smith?” 

Erwin looks closely at the lines new and old engraved on Dot Pixis face before looking to all the Military gathered for the briefing. 

“I suppose one could call it that.” 

_Unapologetically evasive as always._

“What would you call it?” 

Erwin is amused at the Premiers raised eyebrow. Smiling he answers. 

“Luck.” 

There is murmuring around the assembly before Pixis calls everyone to order and then he leaves the floor to Erwin who steps forth into a familiar role. It’s amazing how easily he feels “The Commander” seep into his bones, his blood, his mentality, himself. 

He scans the room slowly, behind him, the large white cloth he had requested to be hanged, flutters as he moves. 

“I see familiar faces among you,” his voice rings and echoes. He fixes his gaze on Nile and slowly they nod at each other. He can’t help it when his gaze is drawn to him. He holds it briefly, something hardly noticeable, and when he gets not reaction in return he continues, averting his gaze. “But, for those of you who don't recognize me let me introduce myself.” 

In his seat, Levi takes a deep breath, his knee itching to bounce. He ignores the urge, nails digging into his palms, the ache from his injured fingers throbbing sweetly. He swallows despite the knot in his throat. The urge to vomit ever present. 

“My name is Erwin Smith, I was the previous Commander of the Survey Corps.” 

He hears whispered words and intakes of breath. 

Because they have all heard of Erwin Smith. They know who he is, who he was. To hear him say that he was the previous Commander seems silly. He was, but he also was much more than that simple title. He was - _is_ \- the man who changed their world. The one who transformed the Scouts, uncovered the Female Titan, left a wreckage of Stohess and was nearly put to death after being tortured by the Central MP. And still, somehow, managed the overthrow the corrupt monarchy. He transformed the Scouting Legion and was the one who led and planned the mission to retake wall Maria. The who led the Suicide charge against the Beast Titan. 

They _knew_ who this man was. 

Erwin Smith was a name - a man - of legend. 

For those who had never seen him, he looked nothing like how they had heard him described by others. 

They spoke of a tall man, with a solid build, elegant with straightforward gaze, who supposedly possessed a silver tongue that could rival the Devil himself. In fact, they called him a devil, cold eyed and handsome, easily swaying those to his side. Why he had even seduced the leader of the legendary underground gang. Had that not been the rumors surrounding the Captain of the Scouts. The man before them seemed someone else entirely. 

He was handsome, that much was true, but he was thin, willowy even. The sharpness of his cheek bones and the long, slightly wavy, hair made him appear like the youthful bachelor sons from nobles, or soft academics from Rose University. 

It was only when he directed his gaze and introduced himself that they could see the man that everyone talked off. He had a powerful voice and his eyes were sure and hard as he addressed them. The stance was military, familiar. 

“I’m sure Command---forgive me, Premier Pixis has explained the current situation so I won’t take time to address that. It will be easier if I begin from the aftermath of the Maria Reclamation Mission.” 

In his seat Levi inhaled, frozen. 

“I don't have any recollection except for leading the charge against the Beast titan, now identified as Zeke Jaeger. I woke up a month after we first set off.” He paused and looked to the back as Marcia and Sal had signaled him. 

Images appear behind him, projected onto the whute screen. 

“Behind me you see a map of the entire island. I woke up in this place, a mountainous range Northeast of Shinganshina. There was a woman there.” The slide switched and a black and white picture of a young woman appeared on the screen. 

“This is she. She told me her name was Galena Koval and she was a scientist during the original titan experiments nearly 150 years ago.” Erwin ignores their reaction to that information. 

“I can't tell you the “how” of how she found me. She never revealed how exactly she treated my injuries. As Commander Hange has told me, I would be dead and, by all accounts, I should be dead given the severity of my injuries. I can only say that she must have used her knowledge of titans and their unique regenerative abilities to heal my injured side. Those first 2 weeks were riddled with answers to questions about titans that I and many shared. It was an incredibly wrought experience for not only did she reveal her knowledge about the titans but so did she reveal her ability to communicate with them. One of the first things she did was to introduce me to one of her many titan friends. Nellie was the first. She is the one that accompanied me back from Aldebaran district.” 

In his seat Pixis covers his surprise at the news of titans instead looking to Hange and Rico. 

_I see...Not everything was revealed to me, clever girls._

“I stayed with them for nearly a year and a half.” 

In his seat Levi startles at that revelation. _He was here...for nearly two years…_

“She told me there was a way to rid the world of the titans. It would require time and she needed someone who would be able to travel to the other lands. She couldn’t leave as there was still work to be done on the Island. So I set of for Japan. The land from where the Hizuru ambassador hails from.” 

Erwin talked at length about the young women - her image clearer in Eren’s mind - about the Ackermans being an accident. A test subject that got out of hand, he explained, that injected a guard with the intended vial of serum for them. 

“They didn’t notice at first and when they did, members of the Reiss Kings guard volunteered themselves.” 

The image switches to one of 30 individuals in uniform, men and women, nearly all with dark hair and eyes. Their resemblance uncanny. The two among the assembled freeze. This is the first time they have seen so many bearing the name “Ackerman.” 

It was so easy for the King to ask for volunteers. They would help cull the continued unrest amongst the nobility, he tells them. Despite their loyalty they cared for the civilians. When the King leaves to the Walls, only a few of them remain. Most die buying time for the King and the civilians that willingly followed him. The remainder get exterminated by the King’s orders when they question his will inside the Walls. Of course he had not counted on those skills and abilities having been ingrained so much as to become a helix of their own entwined in their DNA. And so, from one surviving origin did the two remaining Ackerman sprout. 

When there are no questions the image before them switches to a man familiar to Eren, and known by name to the others. 

. 

. 

_I knew his mother. She had been a part of genetic and embryonic testing. I did not know how she escaped from the raided facilities. In fact it was she that found me. I was with her while she gave birth and, after, when she died, I looked after him until they found us and separated us._

_During the experiment to achieve the perfect soldiers many tests and abilities were brought forth. Heightened senses - smell, sight, intuition etc. - and extraordinary abilities but, never in conjunction, all separate and individual. In the case of Eren Krueger, he was special. For he was the first to successfully acquire foresight._

_No one knew except me. I have always had the suspicion that his mother had the same ability. Why she was able to find me? Why she knew my name? I guided him, taught him not to reveal that to anyone. For despite his impressive ability, it was a double edged sword. His foresight was not set in stone. It was an ability that was fickle and chaotic. They were not concrete visions of future or past, merely different paths. Kruegers ability was unreliable, even more so when he acquired the Attack Titan, the agent of freedom but, most accurately, a harbinger of chaos._

_The fact that he acquired it was supposed to happen. There are two titans that, throughout history remained elusive. Despite being passed on the same as the others, they do not take. More than once, Eldian warriors, have been left mindless titans because the Attack Titan did not present. It chooses its wielder and, if it does not recognize or find a suitable bearer, it remains dormant until such time, a suitable candidate is born._

_I tempered Eren’s visions with medicine, concoctions of my own, to allow the child peace. His unconscious mind was riddled with dreams and nightmares too violent and dark for a child. Left on their own, those visions of different paths, would lead anyone to madness. I suppose in a way Eren was led to madness, then Grisha, then Eren Jaeger._

. 

. 

His emerald eyes widen and his hands shake and finally _everything_ makes sense. Those _memories_ that never fit anywhere, never made sense, finally do. _Visions, foresight._

_“If you want to save them all. Mikasa, Armin, and the others…”_

Real. 

The one of Zeke and that woman...False. 

The one of a boy behind the window and that toy car...Real. 

The one of a dark woods covered in Scouts bodies...Eren shudders and closes his eyes. “False.” 

There others he cannot decipher the authenticity of; that same woman with a newborn, an unknown titan bursting blood from it’s stomach. A shadow with winged appendages. Eren falling from a balloon to his death. _Icarus._ The sound of a horn in the distance, echoing and awakening the Colossal titans in the walls. 

.

. 

_“Erwin, ask Eren Jaeger if he has them...perhaps you might not have to. If things go as planned you’ll simply know when you come in contact with him. I…am afraid to ask how he acquired them...I believe the cause is his father.”_

. 

. 

“Eren.” 

A Sharp jab on his side. The Captain. He blinks, looks up, everyone's attention on him. Commander Erwin’s eyes burning with apologetic intent. 

“This part I need your permission Eren. Can I tell them or would you like to? About your father?” 

Blue eyes lock on wide green eyes. 

_The injection, the steam, the burning, in the basement._

Real. 

He stands up and swallows, holds Erwin Smith’s gaze as he tells them, _admits to himself,_ what his father did to him. 

. 

. 

_He was a doctor… I think you know...It’s terrible but as I said memories of past holders, especially Kruegers, can drive anyone to commit atrocities, even to one's own children. Grisha Jaeger was already very much jaded...he was easily influenced both, to achieve redemption and freedom._

_He was, perhaps, a cursed man as well and unwillingly he cursed many, including his youngest son…_

. 

. 

“He was as much a pawn as I, thanks to Kruegers abilities.” 

Mikasa and Armin hold onto each other hand/s gripped tightly at Eren revelation. As if sensing their guilt and pain he breaks his gaze from the Commander and tells them. 

“There would have been nothing you could have done. My mother could do nothing and I only know because of his memories.” When Mikasa opens her mouth, tears sliding down her pale face, he adds. “He stopped when you came to live with us.” 

There is an uncomfortable silence broken as Eren sits back down. His hands shake. 

_Be calm. It will be over soon._

His eyes are wide as they connect with blue again. The heat and anger settle, the calm comes. 

Erwin takes a drink of water, feeling the heat, and then tells of how, before, they, “Kaede and others” reached Japan they were caught and imprisoned by the Hizuru Ambassador. 

“We met in Laoag and confirmed that a priest had indeed helped create a seal for the Reiss to reinforce the Colossal titans. They were descendents of the Shogun from the time of the first Reiss King. They are called _Kamunushi_ and Kiyomi, the current ambassador is practiced in the same art. She is what is called a _Miku._ ” 

Erwin draws his gaze to Mikasa. 

“I’ve been told you have a seal on you.” The image changes behind him. “This is it, correct?” 

Mikasa feels her skin burn beneath her concealed wrist. She nods back. 

. 

. 

_An Ackerman and an Azumabito. One for a bond and one for the seal._

. 

. 

“Zeke and Kiyomi exchanged information regarding the titans and these seals.” 

A chair scrapes loudly on the floor. 

“This sounds completely blasphemous! Seals, people binding Gods…!” A thick man interrupts, red in the face. Few among him wear the same incredulous look. 

“I assure you there is very little that I am not willing to believe at this point. Frankly as I know you to be of the former Wall cultist, I don't put much stock in your thoughts.” 

The man sputters indignantly at Erwin's response before he is forced back to his seat. 

. 

. 

_That is why you will go to Japan. They have the scroll detailing the seal. Along the way you will meet with the others, and if all goes well the titans should finally be set free from their nightmares. But you must remember Erwin, you mustn't be caught. I fear Zeke already has an idea of what is happening and he has probably let Kiyomi know to be on her guard… One seeks destruction and the other control and power._

. 

. 

“As you can imagine, I and my allies got caught and were consequently turned over to Zeke and the Marley scientists. You are, I’m sure, aware of their goal to recreate the success of the Ackerman soldiers. They tried to do so with us. Probably a move of retribution for our having successfully journeyed all the way to the Philippines undetected. They took special care to try to find out as much as they could about us and when they were unsuccessful they took their methods further. Of the 7 they capture all but me and Kaede remained.” 

. 

. 

_Erwin can't focus on what's happening. His head throbs painfully._

_“Don’t move,” his mind seems to say. He grunts as he hears shouts and arguing around him. He catches words like “mother” or “grandma” can't tell through the ringing in his ears._

_There’s a loud clap or slap._

_Besides him, a body drops with a heavy sound._

_“Get her back up and lock her inside. Don’t let anyone inside until I say so.”_

_Erwin watches as they pick her up. He long dark hair wet with the crimson blood pooled on the floor. ___

____

_“Take them to the underground prison and bring Hatake to them.” ___

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

Erwin pauses then, looking back at Marcia and Sal. 

______ _ _

He goes on to explain their goals with their experiments including one titled _Icarus._ Eren, from his seat, inhales sharply at the familiar name. 

______ _ _

“When they were successful with regrowing my arm and saw the regenerative abilities that transpired from it, they focused on finding a way for other appendages to grow.” 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

_“I did not think it would work.”_

______ _ _

_“I believe we can proceed to the next step. This, it’s the closest we've come.”_

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

From the back of the room Commander Hange calls out. 

______ _ _

“This is _Icarus,_ isn’t it? Their attempt at successfully creating a serum that would allow titans or, I imagine, what they really wanted, a way to give a titan shifter the ability to fly.” 

______ _ _

They look at Erwin piercingly. 

______ _ _

“Were they successful?” 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

_Fire courses through him, beneath his skin. Different, much different from what she gave him. The thirst he feels is unquenched as blood pools and overflows in his mouth. The blood is acidic and burns holes through his tongue, cheeks, lips, and jaw. He hears snaps along his back and watches his forearm boil and bubble and then bursts- blood spattering his face. The white spokes burst and as he looks, dazed, to the window he sees the triumphant smiles on their faces._

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

Erwin holds her gaze before replying. 

______ _ _

“No. They were not.” He turns away. “However, they underestimated the healing abilities I acquired thanks to them.” Hi eyes travel to Loras and Hana and the others. “The others, in the end they were exposed to a gas and turned into titans. The titan that brought me here was one of them. This was right before they brought me here. I do not know what happened to the others. I can only think that with Zeke’s control over them, he ordered them to attack while one brought me to him when the time was right.” 

______ _ _

“That titan that dropped you before Zeke was one of them?” Hange again, ever brilliant. 

______ _ _

“Yes.” 

______ _ _

Erwin can feel the weight of Hana’s gaze, wondering if it was Kaede. If she asks he’ll deny it. 

______ _ _

When there aren’t any more questions Erwin motions to his side. From his seat Levi’s eyes widen in recognition. He had kept his gaze straight ahead, never once resting on the speakers’ figure, and so he had never noticed him. 

______ _ _

_Yan?_

______ _ _

“Zeke followers are still alive and just as much as threat. The other is Kiyomi. The current state of Paradis means that the walls are at a disadvantage and they will take this chance to attack. It’s been less than a day since yesterday’s battle and our numbers are severely depleted. Much less than what the enemies have. Which is why the titans that are now allied with us will be a benefit and a necessity, as are the Loras and the others.” 

______ _ _

Protests and speculations about Erwin's statement erupt. It is Loras who quiets them. 

______ _ _

“I don’t know you and you don't know me.” He starts. “Marley and even our own governments are not a reflection of its people. You had a King that took your history and memories from you and we have leaders who feed us propaganda because it suits them. Frankly speaking, this has been a long time coming. There was a war that oppressed many before the titans reappeared again and most have not forgotten that. The fact is, that the titans made it easier for those kinds of leaders to remain in power.” 

______ _ _

Loras had never been one for words but, when it comes to the truth, he feels more than ready to speak it. 

______ _ _

“Just as you overthrew your King, we mean to overthrow our corrupt leaders once we vanquish the titans. You're right that we aren't doing it for you. We do this for the people that remain at the mercy of those who abuse them and shackle them. That’s why we are here.” 

______ _ _

_Similar, so very similar._

______ _ _

Pixis stands up, ready to at last, demand the question that has not yet been answered. 

______ _ _

“How is that we can vanquish the titans?” Murmurs and similar queries arise. “The last of those with Fritz blood are dead. We have no knowledge of the seals and till now you have not said whether that woman still lives.” 

______ _ _

.

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

_To rid this world of titans there will need to be a ritual, the same one used to summon the Earth demon...All 9 should titan present, as well as the 3 remaining with royal blood … Zeke knows this, it’s why he will come for the young Queen, why he will come for me and why he will let himself be killed._

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

Loras smiles sheepishly. 

______ _ _

“You're right that we don't know about that. We just came to fight. I’ll live that to Romelle here.” 

______ _ _

Marcia and Sal swap images as Erwin steps forth once more, Yan at his side. 

______ _ _

“To answer your question, there is a way to get rid of the titans.” Erwin continues, ignoring the scoff and disbelieving murmurs. “But, it cannot be done until all the titan shifters are resent.” 

______ _ _

_But of course._ The ex- Wallist members grunt in derision. _Always a bloody catch with Smith._

______ _ _

“By that you mean on the Island?” 

______ _ _

“Yes. Till the Female and the Jaw titan get back to Paradi, it cannot be done.” He looks back at Reiner and Pieck and Armin and Eren. 

______ _ _

“How is that going ----” 

______ _ _

“How will is happen? With the same summoning ritual that called forth the Earth Demon, 1800 years ago.” He looks back at Pieck. “Yes, I am requirement needed to do so.” 

______ _ _

“Commander Erwin, if Annie and Porco are needed to be here when this...ritual is performed. This means that, all the rest of us, that wield a titan power, are needed as well?” Armin gets a confirmation back. 

______ _ _

_It’s why bringing the titans and Loras and the other was so important._ Reiner comes to the realization. The titan shifter will be unable to fight in the upcoming battle. _Shit. It’s fucking risky leaving them to fend the titans and Zeke’s and the Ambassodors followers._

______ _ _

“Kiyomi most likely knows of this and it is why she will attack as soon as she is able to. The reason why she hasn’t is likely because she is being held up is by Zeke’s followers. Their goal is not mutual.” 

______ _ _

He explains the intercepted messages where Zeke distributed large containers of chemical weapons made from titan serum to Kiyomi who supplied a mode of transportation by way of ships. They were able to get spies onto those ships and when the communications channel is open intend have a way to track their voyage. 

______ _ _

Speculation as to what that weapon could be abounds when Erwin does not reveal it. They know how the villagers of Ragako were turned into titans but with Zeke dead the likelihood of something similar to that is unlikely. 

______ _ _

When, at last, Erwin beckons Yan to the front, they reveal their evacuation plan. The Underground, having been left mostly undisturbed (ignored) after retaking Wall Maria and the lands beyond it, has quietly been recruited into Galena’s plan. She employed Yan to gather people trustworthy enough - a large portion of which were members of Levi’s gang - to survey the cavernous space of the Underground, in order to map out a tunnel that could connect to the mountainous range she had been using as a base. The majority of the work had been completed by the titans excavating from Helenes located base. Yan and the others main job, consisted of keeping the site secret, especially from nosy MPs and the remains of scattered gangs. 

______ _ _

“With the help of the titans we were able to complete the tunnel sooner than anticipated. In order to make traveling easier, tracks were laid down to speed up travels and, in the case of the elderly and children, allow them a swifter and smoother journey. We have already begun evacuating the citizens of the Underground.” 

______ _ _

“You mean to say that all these time you filthy, traitorous rats have been planning this!?” 

______ _ _

The man is someone Yan is familiar with; an MP that has, again and again, had nothing but disdain and for the Underground people. It angers him that, even now, as he is demonstrating the usefulness that _his_ people have to the upcoming battle they refuse to see but the ways in which they deem themselves better. It’s that which gives him the courage to respond in an unwavering voice. 

______ _ _

“In the time since Maria was recuperated and the world expanded beyond, not once have we been allowed access to the outside world. I do not resent the Queen allowing the children underground a chance to live with sunlight. I...we appreciated that and yet...the rest of us have been ignored and remained Underground because we still do not have Citizenship.” 

______ _ _

In his seat, Levi feels an immense disgust and shame with himself listening to whatYan is saying. 

______ _ _

“We do not want or seek a way for this to be made up. The Underground people are resilient. We have been and will continue to be so.” He looks back at Erwin and Laras and the rest. “In the interest of full disclosure, we mean to go out into our own once the titans are eradicated. You have never wanted us and, when the time comes, we want nothing more to do with you. My people will lead the others once the order to evacuate the upper dwellers is given, we know the tunnels the best after all.” 

______ _ _

Pixis nods back when Yan steps back, once again aware that they have failed their people in many ways. 

______ _ _

“Premier,” Erwin calls Pixis. “The citizens should be made aware as soon as possible. There may not be enough time later, especially for the young and old. You can discuss this more in depth with Yan.” He motions to Hana, next to Yan. 

______ _ _

“This is Hana, she will be in charge along Yan as well. Have a group coordinate with the Military Police and Garrison. As we have yet to establish communication with the others on Marley we cannot yet know what is happening with Zeke’s followers or the Ambassador, much less the two titan shifters.” Erwin eyes Pieck and Reiner. 

______ _ _

“As soon as the remaining titan shifter return from Marley, I and the others, will leave to perform the summoning.” He further adds aware of Mikasa’s bond with Eren. “Accompanying us will also be the two remaining Ackermans, and we will need the bodies of Historia Reiss and Zeke Jaeger.” 

______ _ _

A large book is handed to Erwin and then Armin Arlert is called to the front. 

______ _ _

“Arlert I want you to read this immediately. The book has been marked to the pages of specific importance. Memorize and follow the instructions. They will help you. Pick two trustworthy companions to guard you. I will choose the others. Do not discuss what is in the book or what it is you are to do. When you are done, _burn it._ ” He whispers the last part and turns back to the audience once Armin nods, leaving with the heavy book in hand. 

______ _ _

“If you have any questions, I or the others, can answer them but, if not, I’m sure your Commanders have much to discuss and prepare for. That is all.” 

______ _ _

The door opens abruptly as he finishes his briefing. Erwin doesn't need to see to know who left in such a hurry. 

______ _ _

Pixis and the three Commanders near the front and by the looks of their faces they have the same question. 

______ _ _

“I know you mean to ask the reason as to why I did not divulge the details of the summoning but, it is better that no one knows how it is that it will be performed.” He pauses aware of the secrecy surrounding this “The last thing is that I would like to speak with the father of the Queens child. He will need to be present as well.” 

______ _ _

The four look to one another grimacing before letting Erwin know that he has not left Historias side since her and their child’s death. 

______ _ _

_I see, they remain in Sina. It makes it easier then._

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

_The second time I came back to Marley it was with a babe._

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

Annie sits cold and silent as the woman, Lina, tells them who they are. A coalition of mercenary soldiers from Europe and elsewhere. It sounds like a joke, complete and utter bullshit. Annie has no time for people like this. This do-gooders. 

______ _ _

She scoffs as they go on but Porco seems to be eating this shit up. She narrows he eyes, noticing that he is not the only one. 

______ _ _

“How the fuck did you even get here without anyone noticing. You’d have to have someone on the inside helping you.” 

______ _ _

Lina turns to look at her unphased at her glower. 

______ _ _

“We’ve had spies within the Tybur family guards for a long time now.” 

______ _ _

“You’ve got to be joking with me?” 

______ _ _

“Not at all.” The thin boy at the monitor replies, adjusting his glasses. “Truthfully, that was easy. It was sneaking into their family archival library that was tough but obviously it was doable.” 

______ _ _

“So this so called ‘ritual’ was hidden in there?” 

______ _ _

“That’s right. Not that they would even know it or be able to read it. Only a Royal with memories of the first King would be able to translate it.” 

______ _ _

“So then how did you manage that?” 

______ _ _

He smiles. 

______ _ _

“I honestly have no idea, none of us do. Only two people did and one of them is dead.” he turns around fiddling with some wires and a small set of pliers. 

______ _ _

“Alright. I think we’ve got it.” he signals Kais, the brunette on the other side. 

______ _ _

A switch is turned, the monitor on Milo lap glows and then he is typing, lighting quick. There's a manic smile on his face, a glare on his glasses. 

______ _ _

“Oh, freaking mother of ----” He looks over at Kais. “You seeing this?” 

______ _ _

“What?” 

______ _ _

He taps the screen, turning it so they can see a may illuminated with tiny green dots. 

______ _ _

“We know where those ships are going!” 

______ _ _

Lina grins, clamming him on the back. 

______ _ _

“What about the satellite did your get that yet?” 

______ _ _

“Working on it. We still gotta connect with Arjana and Chwalic.” 

______ _ _

Annie tunes them out and when Lina tells them that they should meet with the spy Tybur guards in order to find the others, she gets up to go with them. 

______ _ _

In the distance, from the window she can see dark grey clouds and for a moment what looks like a flash of lighting. Then there only the loud sound of bombs and coiling black smoke. 

______ _ _

She ignores that. Those planes are still far away. There will be enough time for her to find her dad and get back on those ships to the Walls. There’s no doubt, that there, they will be the safest. She knows of the ceremony, maybe, not the specifics, but she knows that it will require herself. 

______ _ _

Annie is tired of being the only one who _knows._ When she signed up for the Warrior training program it was to protect her father and now...its what causing the most danger. 

______ _ _

She grits her teeth. 

______ _ _

“I’m fucking done with everyones exectations.” 

______ _ _

_I don't mind the consequences as long as my Father lives in peace._

______ _ _

There a loud blaring horn, she ignores it assuming it’s the others. She rounds the corner as a figure and then another walks to the center, below ground. There’s more coming now. Women, men and children. They carry suitcases and bags. 

______ _ _

Annie squints, surveying the group before she zeroes in on a familiar cap. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

Hange gathered with her Squad leaders going over the supply inventory and available personnel compiled list. There aren't enough soldiers, not even with their new allies. They are woefully undermanned. There's a growing headache behind her eye and they fight the urge to rub her temples. Weakness right now is unnecessary. 

______ _ _

If they are to stand a chance, to buy enough time for Erwin and the others for as long as they can, they will have to be able to give everything they’ve got. There will be no holding back. It’s going to take as many soldiers as possible to face off against Zeke's remaining followers and Kiyomi’s. That nags at Hange, to not be able to shake of the bad feeling, that the chemical engineered weapon will not only affect Paradis but, likely, the rest of the world. 

______ _ _

For now, they can't focus on that, a task easy enough with so much to process and oversee. 

______ _ _

They will wait for Loras and his team to figure out a way to communicate with Marley and hopefully, by some stroke of luck, Annie and Porco will have reached Marley by then. And then, they can come back in time. _They have to._ Spying Rico discussing the best way to evacuate the residents of Rose and Sina with Hana, the Survey Commander makes a beline over to them. Not seeing the Military Commander they realize that Nile and Yan had left to a separate office to discuss the tunnel in the underground. Erwin had left with Loras and Reiner to exchange more details with Pixis in his office - he had sent Anka to locate and bring Historias bethroled. 

______ _ _

There are so many things to do, Hange already feels weary of what is to come. Never mind, that Erwin had purposely chosen not to reveal the specifics of the summoning. Hange can guess the why of it. If they succeed, it is likely that they will keep this between them...the other reason is one they don't want to think too much off...not after everything. 

______ _ _

Hange has only just managed to hand Rico the Scouts supply inventory when one of the younger Scouts comes back inside the assembly hall, panicked and pale 

______ _ _

“Commander Hange, quickly. Just now, that man. He collapsed!” 

______ _ _

There is a flurry of rising voices from just beyond the door that increase in volume. When Hange gets outside, the once well lit hallway, is quickly filling up with titan steam. The few soldiers in the hallway are panicking at the sign and have reacted by drawing their blades out, a couple of military police soldiers have their rifles out and pointed in the direction of the source of the steam. 

______ _ _

Unable to get a proper view, despite the inkling that they have, Hange orders for all the windows to be open. It helps some, as it escapes, but it persists, as though in endless supply. The Commander quickly makes note, that although the steam is hot, it is nowhere near the unbearable temperatures of that of the Colossal titan. 

______ _ _

_Small mercies._

______ _ _

It fogs up her glasses and she pushes them up as she draws near the source, near Erwin. 

______ _ _

_“Were they successful?”_

______ _ _

He is on the floor kneeling and gritting his teeth, pale and sweat-soaked. Reiner and Loras are his sides, both stupefied at his condition. But, it's the sight of the steam emanating from his back that has Hange wide-eyed. 

______ _ _

“Hange,” he says through clenched teeth. “It's better if I go outside.” 

______ _ _

He lets out a groan as his shoulders twitch painfully and another cloud of steam emanates. When Hange reaches with a hand to help him up, he growls. 

______ _ _

Erwin remembers gloved hands reaching for him and then the screams as the those gloves melted onto their skin. Already, he can feel the skin of his back, melting and sliding, like hot wax, down his ribs, sluicing them up like hot acid. 

______ _ _

“NO! Don't...Don't! It’s too hot! My skin. Someone else has to do it!” 

______ _ _

Hange withdraws their hands mutely. 

______ _ _

Erwin feels panic, and then flashbacks appear in the periphery of his mind. There are too many people here. Too much noise. He wants to go back to that dark and cold room. Where it is safe, where he is safe. 

______ _ _

Through the noise and the steam and the pain he feels a strong arm around him. He hears the “fuck” as they lift him off the floor and practically drag him out the hallway. His feet are bare, the shoes he wore long melted. He can't make sense of what’s happening as they drag him out into the courtyard. 

______ _ _

His bones shift and he hears the breaks and cracks - after so long he should be used to the noise. He licks his cracked lips, unable to ascertain which feels like sandpaper. He tastes blood and is not sure whether it comes from his tongue or his lips. The open air feels nice, soothes his thirst. He asks them to let him lie down on the ground, far from the buildings. 

______ _ _

They, no, Reiner Braun, means to gently lower him but he drops. It feels more like sliding down - or crumbling - the way paper does when it touches fire. Curling, twisting - glowing a bright ember then burning to ashes. 

______ _ _

The ground feels good beneath him, solid and cool. He can make out the smell of earth through the singed lining of his nose. He breathes deeply, each exhale feeling like breathing dry fire. Lungs burn and melt and reform themselves as the heat curses through his body. 

______ _ _

He can hear them, their thoughts, wondering if he is okay? Erwin can't speak but he answers them. Lets them know that he is fine. That it will pass. 

______ _ _

Reiner flinches, eyes wide - a voice echoing in his mind. 

______ _ _

There comes another groan from Erwin, his hands taking fistfulls of grass that turn dark and crumble as he digs it into the soil. A loud noise catches Reiner’s attention. He felt _them_ when he put his arm around the Commander. Hard spokes, like corral piercing through skin, as the cotton shirt had cindered away. _He can see them. ___

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

The left drawing out before the other. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

They burst from Erwins shoulder blades in a loud heap of steam, blood, gore, and bone. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

The skeletal framework of wings. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

_Impossible._

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

The arm, nearest Reiner, begins to bubble and the skins burst like boils. He can hear _he can see_ the bones break and reset and then, just as the wings along his shoulder blade, the bones burst from Erwins left arm; at the wrist, at the elbow, at the shoulder. They curl towards the skeletal frame on his back and begin to form lattice connections. Like the threads of a spider web; thin at first then thickening. Just as the lattice completes it’s frame, a connection - it bursts under its weight with a loud crack. It reminds Reiner of tree branches breaking off during terrible storms. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Like a domino affect, the bones shatter and fall apart, steaming away as they do so. Erwin Smith lies down on scorched earth, burn and bloody, breathing heavily. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

_Water._

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Water! We need water!” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Reiner waits as someone goes and fetches water. Most of the steam is gone but he can feel the heat still coming off of him. He feels like a furnace. It makes him think of Berthold, after he had inherited the Colossal titan. No matter what, he would always emit heat. The sweating problem not fully to do with Annie. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

He watches Erwin Smith, breath thick and wet. Reiner really wants to ask but...he can't. Not the way the Commander is right now. He is gasping, small, pitiful, noises, lips bloody. He can see the skin continuing to boil and bubble, over and over again. As if it can't decide whether to burst into a fiery inferno once more. He wonders what concoctions the Marley scientists cooked up to get a reaction like this. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

It has to be incredibly painful, Reiner thinks. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Possessing the power of the titans doesn’t mean they grow immune to pain. No, it always painful. Sometimes Reiner believes that it’s even more so. All those nerves firing, melting, burning, repairing themselves in a continuous cycle until it becomes too much and then, inevitable death. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

When he looks up to the sky, the clouds are streaked in pinks, and reds, and purples. It’s been one of the longest days. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

_Just how many more days like this one will there be left for me?_

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“How is he?” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Reiner turns to face Hange and Loras. They hand him a bucket of water and he stands to throw it over the Commander. He watches Hange do the same. They must know from Bertholds memories. The minute the water falls upon the Commander, it sizzles and evaporates. They hear him sigh and more buckets make their way over to them. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

__“This should help.”_ _

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

They continue pouring water until the steam lessens and, eventually, it stops. Erwin is still breathing heavily but his skin is no longer boiling. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

__“Hange?” He croaks._ _

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Hange kneels beside him. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“I can’t stay inside...I’m sorry. I can't. I don't know if, or when, this will happen again.” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“I understand Erwin it’s okay now.” They cupp his cheek. He feels like he’s running a high fever. “We’ll figure something out.” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

He blinks, glazed eyes - eyes incredibly blue, nearly glowing with how red his skin is - at them and with a relieved sigh murmurs. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Thank you.” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Erwin closes his eyes, falling asleep amongst the burned remains of grass. Hange watches the tears steam away when they fall on Erwins forehead and the side of his cheek. They can't help it, have never been able to hide or suppress their emotions and they won't start now, even if there is an audience. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Hange can see the disgust and horror on the faces of the surrounding soldiers. None have ever seen what experimenting with titan serums can do to a body. It’s a sobering sight and perhaps this will really give everyone the much needed motivation as to why they need to end the titan’s once and for all. Humanity started this horror and for that very reason they have to be the ones to end it. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Annie is running as fast as she can to get that bench. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Her fathers, its her father!. It has to be him that she saw from the window. She has to see him and let him know that she is back. That she is home, just like she promised him she would be. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Papa!”’ 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

She’s too far away for him to hear her. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Annie runs faster. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Shit!” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

They are talking too fast for Porco to catch what they are saying. He can feel the sudden spike of tension in the room and it has his him on edge. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“What?” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“FUCK! We have to move!” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

The people in the office begin to scramble for their bags all at once. They begin to pull out gas masks. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“How much time!?” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“STOP! What the fucks happening?!” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

They shove at Porco, not paying any attention to him. As they make for the broadcasting room they continue their hurried conversation. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“The numbers and maps were rigged timers!” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Fu---Bombs!?”

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Worse yet. Reports just started coming in from the battles! Bombs went off at noon. The people fled for---” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“They were corraled. Led like sheep. Led to to the center of the fucking maze!” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“They set this all up! Those Zeke followers to get rid of the Hizuru soldiers!” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“They turned them into titans.” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“What! That's not possible. Marleians are not Eldian. They can't be turned int---” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Someone new, comes limping to the. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“They can if Zeke has allowed foreign scientists to tamper with the titans serums.” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Fucking scaring us like that! Those papers they?” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Dumb cunt got my fucking arm when he tried to destroy them. But yeah. Yeah. They been playing Frankenstein.” He huffs sliding down to the floor. “With the prisoners they got from those foreign nations.” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Whose he?” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Says he's the Jaw Titan. Came from Paradis or something.” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“You only believed him cuz hes good looking, didn’t ya?” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Fuck no. I take my job seriously.” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Where did they rigg---” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“The center of the ghetto. They s----” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

_FUCK._

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Porco runs faster than he has ever been able to in his human form. It feels different than all the other times. He doesn’t notice until he passes a window. His reflection. It makes his eyes widen and he halts, his hands scrapping on the ground. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

_I didn’t even notice._

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

He stares in half horror, half bewilderment. His hands steaming as they heal… _his fingernails._ They were long and sharp. Just as they were when he took his Jaw titan form. When he looks back to his feet, his shoes are non-existent. The sharp nails of his toes had ripped through the thick leather boots. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

His heart is thumping rapidly and then as he looks up, towards Annie, he sees _her_. His eyes widened and there is a name waiting _needed to be screamed by him and _not him_. It stays stuck in there and he feels that phantom pain palpate from his heart. His vision blurs and he sees the blonde of Annie and not Annie and _not anyone_ that he has seen before - from his memories, from hers. _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

She is wearing a white dress and he watches in unexplained horror as it turns red, saturated with blood and streaming from her legs. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

The name is there, except, it’s not just one name anymore, it’s two. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

Because it’s not one person, its two. Nearly the same but not quite. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

Both are different. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

There’s a ringing in his ears. A cacophony of names being called out in overwhelming crescendos. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

“Ugh.” Porco clutches his head, forgets the sharpness of his nails and scratches through his scalp, feels the blood stream down the side of his neck. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

His mind clears and, then, he remembers why he was in such a desperate hurry. At his side the attached mask dangles with his abrupt movements. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

“ANNIEE!!!” 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

But it’s too late. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

There’s a scream. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

He feels the explosion before he hears or sees it. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

Then he hears her scream. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

It’s the closest Annie Leonhart has ever sounded like her Female titan. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

A cornered animal, one that now has nothing left to lose. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

From the rooftops and the third floor windows beta team watches in absolute terror the courtyard filled with titans. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

Erwin wakes to moonlight in the ceiling. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

A sliver of silverlight catches on the side of his face. He’s laying on his stomach. His back is exposed. The unbearable heat has settled. He turns over to his back and, as he does, he catches the movement of a shadow. 

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

It moves swift and graceful, like a bird. 

______ _ _

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Erwin closes his eyes. He remembers, through the heat, being moved and Hange ensuring that he will be alright. He remembers being handed a glass of water, the most wonderful glass of water. He remembers the cool press of a blade on his neck beneath a tenebrous sky. 

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He opens his eyes and like lightning, _he_ steals into the moonlight. His weight settling atop of him, pressing the silver of the blade to his neck. And Erwin knows it’s that very spot, that exact, same place, kissed long ago by a twin blade. 

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Erwin blinks his eyes. 

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They are so very close. 

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He is so very close. 

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Moonlight has always favored him. 

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His eyes are dark slivers of that pale light. 

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He didn’t think he would ever feel his weight again, especially not like this. How long ago had it been that he found himself in his back during hand to hand combat training? 

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Erwin doesn’t dare move, doesn't dare breathe. He feels as though, to do so, would mean losing this weight. _His weight_ atop of him, holding him, caging him. 

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Erwin breathes. 

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He feels the weight tense; the strong muscles of his thighs squeezing his ribs, the blade pressing closer, tighter. Like an invitation - a wager, a gamble - steeped in careful provocation. 

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He hasn't spoken his name out loud in a long time. Has not dared to. 

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His name taboo. 

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But, oh, how he has thought of it. 

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Listened to it play within his memories on endless replay. Traced the shape of his name, on his mouth, with his fingers. Erwin never forgets faces. His is etched in past, present, and future memories. He wears those memories over and over. Never tired of the images playing on a never-ending track. 

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On his journey, Erwin had imagined the different ways his name might sound spoken in those foreign accents but...still he had not spoken it. His mouth had formed his name but it has never been uttered. Like sighs, like breathing. Silent. 

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It felt like a sin. A besmirching of a hero's name on the lips of a callous and selfish man. He didn't deserve his name spoken by a man like Erwin Smith. A conman. A monster. A demon. The Devil. 

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But he can't help himself because it is him. Him, once more. Him, who he had thought, he would never again see, as he writhed - steamed and burned and rose, only to repeat the process - in the depths of that freezing white room cast in darkness. 

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He doesn't swallow as he finally sighs _speaks_ breathes out his name, like a prayer, _an invocation._

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Familiar but foreign. 

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_“Levi.”_

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. 

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. 

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. 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's that. If you've made it this far maybe the chapter wasn't as bad as I thought...You might have noticed I did not answer everything. The rest will be explained in two chapters, maybe three. The next chapter is one I've been looking forward to forever. :) It was my point of origin for this, everything branched of from it. Did any of your theories align with what was revealed thus far? Have you been properly paying attention to what Isayama has presented and the ones I have. I've tried to be "logical" or "reasonable" when theorizing for myself. Hopefully the whole Kiyomi/Krueger/Grisha reveals aren't to far-fetched or out the realm of possibilities. Thank you for your patience. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment if you can.


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